Necessary Roughness

Necessary Roughness, Week 11: Die, Eagles, Die!


Necessary Roughness with Gwar's Dave Brockie

I am pretty stoked because this will be the last time I have to write this column from the road. Our “Fate and Chaos” tour is winding to a close this week, so there will no more desperate searches for sports bars, no more hooking up with sketchy free NFL streaming games, no more F-18’s blowing out my satellite. I can report at leisure from my couch, surrounded by my obnoxious friends, quaffing, gorging and hopefully NOT throwing my foam Redskins brick at my TV, which I am sure I will be!

I have to start this week’s column with a little bit of history. Years ago, when I was only a lad, I used to go see my beloved ‘Skins play in venerable RFK stadium. Play, and lose. That’s right, we sucked back then as well as now, but the Eagles sucked too, so we usually had at least a chance of beating them. But this one time they had laid a particularly awful beat down on us, and of course due to the proximity of Philly to D.C. there were a bunch of Eagles fans there, the worst of which can be counted amongst the biggest asshole fans in the league. There was a reason that for years Veterans Stadium (the Eagles’ old home) was the only stadium in the country with a jail. I almost got beat up in the Veterans Stadium parking lot one time, and actually got in a fight with an obnoxious Eagles fan at FedEx. That eventually led to assault charges as I bitched-slapped an over-zealous security guard. And those Philly fans sure lived up to their reputation that day at RFK. When you left the stadium, a large part of pedestrian traffic was funneled beneath an overpass. The Philly fans had gathered on the overpass above the walkway, while below shuffled off the once-again defeated Skins fans. Not content by hollering their STUPID fight song (fly, Eagles, fly…) at us, the fuck-nuts gathered up discarded cups and cans and began hurling them over the fence. Soon half-full beverage containers were exploding all over us. We couldn’t retaliate… our arms were trapped to our sides by the press of the crowd, so we were unable to throw things. I gladly would have donated both of my shoes in an effort to strike back. Nor could we charge up the embankment as it was blocked by high chain-link fences. Once they had realized we were helpless (it took them awhile, you must remember they were PHILLY fans), they took it up several notches and proceeded to pummel us with a merciless hail of garbage. We just had to shuffle along and take it, as the visiting Philly fans actually up-ended an entire container of garbage on us.

So if you wanna know why a large part of today’s column is all about the Eagles getting their asses handed to them yesterday, that’s why. I hate the Cowboys, but that’s a GOOD football rivalry. I grew up with that shit. I didn’t even know what hate was back then! But I hate the Eagles, and I hate them because their fans dumped garbage all over me!

To be fair, I love the city of Philly. It’s a huge GWAR town and I get heckled for my ‘Skins colors every time I go there. Assholes are everywhere (like me, for instance), and Philly is full of cool folks, especially Jerry and the boys at The Electric Factory. But I laughed when the Eagles picked up Michael Vick. I have made my feelings clear about this asshole from the get-go. He’s a sadist and an ego-maniac. I have followed his career ever since he was at Virginia Tech, and there have always been nasty rumors swirling around him and his family. This is the guy who flipped off his home crowd in Atlanta. I had no doubt he would fail at Philly, and he did. And it looks like he stands to drag the whole house of Reid down with him.

Oh, isn’t football a fine and fickle thing? Just last year we were saying the Eagles were, “on paper, the best team in the league”. Ha ha! They suck! That being said, I still didn’t have a lot of faith in the Redskins winning Sunday’s game against the hated Eagles seeing as how crummy the Redskins have been playing lately, even with Vick injured (apparently his concussion is so bad that he can’t even drive a car). But that’s what they did, in grand style, stomping the Eagles at FedEx, 31-6. The ‘Skins D stepped up big time, and the impact of returning safety Brandon Meriweather was obvious, as I am sure the Philly receivers will attest. Three early Eagles turnovers set the stage for a rout. As for RGIII? Well, he was simply phenomenal, rushing for 80+ yards and completing 14-15 passes with four TD’s and no interceptions. Santana Moss had what may have been the play of the day in the whole damn league with a 61-yard TD catch made over two embarrassed Eagles. The ‘Skins move to 4-6, and avoid a meltdown to remain in playoff contention. The Eagles fall to 3-7, and stay on their road to a regime change. And believe me, Philly fans, this is a good thing… the last thing you want is to have Andy Reid win a few games on the way out… you want him gone (and Vick too) and the only way to assure that is for this slide to continue. For the Skins and the league’s most exciting player, a big test comes next week against Dallas, who are resurgent after their 20-17 OT victory over the Browns.

In other action around the league the Green Bay Packers made their claim to be the NFC’s top Super Bowl contenders as they rallied to a 24-20 win over their divisional rival Detroit Lions. The Pack moves to 7-3, rebounding nicely from a 1-3 start. There were three OT games this week, and the most dramatic was the Houston Texans come-from-behind win over the Jacksonville Jaguars, 43-37, in a game they were supposed to win handily. Schaub had five TD’s to overcome a 34-20 fourth quarter deficit, and the Texans continued to solidify their claim as the AFC Super Bowl frontrunners, though the Patriots might have something to say about that before this is all over.

What else was going on out there? Let’s hear it, sports fans!

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