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Ten Metal Songs That Are Secretly About Masturbating

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Seven years ago, we made a list of the ten best metal songs about masturbation. Then we forgot that we did that, and during this morning’s editorial meeting, we decided we should make a list of… the ten best metal songs about masturbation. Then an intern reminded us we’d already done that, and we were sad. But then we realized that our previous list contained only the most obvious entries, and there are actually quite a few songs that may not seem to be about masturbating, but most definitely are about masturbating.

Then we rubbed one out and made this list.

Anthrax, “Invisible”

Sample lyric: “My simmering blood is rising/ Primed and ready to explode.”

Guns N’ Roses, “Think About You”

Sample lyric: “I think about you, you know you’re the one I want.”

Killswitch Engage, “The Element of One”

Sample lyric: “I close my eyes to see you.”

Mastodon, “The Motherload”

Sample lyric: “I can put it right there in your hands.”

Megadeth, “I Know Jack”

Metallica, “Spit Out the Bone”

Sample lyric: “Come unto me, you’ll never feel rejection.”

Mötley Crüe, “Without You”

Sample lyric: “Without you, woman, the world comes down on me.”

Ozzy Osbourne, “I Don’t Wanna Stop”

Sample lyric: “All fired up, I’m gonna go till I drop/ Please don’t make me, I don’t wanna stop.”

Pantera, “5 Minutes Alone”

Sample lyric: “I ask you please just give us five minutes alone.”

Skid Row, “Beat Yourself Blind”

Sample lyric: “Just slap around a bit.”

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