Greatest Hits

Verax’s Terrible “Time Wasters” is a Great Waste of Time

  • Axl Rosenberg

I recently spent an evening comforting a friend of mine who had decided that he was a total failure as a parent. He came to this conclusion after his daughter celebrated her eighteenth birthday by moving to Hollywood and making her acting debut in a film called Little White Chicks Who Love Big Black Dicks 237: Bang Gang in the Butt. And although surely no father wishes for such a fate for his daughter, I was quickly able to reassure my buddy that he wasn’t the world’s worst father, because no matter what his little girl had done, at least she wasn’t a member of Verax.

“Who are Verax” you ask? Well, I’ll tell you: they’re a band whose members I assume met in a special education class, where they bonded over their love of Fozzy, lyrics that rhyme but don’t actually mean anything, and eating their own boogers. They recorded a demo, and then it was off to the “Make Your Own Music Video” booth at Walmart, where they selected the “Cosmic Romance” backdrop and documented their incredible lack of talent, taste, and good sense for all the world to see:

Not all of the band’s videos are this classy, though. They also have this casually misogynistic one about a brilliant artist whose gf is so addicted to the D that the bitch won’t just lay off and let him make his brilliant art!

So, yeah. I showed my friend these videos and it cheered him up so much that he bought a hundred copies of his daughter’s movie and proudly distributed it amongst his church group. Thanks, Verax!

Thanks: Tom F.

Show Comments
Metal Sucks Greatest Hits