Slipknot Don’t Think Very Highly of their Own Scent
Slipknot’s Knotfest (not to be confused with Don Knott’s Knotfest) will take place next month in San Bernardino, CA. And in addition to all the swell musical acts, the fest will feature a ton of “onsite attractions and activities” to keep fans occupied. Most of these attractions and activities are fairly standard for an event of this type (carnival rides, a motorcross show, a tattoo parlor, etc.), but two of the events did stand out to me as particularly noteworthy.
The first of these is a “heavy-petting zoo,” which will be populated exclusively by goats, so that “Knotfest attendees can get close to their horned spirit animals.” I think we should start taking bets on how fast a Maggot takes the “heavy-petting zoo” joke too seriously and attempts to molest one of the goats. I say it will happen within the first ten minutes of the zoo being open.
As for the second noteworthy activity/attraction… well, here, I’ll just let the press release explain:
SCENT OF KNOTFEST
KNOTFEST has its own aroma that will infest your brain, body and clothes for days after the festival is over. Personally picked by Slipknot themselves, the smell of KNOTFEST will permeate the festival grounds. Oil drums will be filled with camel shit and oil, set aflame to last the entire festival.
WHY IN THE MOTHER OF FUCK WOULD ANYONE WANNA SPEND A WHOLE WEEKEND SURROUNDED BY THE SMELL OF BURNING CAMEL SHIT?!?! Don’t festival grounds already smell rank enough as it is? Did the band decide that the already-pungent mix of Porta-Potties, vomit, sex, bad food and hordes of unwashed campers the permeates most festivals wasn’t unpleasant enough on its own? Whose friggin’ idea was this? Was it Clown’s? It must have been Clown’s, right? The only other explanation I can come up with is that Joey Jordison somehow contractually locked the band into purchasing several tons of camel shit, leading to both his firing and the decision to punish loyal fans with the smell of burning crap.
Hopefully, the fest will feature some kind of “camel shit-free zone” where attendees can go to get a break from the horrid odor. But just in case, you might wanna bring something with which to plug up your nose.
No word on when Slipknot plant to release their new camel shit and oil fragrance.
[via The PRP]