Hipsters Out Of Metal!


  • Anso DF


I love fun so I read Sergeant D.’s site Stuff You Will Hate and his MetalSucks column Green Eggs And Slam for the laughs (ask my 310 dudes re: my overuse of D.-isms “Please… Be Safe” and “That’s it I’m coming up there”). But the bonus has been this shocking amount of killer macho veincore jamz — by bands I’d normally ignore with a vigilance but can’t resist in the funny context of SYWH/GE+S.

Let’s review a few of my favorite finds from 2011!


Song “Gib Dich Nicht Auf”
Band Föur Skillz
Source Stuff You Will Hate: “When Your Band Justifies Every Joke I’ve Ever Made About Eurocore” (here)
Liking stuff in an ironic way is retarded, but fuck it cuz no sane human could like this German moshcore song in a sincere way. I love it in the same way I love iFart or that Cerritos Auto Square spot: Never fails to bring a smile to my face ever. It’s my ringtone! Pity my gf :(



Song “Forever”
Band Blessed By A Broken Heart
Source Stuff You Will Hate: “New Blessed By A Broken Heart Single, Wat U Think?” (here)
BBABH rocks for Christ (lol), but still they’re the band that first made me pay srs attention to SYWH embeds. Actually since I’m an easy mark for guitar shred, my interest was piqued by D.’s MetalSucks interview with guitarist Shred Sean. And their whole thing is pretty daring, so I’m for it, esp if they can fill an album with songs as memorable as “Forever.” Oh, BBABH is also notable as like the first ever Western band to jock a Japanese style (via hyper-slick, speedy Def Lep rock). This topsy-turvy world, right?



Song “The Call”
Band  In The Midst Of Lions
Source Stuff You Will Hate: “What’s Your Favorite Generic Christian Breakdown Band??” (here)
It’s nutz cuz I get queasy even when awesomes like Black Sabbath and Monica sing shoutouts to Jesus, but here I am worshipping this absurdly religious mosh jam. ALL THANKS TO THE RADDEST PINCH HARMONICS EVER (at 1:09). It’s like missionaries are just wasting time with talk and hospitals when they should just be saving souls via Ibanez. Dat intro drone too!


Song “California”
Band Winds Of Plague
Source Green Eggs And Slam: “Winds Of Plague ‘California’ Video = You Are Fucking Moshing” (here)
I try to stop myself from trashing guys like Dave Mustaine who kick drugz but then get addicted to vanity bullshit like religion, chain restaurants, and politics, cuz that’d be hypocritical of me as a reformed teen Midwest no fun clubber turned California party bimbo. Plus I can tell I’m just as annoying about it cuz I love this very shouty WoP jam. And hey there’s plenty of other stuff to diss Mustaine for.


Song “Nu Beginning”
Band Here Comes The Kraken
Source Green Eggs And Slam: “Is Nu-Dethcore The Next Big Thing???? #bouncewitme” (here)
To me, the lulziest music ever is music that’s about music. Right? I mean, can you stand Saxon singing about forming a band, Sammy Hagar play-by-playing a heavy metal concert, or rappers dribbling on and on about being awesome at rap? Or a reconfigured metalcore band from Mexico alerting you to their shift in style to Korn-informed deathcore by releasing a single called “Nu Beginning”? So meta that I always eye-roll off the motherfucking charts. Yet here we are, cuz this jam rips!

What favorite songs did you discover thanks to Sergeant D.’s expertise in young people and old people musics? Do you still resist stuff you don’t want to like cuz of dat shame? Do you kinda self-regulate your number of comments on SYWH lest you appear to be a male groupie? Please respond.


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