QUESTION OF THE WEEK: WHAT IS THE BEST METAL TO LISTEN TO WHEN YOU’RE SICK?
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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (sometimes) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.
This week, inspired by Axl’s current ailment, we asked our writers:
WHAT IS THE BEST METAL TO LISTEN TO WHEN YOU’RE SICK?
The MS staff’s answers after the jump.
When I’m as congested and sore-throated as I have been pretty much all week, I can’t take the heavier-than-heavy shit. My brains already feel like mush; the last thing I need is Morbid Angel making ’em mushier. To that end, I’ve been enjoying the really mellow, not really metal stylings of Jesu quite a bit; granted, I was also prepping for an interview with Justin Broadrick, so I was gonna hafta listen to Jesu anyway, but still. I also found that the epic-but-not-quite-aggro Streams Inwards by Mar de Grises can be nice, too.
When I’m sick I want nothing to do with metal or the part of my brain that processes and analyzes aural information. I just want to plop my ass on the couch, watch TV, and zone out. Re-runs of The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross are excellent, as are re-runs of old gameshows, especially Family Feud during the drunkard Richard Dawson years, 25,000 Pyramid and Press Your Luck. These days I’d imagine I’d watch a whole lot of my new favorites on The Science Channel: MANTRACKER and SURVIRVORMAN. There’s this new show called METEORITE MEN that looks pretty cool. Basically anything with “man” or “men” in the title is right up my alley.
Having a bout with both allergies (I’ve managed to keep the flu at bay for the last four years, but ragweed? That shit will take me down like a motherfucker.) and the Great Debilitating Cold of 2010 in the last month, I’ve spent my fair share of time wanting to blow my congested skull apart. And metal obviously is the best for what ails ya in rough situations. The thing is, with a pounding head, trebly black metal and relentless brutal death metal pretty much exasperate the issue, so one must go to straight to doom metal. Some of it still makes things worse (Eyehategod’s torturous vocals are still a little too abrasive, and the droney stuff just makes you wish they’d get to the point), but the right combination of sour mood and slow, well-crafted riffs are way the fuck better than chicken soup. For example, I heard Triptykon’s Shatter while under the weather, and “I Am the Twilight” perfectly fit my disposition, managing to keep me from throwing some random person into traffic. So when one gets antsy after watching a whole season of Dexter and the same episodes of The Daily Show and Colbert Report at three different times of day on the couch, slow and low, indeed, is the tempo.
Well, I have a cold right now, and am listening to Insomnium. I was also listening to them earlier when I was on the subway and plotting painful ways to kill everyone around me because loud, dumb people annoy me more so when my head is stuffed up. (Yes, jackass, this is the train going inbound. It says “inbound” right there. Why would you get on a train without knowing in which direction it’s going?) So Insomnium it is.
When I’m reaaally sick though, I favor classic Alice Cooper (Billion Dollar Babies, Welcome to My Nightmare) turned down low. I can’t handle the idiocy of ’80s Alice. Normally, “Poison” is stupid fun. When I have a fever and lose my sense of humor, “Your lips are venomous poison” is just retarded.
When is comes to sickness, everyone knows it’s just bad blood. With that in mind, nothing beats a good bleeding administered by a skilled barber or, when available, a course of leeches. If your insurance doesn’t covered either of those, the next best option is percussion devices that strap to your chest and use rapid vibrations to clear organs, stimulating blood flow, and killing bacteria that amass in the clogged areas. This can also be accomplished in the privacy of your own home with the music of Borbetomagus, Glenn Branca or Sun 0))) played loudly with the low end jacked to Jebus.
Okay, kiddies, now it’s your turn! Weigh in with your answer to the question of the week below.