• Axl Rosenberg

rob-ent-1.jpgcsh-013496.jpgLast week, I made fun of the Kerrang Awards (do I really have to type a fucking exclamation point every time I mention the magazine’s name?) for having an illustrious guest list that seemed to consist of more emo bands and zoo animals than genuine metal acts. Still, I was pleased to hear that Machine Head took home Album of the Year for The Blackening, beating out such competitors as Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance, both of whom have to suck off the creator of pro-tools first thing when they wake up every morning and last thing before they go to sleep every night as a way of saying “thanks for my career.”

ANYWAY, now Machine Head’s official website [via The Gauntlet] claims that fans of these two emo bands are p.o.’d about the loss:

“Machine Head’s ‘Best Album’ win at last Thursday’s Kerrang! Awards over pop-rock powerhouses My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy has apparently cut deep with fans of both bands, prompting a flood of angry whining and sad-faced emoticons on the Kerrang! message boards. Machine Head’s upset victory over the multi-platinum softcore acts sent their inherently sensitive fans into an emotional frenzy, building into a tizzy of unparalleled proportions. Wrought with dismay, polished fingernails the world over lashed out at the band and metal as a whole with diatribes the likes of ‘MCR really should have won!!! I’m mad now!!!!,’ ‘what a load of shit, who the fuck listens to them?’ and ‘Stupid Machine Head!!,’ at times stooping so low as to say the competition was fixed, and often gravely endangering the integrity of their carefully sideswept hair with posts like ‘I H8 METAL, I H8 METAL, I H8 METAL, I H8 METAL, I H8 METAL, I H8 METAL, I H8 METAL.’

“Not surprisingly, Machine Head fans responded en masse to the tirades, lashing back in defense of the band and the undisputed quality of the album, citing critical praise, technicality, songwriting and fan response to 2007’s The Blackening, as well as the band’s influence on and history within their genre, with the occasional ‘Machine Head piss all over anything MCR have ever done’ thrown in for good measure.”

Even though this story is fucking hilarious, I’m also pretty sure it’s totally fake. A quick search of the Kerrang? (yeah, I substituted a question mark, blow me) message boards doesn’t come up with anything… but if someone has an actual link to the spot where pubeless losers are having this war of words, let us know.


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