Jumping Darkness Parade

JUMPING DARKNESS PARADE: EYAL ON PROPER ETIQUETTE FOR HOUSE GUESTS

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Ever had a free loader, moocher, or destructive human parasite stay with you? I’ve had all kinds of them stay with me. My residence has kind of become a bed and breakfast for nomadic creative people. Actually, it’s not a “kind of.” It HAS become that. And it’s been that way for the better part of a decade.

After that much time you start to notice patterns. History will sometimes repeat itself, and if there’s one thing that’s stood out, it’s this: Bands or disgruntled ex-band dudes are typically the worst. I let bands stay at my place because I have enough space for them and I know that even one night of comfort on tour can do SO much good. Getting to sleep comfortably, shower, do laundry, get fed, etc. These things all mean a lot more to you when you can barely do them, and especially if you get to take care of them in an environment created for your ilk. I also really appreciate it when we (DÅÅTH) get that type of kindness out in the world (I love you Nick Hipa). That’s why I’ve decided that if a friend of mine’s band has to choose between their van and my house, well, they’re coming to my house.

Sometimes bands have multiple days off in Atlanta and they’ll end up hanging out for a few days at a time. It’s no problem. Really. Promise. It’s cool. I’ve got the space and I love hanging out with friends. If there’s room, come on by… BUT DON’T BREAK MY SHIT, DON’T LEAVE MY PLACE WORSE THAN YOU FOUND IT, AND WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE, TELL THE ASSHOLES IN YOUR CREW TO AT LEAST DROP THE FRONT WHILE YOUR FRIEND IS HOOKING THEM UP! ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO HAVE SOME GUY STAY IN YOUR HOUSE FOR THREE DAYS AND NOT GIVE YOU MORE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT THAN THE TOUGH GUY NOD!

Try to understand. You could be in some shit motel if you can afford it (doubtful), or on the side of the road sleeping in your van, breathing in a nice cocktail of stale air, farts, B.O., and a dash of six dudes’ morning breath. If someone is offering up their house, at least BE NICE TO THEM! “Nice” doesn’t mean kissing their ass, or offering up the merch girl as a sacrificial goat. It just means have some respect and treat your hosts well. A person’s house is not a club. A person’s house is not a tour bus. A person’s house is their sanctuary. It’s their oasis from the world, and if they’re openly letting you and your road family be guests in it, try your hardest to leave it how you found it.

Let’s be real here. If anyone who’s stayed at my house is reading this — no, I’m not talking about the three times the same person has hit the panic button in my control room, or the remnants of awesome parties, or even stealing my six foot inflatable dicks because it’s funny. I’m talking about the straight-up destruction of my property. That said, I’m still planning to host bands because I love hanging out with friends I barely get to see and because I believe that it’s important that the members of the heavy music community help each other out in ways that keep the machine running.

Ever had guests trash your shit? How do you feel about it?

-EL

Daath’s new, self-titled album comes out October 26 on Century Media. Pre-order it here, and then go visit Daath on MySpace.

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