I am old and married to a kindergarten teacher, therefore, I can only go to concerts during the sweltering months of summer.

This is my summer vacation (Part II).

WHO: ECOCIDE, KEN mode, DEAFHEAVEN
WHERE: The Ten Eleven – San Antonio, Texas
WHEN: June 10, 2011

After the previous night’s cockrocktravaganza (AKA Mötley Crüe), I needed something to get me grounded again. Nothing like a solo trip to a seedy bar in the seedier side of San Antonio to check out two seedy-ass noisy bands which have graced my Bleeders’ Digest lists this year. I dug both KEN mode’s Venerable and Deafheaven’s Roads to Judah, but the definitive nod must be given to the former for sheer testicle obliteration. As a result, I was stoked to catch Deafheaven first, followed by KEN mode. Weird line-up as the former tends to fall into the USBM category while the latter can best be pitted in the Quicksand and Poison The Well’s sandboxes.

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When I heard about the Dream Theater-shaped hole in the life of drummer Mike Portnoy back in September, I wanted to pitch him on my long-gestating idea to form a killer Jellyfish cover band. I bet he’d be into it cuz of his Jellyfish super-fandom (he has cited 1993′s Spilt Milk as a top ten favorite album); and he’s a pro at pulling together all-star jams, like his awesomely fun tributes to The Who, The Beatles, and Led Zeppelin with guys like Paul Gilbert, Jason McMaster, and Dave LaRue; and lastly, The Ghosts At Number One (that’s my vote for our band name) could serve as a totally non-cynical tribute to another hardcore Jellyfish fan, the late Dimebag Darrell Abbott. And what better way to hip headbangers to irresistible non-metal jams? How could Mike say no to that? Can I call him Mike?

But, shit, while I was dicking around, gobbling drugs, and failing to corner, pressure, and/or threaten Portnoy about the Jellyfish idea, he teamed with qualified musicians he knows who actually, like, realize their ideas. Even if those ideas aren’t so great. Symphony X singer Russell Allen talks about Adrenaline Mob, one of Portnoy’s new bands:

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I’ve been lucky enough to know Jason McMaster for nearly a quarter century. For those of you not in the know, McMaster was the seminal progressive thrash frontman for the legendary Austin, Texas band Watchtower. While respected worldwide, Watchtower was, nonetheless, waaaaayyyyyy before its time. Think Dream Theater, Symphony X, Between the Buried and Me, Obscura, et al, and you might start to get an inkling of what these precursory tech-metal masters were all about.

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One day mankind will go extinct and the remains of our civilization will later be picked over by aliens. Though they can speedily assemble collections of most homo erectus artifacts for their alien museums, their super-brains will struggle to grasp and group the arts of Earth, y’know, for their encyclopedias and stuff. So it’s in the interest of preserving and defining Glam Metal across the cosmos that we at MetalSucks have counted down the Ten Best Must-Have Glam Metal Albums. We even tapped in to the genius of Bring Back Glam‘s Allyson B. Crawford to give it that “definitive text” feel. (Read part one, part two, part three)

Thanks to Allyson and our Anso DF, Glam Metal will live on in other worlds long after our planet has become a barren hellscape. That’s comforting. Here’s the number one Best Must-Have Glam Metal Album! So, come now children of the beast, be strong and …

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We haven’t done “Ask Anton OyVey” in awhile because Anton went to the old country to visit the shtetl. But before he left he once told me that he was on the hunt for an original, vintage Dangerous Toys shirt, and was having no luck locating one on eBay. Since I know Anton is tight with Shadows Fall’s manager, I told him he should give the dude a call – the Shads recorded a cover of “Teasin’ Pleasin’” a few years ago with Jason McMaster doing guest vocals, and if they could put Anton in touch with McMaster, it was hard for me to imagine that McMaster wouldn’t help out; I mean, what the fuck else does the guy have to do these days?

So apparently Dangerous Toys reunited for a 20th anniversary gig last week (see video footage below). I imagine a tour will follow shortly, at which point Anton will be able to get an original (if not vintage) Dangerous Toys shirt. I can’t wait to see the look of joy on his face when he does.

-AR