AXL ROSE HAS MORE JEWELRY THAN YOUR MOM

Some asshole who is now guaranteed to be the target of a demo for a song that may or may not actually be released circa 2034 has stolen three necklaces from Axl Rose. And as of 2010, the median income in America was $26,364, so I’m sure most Americans will be thrilled to learn that the total value of the necklaces was somewhere in the ballpark of $200,000.

Classic Rock says the theft occurred while Rose was on stage, performing to a house that was only two-thirds full. (I don’t know why the size of the crowd of the relevant to this story, I just find it funny.) Classic Rock also says that “The singer was not wearing the items at the time” they were stolen, so to answer your question, no, the thief is NOT a ninja.

In any case, I think it’s safe to say that this is karmic retribution for Rose allegedly banning Slash shirts at recent Guns N’ Roses shows. Actually, does Slash have an alibi for last night? Was he anywhere near Paris? Or maybe he just hired the thief! That would be so like Slash. So sneaky. So cunning.

-AR