Earlier this month, to help celebrate the fact that our favorite Massholes, Shadows Fall, are going to play decimate Bonnaroo, we asked you to tell us the best way to stop a hippy using metal. We got a lot of great entries but there was only room for ten winners. And those winners each get an awesome Shadows Fall shirt (pictured above). Congratulations everyone!

Read the ten winning entries after the jump. And don’t forget to check out Shadows Fall’s website and Shadows Fall’s MySpace page for all the latest updates on the band!

CODY: “uhm, hello? is this a real metal site? GET A TOTAL VIKING DESTRUCTION FEST GOING! tell the viking metal fans that all hippies just released a press statement saying “that vikings are wimpy, pansy-assed, yellow bellies who only fight, pillage, and plunder because they think know that the hippies will eventually destroy them all with their peace-pipes.” Then the Scandinavians will come with their war-hammers and battle-axes and just annihilate each and every tie-dye wearing, stoner’s ass in the place. The bloodshed shall parallel that of both world wars, pouring like a mighty river along the venue, staining the ground a permanent splattered red.

“If that doesn’t work, just get the hippies to chant “New York Rules” and any Massachusettes fan will come and tear the hippies limb from limb, assuming that Shadows Fall don’t do it themselves.”

JONATHAN: “The best way to stop a hippy is not to stop him with metal, but rather CONVERT him to metal. To do this, during a black metal show have the intensely fast shredding of someone like Abbath or Blake Judd create a spark to light a hippy’s joint. Lighting the joint with said Satanic spark will insure the inhalation of Luciferian energy. Soon enough the Luciferian energy will crush all the Gandhi or whatever energy in the hippy, and the hippy will now be a cross-inverting necro-worshipping black metal heathen. Magnificent!”

pokesmot: “Turning iwrestledabaeronce to 10 will stop a flithy hippie in their tracks.”

Alex: “Get the hippies high, and then clear a pit area, but don’t mosh yet. Get the hippies in there, and get Lamb of God to play Black Label. When the time is right, wall of hippy death.”

Creek Johnson: “Block the entrance at the next Phish show, with the members of Crowbar!
The beauty of this plan is it’s simplicty.”

Leo: “First have all the SHADOWS FALL fans dig a big pit deep enough to bury hundreds of hippies and cover it with branches… right before SHADOWS FALL starts to play yell “Hey look jerry garcia” when they come over to look SHADOWS FALL starts playing and all the fans push the hippies in the pit and bury them all… then walk away like nothing happened problem solved.”

Thaddeus: “Announce that you’re going to play a Pink Floyd song for them, then put on Shadows Fall’s cover of ‘Welcome to the Machine’ and watch their elation slowly turn to confusion, followed by sobbing.”

Seitz: “Put mercury in their tofu.”

Adam: “All you need to do is have a box full of free acid and slap on a sign that says “Free Acid”. Hippies love free shit and acid so they will flock to the box and consume large amounts of acid. When Shadows fall starts ripping some fucking ‘Idiot Box’ or ‘Stepping Outside the Circle’ the hippies colorful dream world will become infested with 666 headed demons that feed on the flesh of hippies killing every single one of those worthless peace loving pussies.”

David: “Make them listen to Shadows Fall.”


-Axl, Vince, and Everyone at MetalSucks

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