FAT ALCOHOLIC FROM MOTLEY CRUE TO SKATE, FALL ON HIS ASS FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT
And you thought Steven Tyler becoming a judge on American Idol was bad.
As part of his ongoing quest to determine just how low a former rock god can sink, Vince Neil has now signed on to Skating with the Stars, a spinoff of — duh — Dancing with the Stars, in which “stars” will — double duh — skate. Joining him on the show will be one of the women from those Real Housewives shows everyone is so stoked about these days, Olympic gold medal skier Jonny Moseley, the only black actor on The Disney Channel, soap opera actress Rebecca Budig (with whom I actually used to work in a former life), and Sean Young, who was a respectable actress once upon a time (see: Blade Runner, Wall Street, the original Ace Ventura, etc.), but has since gone crazy (she once showed up at Tim Burton’s office in a homemade Catwoman outfit and demanded the role in Batman Returns) and now also makes her living on soaps. So it’s good company for Mr. Neil.
Seriously, this dude can’t drive a car, and some reports tell us that he can barely stand upright on stage. How the hell is he gonna skate? Can the ice even support his weight? Does he really need money this badly? I know that booze and sports cars and porn stars don’t come cheap, but maybe switch from champagne to rye and you should be saving a few hundred thousand dollars a year right there. For reals.