BREAKING: Ex-Suffokate Vocalist Ricky Hoover Successfully Undergoes Earlobe Reconstructive Surgery
Ricky Hoover used to be the vocalist for Suffokate, but that’s not why anyone knows who he is. No no no, what Ricky Hoover is famous for is having pretty much the biggest gauges in the history of earlobes. No joke, black holes have less open space. In fact, Christopher Nolan’s new movie, Interstellar, is described as “An exploration of physicist Kip Thorne’s theories of gravity fields, wormholes, Ricky Hoover’s gauges, and several hypotheses that Albert Einstein was never able to prove.”
Unfortunately, Mr. Nolan may now have to re-think his film — because it would appear that Hoover has successfully undergone earlobe reconstructive surgery!
— THAT ASSHOLE (@iamrickyhoover) June 13, 2013
I honestly didn’t even know that one could have one’s lobes reconstructed! I’m glad to know that there’s still hope for Brent Riggs and other makers of horrible life choices to lead a semi-normal existence. Although having one less hole to fuck is probably a major bummer for their significant others.
On an unrelated note, I’d like to share some of my other favorite things that I learned from Hoover’s Twitter account. For example, do you know what Hoover is up to these days?
And did you know that Ricky really, really needs to meet a nice woman?
I’m fucking horny
— THAT ASSHOLE (@iamrickyhoover) July 2, 2013
Can I just have @Jolene_Brody sitting on my face already! Bday wish for next year haha someone make it happen
— THAT ASSHOLE (@iamrickyhoover) July 3, 2013
Woke up with gnarly morning wood, way horny and I gotta pee but I don’t feel like getting up outta bed lol
— THAT ASSHOLE (@iamrickyhoover) July 7, 2013
Why can’t I wake up getting a bj everyday? Never been woken up that way and that shit needs to happen already!
— THAT ASSHOLE (@iamrickyhoover) July 13, 2013
But this one is my favorite… because it was one of ten tweets that Ricky sent out that day:
Fucking twitter telling me I hit the limit of tweets. Wtf I barely even tweet
— THAT ASSHOLE (@iamrickyhoover) June 30, 2013
That’s our Ricky!!!
[via Stuff You Will Hate]