Machine Head’s Robb Flynn is Trolling the Crap Out of Children of Bodom’s Alexi Laiho

Robb Flynn photo credit: Nigel Crane
Robb Flynn photo credit: Nigel Crane

When Machine Head canceled their big U.S. tour so they could finish up their new album (listen to two new songs here!), it was no surprise that any of the other bands on the tour — Children of Bodom, Epica and Battlecross — would’ve been pissed about it. Especially Children of Bodom and Epica, who have the added sunken expenses of flights, visas, gear rental, etc to worry about.

With that in mind, COB mainman Alexi Laiho’s response to the situation was totally understandable:

“Top of the morning ladies and gentlemen..well i gotta tell you straight out that this is not a good day. Im sure some of you already know that our north american tour with machine head has officially been canceled, without any fault of our own i might add. I will not go into details on why or what happened but i need you, my friends to know that this had nothing to do with me or cob.

Two days ago i was on the top of the world with my ride and stoked to get out there, crank out metal and raise hell with you guys but today i look like this(i think i managed to take a”selfie”hahaThats alexi being bummed the fuck out at 9am) yesterday that motherfucker(my car that is) over heated and almost left me on the side of the road and 3hrs later i found out that the tour was canceled.funny how life works huh?But hey u know what?

Shit fuckin happens, life goes on and at least now we have an extra month and a half to write new cob shit so instead of focusing on the negative,im gonna start to write music this very second and it will be some angry shit but yea, i guess this is me apologizing on everyone’s behalf that we let you down.

On a happier note i will have a few live performances on my own(will let u know about that later), happening this year so i will see some of you soon!! Lets keep our horns up and try to laugh at fuckin everything and everyone including ourselves at least once a day! Deal?”

Other than saying “this has nothing to do with me or cob,” which was already public knowledge, I find Alexi’s post anything BUT inflammatory: it’s filled with positivity! “Life goes on,” “instead of focusing on the negative,” etc., and all sorts of other generic truisms about trying to move on in life from less-than-ideal circumstances.

But Machine Head head-honcho Robb Flynn apparently doesn’t see it that way. Or, more likely, he’s just trying to grab headlines (we’re guilty!) and he’s trolling the crap out of all of us. In Flynn’s most recent General Journals entry he has some less than nice things to say about Laiho, which perhaps should be viewed through a pair of giant troll goggles. In the midst of a rant about social networks and all the peculiar behavior within, he says:

For a band, [Facebook] is broken down a bit different. There are of course the diehard supporters. They’re first and foremost. There also exists a large group of “I’m-not-really-sure-if-they-are-fans-or-not,” and last and certainly least, there’s the people whose sole purpose is to troll your page. Like, I don’t know… let’s say the Children Of Bodom “Hate Crew” that has been out in full force in light of the US tour being re-scheduled. It’s typical shit talking, albeit a ton of it to the actual Machine Head fans saying ‘how much better Bodom are than Machine Head’ and how ‘Bodom should’ve been headlining over Machine Head’, and “fuck Machine Head”.

However, most people usually need the motivation to act like fools and Alexi’s little bitch-ass response certainly got the “Hate Crew” fired up.

Hate Crew?… pffffft!… more like “Alexi-ain’t-that-Great-Crew!”, more like, “bought-a-ticket-too-Late-Crew!”, more like, “It’s-not-my-fault-you’re-a-virgin-and-can’t-get-a-Date-Crew”!!

But to the weak attacking the MH castle? Whatever… we’ve got the Head Cases, the fucking MH diehards, armed to the teeth and defending us to the bitterest of deaths.

For every person that complains about the tour getting canceled the Head Cases are like “shut the fuck up, life goes on, M F’n H to the death!!!” So for every one of those people, I thank you VERY much. Truly, from the bottom of my heart, I appreciate the fact that you do that. Because shit DOES happen and sometimes life DOESN’T go the way you want it to.

The “Alexi’s little bitch-ass response” comment seems a bit over the top, and hopefully Alexi doesn’t take it too personally, but all the other stuff is complete troll bait designed to further piss off Hate Crew members and activate and inspire Machine Head’s own fanbase. Kinda brilliant! Makes you wonder if Flynn and Laiho are even in cahoots here.

Or maybe Flynn really is pissed at Laiho. Who’s to say for sure?

The rest of Flynn’s post is an interesting read, as always, and you should read it in full here. Some interesting thoughts about Facebook, “likes,” and the bizarre world of social media in general.

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