Revolutionary Psychological Study Asserts That Metal is Cathartic, Ice is Cold, Dying Leads to Death
A round of Foster’s for the good folks in the psych department at Australia’s The University of Queensland: they have finally proven that an academic institution founded by the ancestors of cast-off criminals can be worth a damn.
Follwing theUniversity of Melbourne’s infamous 2011 study, which claimed that “Heavy metal music has negative impacts on youth,” and this past March’s study from the University of Sydney, which asserted that metal musicians have the lowest life expectancy of any musician in any genre, The U of Q has gone ahead and published their own study in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience… which basically claims that metal provides a catharsis for its listeners. Which probably isn’t news to anyone reading this blog, but seems to be some sort of massive revelation from boring normies who hear Pharrell’s “Happy” and don’t feel the impulse to fatally impale themselves on the nearest sharp structure.
Says the study’s author, University of Queensland honor student Leah Sharman:
“We found the music regulated sadness and enhanced positive emotions. When experiencing anger, extreme music fans liked to listen to music that could match their anger.
“The music helped them explore the full gamut of emotion they felt, but also left them feeling more active and inspired.
“Results showed levels of hostility, irritability and stress decreased after music was introduced, and the most significant change reported was the level of inspiration they felt.”
Sharman goes on to say that for her next study, she intends to prove that people who are high from smoking marijuana cigarettes are 99% less likely to get their ass off the couch.
So, there ya go! What metal fans have been saying pretty much since the genre’s inception is now officially official, thanks to science and shit. Tell your mom and make her feel guilty for throwing away your Cannibal Corpse cassettes when you were fourteen.