OH MY GUITAR GODS, NNNNNOOOOO!!!
The cover story of the new Rolling Stone heralds “The New Guitar Gods,” and has a picture of the brilliant Allman Brothers Band/Eric Clapton axe slinger Derek “I Turned Down GN’R” Trucks, the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ inimitable John “I Hear Dead People” Frusciante, and… JOHN FUCKING MAYER?
Between this and their list of the 100 greatest guitarists of all time*, one has to wonder: has anyone who writes for Rolling Stone ever, y’know, HEARD a good guitar solo? Just because Mayer goes around telling anyone who will listen how much loves Jimi Hendrix doesn’t mean that he’s, y’know, ACTUALLY AS GOOD AS JIMI HENDRIX. In fact, I’ve heard nothing in Mayer’s music or guitar playing to suggest that he’s ever actually listened to Hendrix (it reminds me of that hysterical Onion piece about Puddle of Mudd, “Horrible Band Obviously Not Listening To Its Influences”). The fact that the grinning Trucks and Frusciante (who are hardly “new,” but whatever) are upside down in the cover photo while the dour, “artsy” Mayer is front and center, thus making this really a cover story about Mayer, is all the more insulting.
Even if the editors of Rolling Stone didn’t wanna focus on the young, up and coming guitars players doing great work in metal right now (Synyster Gates and Zacky Vengeance from Avenged Sevenfold, Lamb of God’s Mark Morton, Chimaira’s Rob Arnold, Killswitch Engage’s Adam D., Dragonforce’s Herman Li, that dude from Atreyu with the bonzai bandana… the list goes on and on), they could have at least tried to stay with guys like Trucks- guys who, y’know, can actually play their instrument.
Somewhere, Jimi Hendrix is listening to “Your Body is a Wonderland,” and rolling in his fucking grave.
*Jack White is number 17 (of ALL FUCKING TIME), but Eddie Van Halen is only number 70? REALLY?! Seriously, whose dick did Jack make Meg White suck to get that position?