Hipsters Out Of Metal!

WHO U WANT TO PRODUCE THE NEW SLAYER RECORD?

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A recent tweet from Slayer drummer Dave Lombardo implies that for their 12th album, the metal titans will re-team with Death Magnetic producer Greg Fidelmann. This might be bummer news for those not blown away by 2009’s World Painted Blood, an ace Slayer songwriting effort marred by a flat, bubbly sound. It’s a double-bummer when considering that vital, violent production was once one of Slayer’s many weapons.

But maybe it’s not too late for Slayer’s next classic, for which Lombardo has stated that nine songs have been written. So just maybe the sessions referred to by Lombardo were only for pre-production (unlikely in light of Fidelmann’s fees and schedule?); maybe the band will reverse course once they snap to the fact that World was the first Slayer record whose jamz failed to exit your speakers like the bullets from guns and the knives into wounds described in their lyrics (who’s got the ballz to tell Slayer anything?); maybe Fidelmann’s mouse hand will go on strike in an effort to preserve  Slayer’s legacy (or to protest its duty of wiping drool off Rick Rubin’s chin?).

If any/all of that happened, what producer do you want to helm a 2012 album from America’s Metal Band? Let’s have a look:

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Jay Ruston
Credits: Steel Panther, Anthrax, The Donnas

If I were pitching ace producer Jay Ruston to Kerry King, I’d be most concerned about King’s aversion to sharing sonic traits with a big four peer (Anthrax). Or the perception that Slayer would be piggybacking the success of Worship Music. Oh wait, never mind: It’s Slayer — and Slayer wasn’t afraid to deal with both of those re: Metallica and Death Magnetic. Plus, Ruston’s a winner. Backed hard.

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Andy Sneap
Credits: Testament, Exodus, DevilDriver, Nevermore

One could figure that if Death Magnetic bosses Rick Rubin and Greg Fidelmann had needed a template for a new Lombardo drum sound on World Painted Blood, they could’ve looked no further than um the Lombardo drum sound on Testament’s The Gathering.

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Andy Wallace
Credits: Slayer, Faith No More, White Zombie, Rollins Band

We know that Wallace — the man behind the hot, raw, trebly crunch of La Sexorcisto and King For A Day, Fool For A Lifetime — is a perfect fit for Slayer’s catalogue of virtual soundtracks for the movie Falling Down. How do we know this? Cuz Wallace helmed Seasons In The Abyss, Slayer’s perfect album. Plus, the promo campaign’s angle is worked out in advance: Wallace, who has focussed on mixing huge projects since the turn of the century, will have to return from production retirement.

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Marko Tervonen
Credits: The Crown, Angel Blake

To pair a quintessentially American band with a Swedish producer may be a dicey proposition. Especially with a producer of such limited resumé as The Crown’s Tervonen. But I make my case on the awesomeness of The Crown’s Possessed 13, the best-sounding metal album this century. And on the splooge-worthy prospect of a Slayer-The Crown US tour.

http://youtu.be/mvqf9Sqp5BI

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Terry Date
Credits: Deftones, Overkill, Soulfly, Prong, Unearth, Pantera

Arguably loud music’s most versatile and transparent producer, Date could return Slayer to the singularity that makes them better than everything. I bet Date would open up a high blood pressure sound to match their supra-thrash riffs, post-nihilist lyrics, and heartless disregard for a listener’s pain threshold. No really, I’d bet money on that! Oh Kerry King please give me a chance to bet money on that!

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-ADF

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