The Webernets



Ah, McSweeney’s. You make me giggle.

Their latest bit of metal humor? A statement announcing the cancellation of a fictional metal fest:

Several artists dropped out after mishaps involving our onsite American Red Cross Bloodmobile. Impaled and Hemorrhage both fell victim to the ineptitude of staff technicians. And the complimentary cookies were but a sad reward for Internal Bleeding and Artery Eruption. Next year, we promise you that the only bloodletting will occur onstage, where it belongs.

More groups called out with a wide range of gastrointestinal maladies, from Amoebic Dysentery and Squash Bowels to Internal Suffering and Putrid Pile. But stay tuned: both Regurgitate and Bile have vowed to make additional appearances soon.

And then there were the bands that simply failed to show up at sound check and did not return our immediate calls. If anyone gets a hold of Fuck…I’m Dead, please have them contact me ASAP.

You can read the rest of the faux-press release here. But the funniest part might be a real-life note that comes at the end:

This piece was originally titled “The Maryland DeathFest Has Been Canceled.” Subsequently we discovered that the Maryland DeathFest is an actual heavy metal music festival held annually in Baltimore, MD. By all accounts the most recent DeathFest, held last May, was an enormous success. We apologize for any inconvenience the original title of this piece caused, and hope that the 2010 Maryland DeathFest will be the most delightful DeathFest yet.


Thanks to Matt Kraatz for the link!

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