Metal Merch

If Only This Merch Package from The Sword Were Real!

  • Axl Rosenberg

We live in a time when bands are getting increasingly creative about their merch, presumably in an effort to make up for the lack of money coming in from record sales. So we get The Black Dahlia Murder oujia boards, bullet-shaped flash drives from Chimaira, and sex toys from Ghost. But one thing we haven’t seen very much of: bed sheets and other sleepy time accoutrements. I mean, every little boy and girl in the world can tell you that their favorite obsession — be it Star Wars or My Little Pony or Superman or Barbie — has its own line of sheets and pajamas. And yet metal — a good percentage of whose fan base defines “arrested development” — is virtually without such means of telling the world, “Hey, I love [insert band name] so much that I want to be surrounded by their logo even as I sleep. Also, no one have sex with me.”

Which is why this “Sleepin’ Ass Ben” package, which The Sword posted on their Facebook page earlier this week, is such a brilliant idea:

The Sword Sleepin Ass Ben PackageTotally rad, right? Unfortunately, it’s not real. As my buddy Rob over at Metal Injection notes, “there is no ‘buy’ link… [and] A quick check of their merch store brought up no results,” so we can assume that “this is probably a goof.” But it’s hard for me to imagine that the package wouldn’t sell like gangbusters if it were real.

What other bands would you like to manufacture bed sheets, PJs, and the like? If we made a MetalSucks comforter with the faces of Vince and myself on it, would you display it proudly? Weigh in with your thoughts in the comments section below!


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