Jumping Darkness Parade




At least twice per tour we end up at a strip club. You can’t avoid it. Sometimes you play places like Pop’s in St. Louis where the club is literally in a strip mall full of strip clubs, and everything else in a fifteen mile radius looks like its out of a Mad Max movie. If you want to get a bite to eat, you better go to that damn strip club or you are shit out of luck. Other times, there’s one nearby and dudes just wanna go party.

Now let me give you a little disclaimer. I am in no way judging anyone that likes to go to adult entertainment lounges. To each his own. I personally fucking hate strip clubs. I like women as much as the next dude. In fact, I think that women are one of the only true joys on earth. I think that porn is one of the greatest industries we have on the planet, along with prostitution.

(And by the way, I wish that prostitution was legal in the United States. I bet you the divorce rate would be lower. I bet that if people in marriages where the sex had died but the love was there could discreetly take care of business without starting a drama filled affair with a co-worker or gardener, then more of them that were on the fence or in danger of divorce would stay together. As it is you have to go to Nevada or risk getting arrested if you want to get a hooker. Or even just a happy ending. How on earth did red blooded hetero sexual males in their right minds pass a law that made happy endings illegal? Makes no sense. TANGENT.)

Back to strip clubs. I fucking hate them. And here’s why: I love women. I love naked women. If I’m looking at a naked woman who is attractive, I naturally want to fuck her. Unless you go to novelty strip joints like The Claremont Lounge in Atlanta, which is literally a scene out of a David Lynch movie, most of the strippers at any given club are attractive. Therefore seeing them naked or dressed all sexy makes me want to fuck them.

Well guess what? I’m not going to. Yes, you can pick up a stripper if you coax her back to your place with some coke, meth, or whatever the drug of choice is but c’mon… for all intents and purposes, you are not going to fuck her. So what’s the point of even going? Just to get yourself all worked up over nothing? And on top of getting worked up over nothing you are PAYING YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY TO GET WORKED UP OVER NOTHING. That shit makes no sense to me when its totally possible and easy to find a female that will take care of business.

Time and money are two of the most precious things in this life. A strip club is a waste of both. If you are going to put your time and money into partying with a girl why don’t you do it in a way where the party leads to something? Am I making sense?


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