Here are the song titles for Motley Crue’s new album, Saints of Los Angeles:

01. Mother Fucker Of the Year
02. Down At The Whiskey
03. Saints of Los Angeles
04. Face Down In The Dirt
05. What’s It Gonna Take
06. Chicks = Trouble
07. White Trash Circus
08. The Animal In Me
09. Welcome To The Machine
10. This Ain’t A Love Song
11. Just Another Psycho

Well, in the words of Balki Bartokomou, “paint me green and call me Gumby,” because I don’t even have to make fun of this shit. Those song titles are already a total joke.

Aw, shucks, let’s give it a shot anyway.

I wonder if that’s the right spelling of “Mother Fucker of the Year.” If it is, I’d really like to applaud the Crue for putting some emphasis on the fact that calling someone a “motherfucker” is actually saying that they fuck a mother. Motley Crue fuck a lot of mothers these days, I bet. What I’m saying is I think the song title is totally literal.

“Down at the Whiskey.” Great. You used to hang out at the Whiskey. We know. You and every other band. Blow me.

“Chicks = Trouble.” Okay, hands down, that’s the best song title of any non-country track to be released so far this year. I pray to God that somebody does one of those mash-ups with this song and Slipknot’s “People = Shit.” “Chicks = Shit.” OH PLEASE, GOD, HAVE SOMEBODY DO THAT FOR ME.

“White Trash Circus.” Or, “Christmas at Tommy Lee’s House.” Oh! Rimshot!

By the way, didn’t Bon Jovi already do a song called “This Ain’t a Love Song?”* Holy crap, do you think that Motley Crue might be covering Bon Jovi?!?! AWESOME!!!


[Blabbermouth, Amazon]

*No, I am not the least bit ashamed to know that that is the title of a Bon Jovi song. It was the summer of ’95, her name was Jersey Waltz, and it was magical.

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