• Axl Rosenberg

I’m going to put approximately as much work into this introduction as Osama bin Laden did to constantly changing locations so the American military couldn’t find him. Here’s a bunch of clips that aren’t as good as the new Red Fang video.

To being today we have Steven Tyler’s first-ever solo video, for the song “(It) Feels So Good.” And by the way, if anyone can explain (to) me why the word “it” is (in) parenthesis, (I) would grateful. Because (it) seems pretty fucking random, doesn’t (it)? And also, the song really isn’t that great, although it’s not terrible or anything. The video, on the other hand, is about as exciting as being stuck in traffic in a venue parking lot after a concert lets out. That Red Fang took what looks to me like a very small budget and made something so awesome and Steven Tyler hired some big name L.A. fashionista and Christ knows how much money and only came up with this is fucking embarrassing for Steven Tyler and the big name L.A. fashionista. Really all this video has going for it is a scantily clad hot girl, and not to be a dick or anything, but I live in downtown Manhattan and its spring time, so I can see a hot girl anytime I want just by stepping scantily clad hot girl by stepping right outside my door. And I don’t even need to listen to a mediocre song to do it!

Next up is “Muderball” from Vicious Rumors. If this song has anything to do with the awesome 2005 documentary of the same name, the video does not successfully convey it. If, however, the song is actually about boring old guys embarrassing their families, well, then, well done, fellas!

Third on the menu today is Vomitory’s “Regorge in the Morgue.” Vomitory were our first-ever Completely Unreadable Bang Logo of the Week back in 2007, despite the fact that their logo is totally readable. What happened was, Vince and I were walking out of some show, and this dude handed us a flyer for some other show, and we couldn’t read a single fucking one of the bands’ names on the flyer. “How the fuck am I supposed to know who these guys are?” Vince wondered aloud, at which point it hit me that we could make a totally awesome contest out of band logos that completely defeated the purpose of having a band logo (e.g., branding). Problem was, I couldn’t actually read any of the band names on the flyers, and instead of just waiting another week or whatever to launch the contest, I got a little overzealous and just threw something up. Silly, I know, but you live, you learn. And so here we are, four years later, and I’ve just wasted some of your time telling you that story when I could have just written, “Hey, this Vomitory video is pretty soporific, isn’t it?”

Okay, so I didn’t know who Abused Romance were before I saw their video on Noisecreep, but I’m sure glad I know who they are now. Because now if anyone ever says to me “Hey Axl, wanna go see Abused Romance?”, I can be like, “Um, can I stick my dick in a blender instead? Is that an option?”

We conclude today’s program with “Denial of Death,” the new clip from RXYZYXR, which might be the worst band name ever. (Fucking unreadable logos; we might have to start a new weekly contest for unpronounceable band names.) The music is basically able-bodied Meshuggahcore, and the video isn’t spectacular or anything — but what’s kind of interesting about it is that vocalist Thomas Wills live on different continent from his bandmates, which, obviously, presented something of a challenge when creating a video that attempts to have all of said band members in it.

And in conclusion… anyone else feel like watching that awesome Red Fang video again???


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