Friday 5

Friday 5: Five Fresh Halloween Classics For Tonight

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Happy Friday, MetalSucks reader! Welcome to MetalSucks Friday 5, our awesome series that appears every Friday (duh) on MetalSucks (duhh) and involves the quantity of five (duhhh).

Here’s how it works: A list of best/worst/weirdest/whatever five somethings is posted by one of your beloved MetalSucks contributors or by one of our buds (like you?). Then you, our cherished reader, checks it out, has a chuckle, then chimes in with a list of the same. No sweat, just whatever springs to mind, k? (Just like that movie about those losers working at a Chicago record store!) After all, it’s Friday — the day dedicated by the gods to mindless, fun time-wasting. Today let’s put the scare into our friends and neighbors!

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THE FIVE

Five Halloween Classics To Blast At Parties and At Trick-or-Treaters

THE LISTER

Anso DFMetalSucks senior editor

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1. “Saddam A Go-Go”
by Gwar
from This Toilet Earth | 1994 (Priority)

There are some classic scary metal songs — say “Number Of The Beast,” “Welcome To My Nightmare,” “Black Sabbath” — that might no longer scare the visitors to your pad on Halloween. After all, almost everybody’s heard those songs before and, hell, video games for pre-teens are darker than that shit. So let’s share five new jams that would sound terrifying blaring at horrific volume each time you answer your door for costumed candy-seekers. Something that haunts them with an ounce of reality. Something that shares a glimpse of human-sized death and the suffering that lingers nearby the unlucky. These jams do all the work, so when welcoming guests, you just act oblivious like there’s no music on at all. “One for you, one for you, one for you. Be safe! Happy Halloween!” Wave to parents. Repeat.
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2. “Devil’s Plaything”
by Danzig
from Lucifuge | 1990 (Def American)

It may be hard to believe, but it’s true that Danzig, Ozzy, and Megadeth were legit scary in the ’80s. Their vibe inspired fear; they said scary things about scary things. They jammed a thumb into America’s soft spot that way. They reminded America that scum is real even when it’s unacknowledged. They used a lot of energy to be the devil’s advocate. I really appreciate that, it keeps minds from narrowing. That’s the purpose of good scum.

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3. “Waking The Dead”
by Suicidal Tendencies
from Controlled By Hatred/Feel Like Shit … Deja Vu | 1989 (Epic)

Like Danzig’s “Devil’s Plaything,” a few songs by thrash-era Suicidal earned my legit double-take the first time I heard them. Also like “Devil’s Plaything,” this jam flaunts a vibe that hails evil in a time that guys with similarly high profiles only gawked at it in a state of plausible deniability. Also also like “Plaything,” this jam arrived on an album that was sold to pre-teen me over the counter by an adult, which seems insane and adorable now. Btw, this song’s first home is No Mercy’s debut, which is available again (reissue came out Tuesday) but this version smashes it.

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4. “Dream Warriors”
by Dokken
from A Nightmare On Elm Street 3 sdtk | 1987 (Elektra)

Dokken may not seem so formidable, but according to this jam’s video, it has the power to repel Freddy Krueger. It caused agony for an undead killer of children. Krueger could withstand full body burns, he could enter your dreams to kill you, he lived to break you down before slashing you up. But Dokken? That shit is kryptonite to Freddy. Hates it. So, problem solved, right? And so ended the ANOES series.

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5. “Bark At The Moon” [live] x “Bark At The Moon” [live]
by Ozzy Osbourne
Live in Salt Lake City 1984

But if you really want to trip out your little visitors, you’ll need Ozzy. Position your largest screen in plain view, then press play on this video; then immediately click play on this same video in a second window. Get it doubling itself off-kilter and hellishly — sounds like black metal authored by a sentient headache with a rad sense for melody — and tweak the separation as desired.

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