I’m going to put about as much into this intro as Dave Mustaine puts into not completely alienating his fan base.

We begin today’s stroll down cinemetal lane with Between the Buried and Me’s new clip for “Astral Body.” The clip is basically like the most boring parts of The Fountain, only not boring, because instead of Hugh Jackman doing space taichi for no reason that never actually has anything to do with the story, it’s this dude making a BTBAM laser light show, creating a planet that looks a lot like Earth but is clearly not Earth, re-enacting his favorite scene from Spaceballs, flying through parts of space that look like the iTunes visualizer, and then dying when that planet collides with its sun… or something. Honestly, I’m not sure I understood it, but it’s all freakin’ awesome. I can’t embed the clip but you can watch it here.

We continue with the new Goatwhore video, “Death to the Architects of Heaven.” Look, I’m not gonna lie: this clip will not knock you out of your shoes. It’s basically a performance video, with performance footage viewed through an iMovie effect that often obscures the images under what appears to be a layer of grease. So even if they had a limited budget, the band might have been better off just not having the whole cube thingie. That being said, I love Goatwhore with all my heart, the song is awesome, and it’s not as though it’s the worst metal video I’ve ever seen. So let’s not nitpick and just move on, okay?

Onwards: Graveyard’s new video for “Goliath” is a good idea that isn’t especially well-executed. The visuals are pretty good but there aren’t many actual, like, jokes, so what was clearly intended to be funny gets pretty old pretty quickly. But for thirty seconds or so, it’s quite amusing.

And we conclude today with Torn the Fuck Apart’s “music video” for the song “Dead Religion.” I’m not putting quote around “music video” to be a dick, by the way; the band actually has it titled that way on YouTube. In other words, they are aware that it’s awful. See, there I was being a dick.


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