Laugh At Others' Misfortunes

Other Metal Musicians Infected by Band-Related Diseases

  • Axl Rosenberg

wes borland has aidsEarlier this week, guitarist Wes Borland admitted that he is afflicted with “Limp Bizkit AIDS.” As is the case with real AIDS, there is no cure for Limp Bizkit AIDS, and so Borland will have to treat this illness until the day he dies. It’s tragic, really.

More tragic still: that the metal community has completely failed to recognize how brave it was for Borland to go public with his disease. There are some really ignorant people in the world who will probably now refuse to shake his hand because they’re under the impression that you can get Limp Bizkit AIDS that way (which, it goes without saying, is not true — you can only get Limp Bizkit AIDS via unprotected membership in Limp Bizkit).

And the truth is, Borland isn’t the only musician who is struggling with such a sickness. It’s just that most of them keep it quiet.

Below, find a list of all metal musicians currently infected by band-related diseases. Each of them is following Borland’s courageous example, and have therefore granted MetalSucks permission to share their mostly-secret sicknesses in the name of raising awareness. Please do not be afraid to shake their hands if you ever have the opportunity. Actually, maybe you shouldn’t shake Johnny Plague’s hand. That dude is gross.

Scott Ian – Anthrax Anthrax
Sammy Duet – Goatwhore Gonorrhea
Vinnie Paul – Hellyeah Herpes
James Hetfield – Metallica Malaria
Caleb Shomo – Attack Attack! Crabscore
David Draiman – Disturbed Dementia
Chris Motionless – Motionless in White Sickness
Vernon Reid – Living Colour Blindness
Justin Brannan – Most Precious Blood Hemophilia
Billy Milano – M.O.D. IBS
Maria Brink – ITM UTI
Michael Keene – The Faceless Face Blindess
Jason Netherton – Misery Index Depression
Michael Sweet – Stryper Stockholm Syndrome
Michael Amott – Arch Enemy Heel
Rob Cavestany – Death Angel Rigor Mortis
Ben Weinman – Dillinger Escape Pleurisy
Sebastian Bach – Skid Row Scrotal Swelling
Freddy Cricien – Madball Cow Disease
Evil D – Morbid Angel Morbid Obesity
Dave Mustaine – Megadeth Amnesia
Chino Moreno – Deftones Deafness
Claudio Sanchez – Coheed and Cambria and Cancer
Kirk Windstein – Crowbar Crohn’s Disease
Eddie Van Halen – Van Halen Vertigo
Andrew Whiting – Panic Panic! Attack Attack!
Rami Jämsä – Convulse Convulsions
Jus Oborn – Electric Wizard Epilepsy
Scott Hull – Pig Destroyer Trichinosis
CJ Snare – Firehouse Third-Degree Burns
John Gallagher – Dying Fetus Miscarriage
Johnny Plague – Winds of Plague Plague
Rick Allen – One Arm

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