Mudvayne Singer Chad Gray: “My Therapy Is Writing Those Thoughts Down and Creating and Connecting”
“I haven’t really spoken about it yet ’cause I’m not one for a bunch of fucking fanfare. But I haven’t even posted or done anything, but I’ve been sober now for two years. I just passed my two-year mark. The last day of tour [in late August] was my two years. And I just didn’t make any — I haven’t told anybody. I haven’t really gone to the wire and been, like, ‘Hey.’ ‘Cause I don’t want a bunch of people to go, ‘Fucking great, man’; I don’t need all that. It’s been two fucking years.
“You wanna think that when you quit drinking and shit — ’cause I was insane; I was a madman. I drank and I was volatile and I was fucking crazy as fuck and not a great drinker. I was just an asshole. I was just crazy — period. And I just got fucking fed up with that dude. I quit to try to help myself and to be a better me and to live a better life, and it just doesn’t work that way. You wanna think that you stop doing shit like that and all the voices get quiet, and it’s, like, dude, they’re screaming. And everything becomes more amplified — all the feelings, all the emotions, all the depression, all the fucking shit, you know.”
Gray acknowledged that quitting drinking isn’t the only work he’s done on himself and he understands that he has a lot of self-improvement left to do. Those changes, he says, come partially from working out his demons onstage and knowing that Mudvayne’s music is meaningful to fans.
“I’ve done so many things in my life to try to figure it out and be better. Am I better today than I was yesterday? I hope so. I assume I am. Am I better today than I was two years ago? Absolutely. I know that for a fucking fact. But I still have a lot of work to do on myself and I still have a lot of therapy to do on my own. And my therapy is writing those thoughts down and fucking creating and connecting. It helps me to be open and to be honest knowing that I’m going to connect with someone and knowing that I’m gonna help someone. And that’s the reason that I want to continue to write music. My biggest thing is that — the connection that I know that I’m gonna make with someone. And that’s my inspiration. And that’s my muse.”
Addiction is no joke, so it’s great to hear Gray talking positively about his sobriety.