Green Eggs and Slam


  • Sergeant D

Like anybody else who writes about music and has a publicly-visible email address, I received a press release earlier this week boasting about deathcore pioneers Bring Me The Horizon’s “gutsy” new video. In this post, I will share my thoughts on this video, which are as follows:

1. BMTH have almost completely walked away from anything resembling “deathcore,” save the token breakdown in this song (which sounds phoned-in to say the least). Considering how many horrible bands have copied BMTH’s steez, it’s ironic that this song sounds a lot like something Bullet For My Valentine would have done five years ago — or put less charitably, Hoobastank/Hinder meets Killers.
2. How long until they get completely up their own asses and make their own St. Anger??? My guess is that by 2012 BMTH will be playing acoustic soft rock a la Coldplay, completely alienating their fanbase while insisting that it’s their “best, most mature material to date” and that “all the true fans” will stick with them.
3. Oli is so skinny that I literally thought it was photoshopped when I first saw his gaunt limbs dangling in the air in the opening scenes. If you’re reading this, bro, I have two words of advice for you: GET DIESEL! Before you know it, you’re going to get sick of banging alt strippers and other high-maintenance trainwrecks and trauma survivors. You’re going to start craving the stability that you can only get from mainstream girls, but those chicks aren’t going to be checking for a dude who is 5′ 10″ and 135 lbs. Hit those weights browe!!
4. Not sure about Oli’s little Inland Empire-style dirtstache. Is he trying to look like The Devil Wears Prada singer Mike Hranica (a.k.a. the least attractive human being to ever walk the face of the earth)??? Might want to think twice about that…

-Sergeant D.

    Disclaimer: Metal Sucks is 25% owned by Epitaph Records, who distribute BMTH is the United States. Any opinions expressed in this post do not necessarily reflect those of Epitaph Records, Inc.

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