Saturday To Get Your Ass To Mars

  • Kip Wingerschmidt

Babaloo babaloo, hey whassamatter YOU?

Oh, duh — lemme guess, impending doom and the abysmal state of the world got you down and poised to hop overboard… WELL JOIN THA CLUB SANDWICH, MOFOBROBRO.

mars-barWith the most unbeliebable travesty of a mockery of a sham election campaign of all tiiiime, climate rapidly changing towards astronomical, irrevocably damaging proportions, and just the general sense of y’know, “the world’s beyond fucked and we’re all going down with the inevitably sinking ship”….we should all probably be considering an escape route right about meow.

mars_attacks____movie_poster_by_zungam80-d8sn7jlWhile I’ll have the sublime pleasure of comfortably returning to my home planet of Jupiter, most of you char-tards will be clamoring for whatever options seem remotely viable.  But when the fit hits the shan and we’re all on the run, nobody will actually care where they’re heading — rather, the game you’ll play with yourself is to never look back and rely on a strong tunnel vision to bring you somewhere.  Anywhere.  This might not end up being quite what you had in mind, but hey, it’s obviously better than drowning, disintegration, or a red hot poker up the bum.

martianMight I suggest you skip feeling blue, glide right past going green, and revel in the radical regime of the RED on your new home planet of MARS.  Look, it worked for Arnie, Matt Damon, Richard Branson, maybe even Lance Bass, and you are basically an amalgam of those four guys anyway (with a side order of Carl Weathers as Action Jackson) so just quit your bitching and get on the space shuttle.  It’ll all be over before you know it.

And your soundtrack for this death-defying adventure?  Well you’d be taking a step in the right direction by imbibing the sultry, deceptively groovy AND melodic AND stony force of French nature called Mars Red Sky.  This expansive trio has a unique way of keeping the organic sound simultaneously grounded and spontaneous, all the way out of our solar system.  Needless to say, I am extremely psyched to see these guys (and Germany’s Colour Haze) when I take a FAMILY trip to the Psycho Vegas festival in August.

Total-recall-origi_1551329aCheck out Mars Red Sky’s newest offering, entitled Apex III: Praise for the Burning Soul, streaming in full on the Decibel website, then work your way backwards through the band’s prior two EPs, a dazzling full-length debut, and a split with Year Of No Light on its Bandcamp page.  After this epic psychedelic journey you might be as bewildered as Arnie was when he encountered that three-titted alien.  But he wasn’t equipped to handle that.

YOU can make it happen.  YOU were born for this moment.  The world has been waiting for YOU to take care of business, and WE believe in YOU.

So for the love of Allah, DON’T FUCK IT UP!!!!!!!!!

Now get your sexy ass to Mars and beyond…

(major thanks to my homie-dawg-monkey-brother Metal Mykee for the song tips!)



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