FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN PROTEST THE HERO’S FORTRESS AND KEZIA ON VINYL!
Thursday, October 2nd, 2008 at 6:39pm by MetalSucks
Congrats to the winners of last week’s Funny Photo Caption Contest. The following two grand prize winners will receive this ridiculously awesome God Forbid prize package: a limited edition IV: Constitution of Treason picture-disc vinyl, a IV: Constitution of Treason lithograph and a copy of the Beneath The Scars of Glory & Progression DVD. Uh, I’m jealous:
Malacoda: “Robert Trujillo chose to get a different kind of ass than his bandmates.”
jesse: “Okay, so I’m punching the donkey. How exactly is this supposed to piss my girlfriend off?”
These runners-up also get CD copies of Norther’s new album N and the Jeff Loomis [of Nevermore] solo-album Zero Order Phase.
metalhead1: “Overcompensating for his name, aspiring metalhead Jesús commits the sin of coveting (and stealing) his neighbor’s ass.”
Johnny Death: “Trying to one up Dave Mustaine, Kerry King hires a Slayer fan in Peru to gather organic coffee beans for their “South of Heaven-ly” roast. IN STORES!! 9/9/09″
Congrats! This week we’ve got another great package that in all likelihood the winners won’t be able to use so much as just look at. But they’ll be damn pretty; two winners will each get vinyl copies of Protest the Hero’s Fortress AND Kezia records, the former of which will be damn near the top of a helluva lot of year-end lists for 2008. Alls ya gotta do is make us laugh with a funny caption to the below photo, courtesy of the band Wildildlife.
Mc Metal
insane clown posse will put anyone in there band these days
Can I get a McMetal Flurry with that? Next window PLEASE!
eeeks my bad j dub
this just isn’t brutal enough!!! fuck you guys… i’m quitting and opening my own burger joint!!! i’ll be famous… you’ll see!!!
Buckethead and Axl Rose rehersing for the upcoming Chinese Democracy world tour.
The first picture of Buckethead’s latest side project – a folk rock tribute to Slipknot.
What you can’t see are the dead children.
Mr. Holliday got in like a nanosecond before me damn!
Despite commendable efforts such as pictured above, the sex tape of Ronald McDonald and Grimace still managed to hit the World Wide Web.
Behind the scenes on the campus of Hamburger University.
Our assumptions were proven correct today. Chinese Democracy is gonna blow everyone away!
Carrot-Top tries to revive his ‘career’ by joining an indie band
Mourning the loss of the double cheeseburger from the dollar menu
Death Metal at its flame broiled finest, Buda bup bup bahhhh im lovin’ it!
Band practice of the newly formed McKnot
Tonight, we’re gonna party like it’s Ozzfest 1999.
Fed up with a steady decline in burger sales, Ronald abdicated his McThrone of the major McCorporation, and tried a different, more subtle approach to McWealth: acoustic McDeathMetal.
McBr00tal
The Arches Stands for METAL bitches!
Joel attempts to bring his belief, that the Burger King is the new Satan, to metal fans everywhere. Sadly, the local Party America had no Burger King masks.
“Throw up your Mchorns Detroit!!!!!”
“I’ll have one Gothenburger to go, please”
Jonathan Davis, Ronald McDonald and Cousin It’s new side project
Everyone who purchases a Kids Warr Guitar Package gets a special Surprise in their box!
This is SO much cooler than death paint.
“FINALLY!!! Sanjaya, Jonathan Davis, and Shawn Crahan together! This is truly a dream come true. Easily the best supergroup since Damnocracy”
Geuss who is under the mask? Nobody but the great Chuck Norris making the pit pick up with his solo.
Over A Billion Faces Melted
Speedballs: The Sunny Side of Truth
” Mr. Holliday Says:
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Buckethead and Axl Rose rehersing for the upcoming Chinese Democracy world tour.”
The tour starts in Nov 2008, err Dec 2008 errrr Mar 2009 errr may 2009 ect ect ect
We tried to get Grimace to join but he thought he was too cool for us.
Ronald must be into Cynic. So I am asuming that the Burger King is into King Diamond?
Contrary to popular belief, the Bad Luck 13 Riot Extravaganza did not break up.
Promo pics from the forth coming Dimmu Borgir album, “The Crucifixion of Mayor McCheese,” in stores next spring.
Iwrestledamcnuggetonce
They decided to take a long night of Guitar Hero to the next level.
Progressive metal was never more innovative or experimental!!!
I know you guys wanted me to get a WARR guitar but trust me, I can shred just as hard with this little guy…I just dont know what its called…
Slipknot circa 1995
“With every purchase of a happy meal you’ll get a copy of Ronald McDonalds new folk-rock album, Between BigMacs and McNuggets:songs of love, death and gressey teenage girls.”
A first look into the writing process of the next Slipknot album, scheduled for 2011, entitled ‘All Hope Is Cone’
…after witnessing that one incredible performance that dude from Behold The Arctopus has been playing one ever since!
Ladies and Gentlemen put your hands together for Ronald McDonald and The Fur Traders!
Wrapping up the last few tracks on St. Anger
As you can see, there was quite an intense writing process for Macabre’s CD, Dahmer. Here we get a clear sense of their extreme methods in place during the recording of the song, McDahmers.
Gene Simmons latest marketing ploy goes too far…
The hamburglar must have stolen not only their cheeseburgers, but also their amps…and dignity.
How many fucking times do I have to tell you that corpsepaint is black not red, you dumbshits!
a typical band rehearsal day…as seen from the eyes of Vinnie Paul
For some reason IWRESTLEDABEARONCE’s new harpsicord player seems familiar.
Ron smiled to himself as the realization set in – all his prog-rock aspirations were finally coming to fruition…
I want an army of didgeridoos! 50,000 didgeridoos!
MORE COWBELL!!!
little did the prominent fast food chain know, their leader was also wrapped up in a wild kiddy porn ring. Ronald McNasty Shreds lap harp like he shreds little boy’s anal virginity.
The New Age Of Progressive Metal Is Upon Us.
Just because Clown thinks he can play the drums, he thinks he can do anything now. Including playing harp for John Mayer.
Did somebody say McMetal?
Along with getting stone and drunk everynight(as pictured), Ronald McDonald has decided to sell his Franchize and play the electric harp for Slipknot…
Let’s be serious now.
YOU WANT SHREDZ WITH THAT?
It looks like Rody raped Ronald.
Warning: An excessive amount of McRib sandwiches may cause severe trauma to the brain.
MTV Slipknot Unplugged In New York
In Stores Now!
Let me sing you the song of my people.
You deserve a breakdown today.
This is the baby of Rody and Ronald.
The previous is an alteration to McDonald’s old slogan, “You deserve a break today.”
For those too young to know.
I can haz a cheezburger?
What?! No Cheezburger?!
NOOOOOOOOOOES!!!!!!!!!!
I shall now pretend to be Hawthorne Heights and be a total emo kid about it!
This isn’t normal, but on meth it is.
Ronald McSatan shreds the wooden triangle
i want keiza and fortress on vinyl nigga!!!
AS if preying on children while they were eating wasnt enough… Ronald decided to try a new approach…. to bad his instrument was a little out of date…
How does one write a “comedic” caption for a picture that writes on for itself? Doesn’t anyone see whats going on? Not only is it ronald macdonald…but he’s wearing a poncho playing a menacing triangular instrument while getting serviced by the lead singer of P.O.D. If you ask me, him and his son(obviously) in the back are serenading the servicer to highten the experience before him. I guess the message to be taken would be that Ronald definately takes care of his bitches, playing nice music for them while they perform their fancies for him…what a great guy. So I suppose my caption without further explaination would be:
“Ronald Cares.”
he wasn’t metal enough for a band named: I’m so metal.
So we tried this.
2012: McDonald’s Corp. goes bankrupt, leaving Mr. McDonald out of work. Desperate, Ronald goes back to his roots, when he used to be in the gypsy band named Trippin the Lite Shamdamma. They reunite for a one-time only concert in Ronald’s bedroom. The results were astounding.
Ronald knew that joining a metal band would mean he had to sacrifice, but he had no idea how bad it would really get…
McDonalds sponsord KoRn’s acoustic side project, so long as they agreed to one thing…
“While your down there”…………………………..”I’m Lovin it!!!”
Music so good, the room will explode with Mcflurry taste from your favorite clown, Ronald McFondled!
I’m ronald mc’fuckin donald, wheres my fuckin’ burger guitar, i aint ask for this pizza shit.
Slipknots production values sunk drastically over the past year.
The McDonaldLand Funtime Band is just not the same since The Hamburgerlar was sentenced to 25 to Life for grand larceny.
Looks like one too many jager bombs again for the kids at the Ronald McDonald Charity House.
Hey kids! Aspiring math metal musicians with the uncanny ability to shred the balls off your acoustic guitar are now included in every Happy Meal.
Slipknot’s Clown on his retirement: “Ah, these birthday parties remind me so much of the good ol’ days!”
This is a rare glimpse at Ronald McDonald’s sex face.
Note the long haired hippie in front.
we tried and tried to get sponsored by a reputable company in the industry, but all we could land was mcdonalds. it has its plus sides though..now i dont have to give hand-jobs for money to eat, and we get free mc-rib sandwiches on the fucking fly, no doubt. the best part is, little to my knowledge, them gays use mc-rib sauce for lube! so now instead of asking guys if they want a blowjob, i ask them if they want a mc-cock, a total win-win situation.
One of these days we should combine Classical, Metal, and McFolk!
As we can see, Ronald, has suffered from the recent credit crunch and has fallen into a new depressive state we call, “Not loving it.”
Oooo Are they playing….. Jimmy Buffetts Cheeseburger in Paradise??
“WTMCF”? What The McFuck?
McMusic? Yes, Please!
On the eight day, God created Ronald McDonald… then he put out his first single.
An attempt to publicize Death Metal to small children…
His music is alright.. but it kind of gives me a McHeadache.
“McMusic”
You’re never too young to start being creepy.
Metalacalips prepares their close personal friend Ronald for the grand opening ceremony of McMetal in Albequerque, New Mexico.
Ronald brought over some grampa guitars. Lets play the metal on these.
All Hail Ronald
“TWO ALL FLESH PATTIES, BLOODY SAUCE, BRAINS, FECES, FINGERS, EYEBALLS ON A SESEME SEED BUN!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWRRRRR!!!!!”
Alright guys I have an insturment! Can I join the Band now? I brought chocolate McFlurries!
You can easily see how much pull the Mcdonald’s Corporation has in America.
Like all Happy Meal toys, these low-quality instruments can only be enjoyed with a correspondingly high-quality alcohol supply.
“Scorpions ain’t got shit on me. I’ll rock you like a McFlurryCane. Aw shit. I forgot to paint my hands.”
Slipknot have been accused of selling out after their new masks
were revealed last week from some hidden camera footage in the studio
Ronald is ‘Lovin’ It’ as dreadhead is giving him a Mcblowjob and Cousin It plays acoustic in the background.
With the members of Korn leaving one by one, and their ideas running few, Jonathan Davis revisits repressed childhood memories and a new fully acoustic lineup with the usual, stupid, oddball twist.
I always new Ronald was into guys……I wonder where he’s going to stick his new and inproved dildo!!!!!
Ronald McDonald meets rock: you’re doin’ it
wrongright.Bill Clinton has quit saxophone duties in his highly anticipated new project “Fist full’a Mac”.
After Burger King killed with commercials. Ol’ Ron tried a new approach of spreadin’ the love. “yeah..you better be lovin it”
With Hamburgler on vocals, their first record went Platinum.
“Guitars are fucking overrated.”
A famous quote by one of the most notorious child molesters across the globe, Ronald McDonald.
Can’t see shit – I’m lovin’ it.
The man behind the curtain is only looking, and still he is thinking:
‘ Where have I heard that song before? Isn’t it the theme of “Days of our lives”? ‘
Introducing the newest member of slipknot
I know Mc Donalds says to “Get Active” but do they really mean like this??
their power level is OVER 9000
As Ronald teaches the drummer of Protest the Hero how to play a guitar, Moe thinks to himself, “Someone’s in need of a large order of mctherapy after that experience.”
Brutal Ronnie rips a McZither solo.
Add 1 Hippy, One fast food Icon, One Leatherwearing Rocker and what do you get? The Fastfood Facemelter Extravaganza!
This new jam really makes my McNuggets eSPECIALly SAUCY!
No flowers…chainsaw
Ronald before he sold out and went corporate.
Isis’ new side project, Frysis.
The retarded child of Haley Williams of Paramore and James Hetfield tries to redeem his father by making a better cd than Load
“Amps are for pussies” says ronald
“That little firecrotch Wendy with the red hair can’t shred like I can.”
Cradle of Filth’s next logical progression.
A simple college photo explains how Ex Korn member “Head” received his name.
McDonalds: bringing you affordable metal since 1999
Protest The Hero Band Tryouts.
Ronald McDonald = Rodeo Clown, Burger Meister, or Rock God? You make the choice.
Newly found Childrens grindcore band “Whining McDeath Blood Corpse’ in their latter days of recording their 15th succesful full length album came drastically to a close soon after this picture was publicized.
Two little known facts about Ronald McDonald:
1. He was a virtuoso zither player.
2. He created the Happy Ending to follow the Happy Meal.
maybe its my dick in this dudes ear, but this acid is fuckin SWEEETT.
you know what. fuck ur couch, cuz either way, im fuckin your ear.
Ronald concluded that trying to play anything resembling a metronome is neither cool or acceptable.
Bud Light – not for novelty characters.
McDonald’s try to reach out to the teenage audience with they’re new slogan, “I’m rockin’ it”
Ronald is shocked when he finds out what the kids put in his “special sauce”
McDonald’s now are trying the “GhostBusters 2″ approach of house parties.
Corey has a new mask??? Watch out for the new Slipknot video coming Xmas ‘09
Just when you thought ruining your digestive system was Ronalds ONLY talent…
Estevan in the back there needs some long sleeved flannel goin on. this picture screams 90’s grunge.
With a little bit of Ronalds schizobation and his cone of destroy we might really end up with a Mcdisaster piece!
What is Jonathon Davis doing to Ronald??
Ronald decides to show up at his Charity House to see what REALLY goes on over there. He replies, “Hey, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!”
GWAR finally found something scarier than space-mutants to mutilate their victims. What’s more, they’ve replaced their Jager-spewing penii with a McFlurry-blasting cow’s skull.
After their critically acclaimed videos for “One” and “The Day That Never Comes”, Metallica set out to finish their anti-war video trilogy with an exciting installment of “The Battle of Hamburger Hill” for their next single. The video is said to be directed by Michel Gondry, well-known for his sometimes surrealist visual style.
As John Davis sings an accoustic version of “Clown” to Ron, he bends down to cry with emotion, gets his dreads stuck in his guitar, and Ron shows him what a real BigMac is.
This is what happens when the power is out and no one can play world of warcraft.
-smoke some-
It’s not every day that Ronald McDonald gets to jam with the Jonas Brothers.
mcdonalds starts advertising to metalheads, hoping to reach a new audience and sell more burgers
OR
This is why Roanld isnt shown in their adds anymore, hes got all drugged up and stoppedcaring about the music
“So I hear you signed that $20,000 check over to the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, Ronald. I hope you’ll take this, uh, favor into consideration while signing that promotion deal for our band.”
The thing I don’t understand is whether groupies go to their shows for the music or to get a chance at eating Ronald’s Big Mac.
The R&D room for McDonald’s new slogans.
The premiere of Criss Angel’s Cirque du Soleil show, Believe.
“Dis is du nu genration ov corpze paint, TRUST.”
even as a child, ronald mcdonald got head from little kids
Further proof Slipknot stole all their ideas from Jethro Tull.
After John Wayne Gacy finsihed the set, he choked the guitarist, and buried the keyboardist alive.
After being fired from his current job, Ronald did what any respectable clown would do. He got a job appearing at barmitzfah’s.
Watch me supersize this solo bitches.
Even after the crowds had left and the gang disbanded, Ronald just wouldn’t take off the mask. Some call it crazy, others call it sad. Ronald maintains it’s just good business.
Often feeling misplaced in his band due to his bright red jewfro, Young Ronald would transfer his grief into lengthy lap harp solos.
With the economy gradually going to shit, this is foresight of Ronald McDonald turning to metal as his savior to restore his beloved franchise to complete his goal in life to fatten up the unhealthiness society in the world, the United States of America.
Even Ronnie Mac fell into the metal scene, what’s wrong with the world today?
Here is Gaahl, celebrating the release of Death Magnetic
Advertising
Dude! That was an awesome show…you want to go to McDonalds…
Dad said I should go to business school to take over the family business
I said fuck that I’m making the world’s first hardcore lap harp solo
let’s get to practicing guys
“Paris Hilton unveils new acoustic-metal-McNugget project for December ‘09″
Due to lack of funding, Blessed By a Broken Heart could not afford their makeup this tour and have had to comprise.
“Nobody’s ever done a show like this before is what i’m… NO DUDE, THE MASK IS A METAPHOR!!! For like, the FUCKING SYSTEM!!! I’m gonna smack you with this cheese wedge, man; do you want in or not?”
“house of the rising sun by led zepellin, coming right up!!”
Ronald, I really don’t think that’s a good enough bass for our McRockin’ band.
Late-night practice sessions never felt the same between us after that fateful night.
“As John shredded on his triangle, he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for exploiting his bandmate’s Ronald McDonald fetish.”
I’ll order the Metal-Mac, with a coke and a side order of dreads.
The band would reform several months later without Ronald, citing artistic differences, namely his need to use his “wicked McTriangle skillz” on every song.
After a long day of rehearsing for the next korn album. James “munky” Shaffer decides to have it his way in a jam session with Ronald McDonald and friends
wow… i didnt know they took pictures at happy go lucky’s first show.
he would pay for forgetting his corpsepaint…
Band practice with Happy Meal instruments proves to be less fun than Rock Band.
When Kentucky’s premier black metal band, Quartered, Pounded and Shredded, received their first endosement deal, they should have read the fine print.
This offends me.
And so were the humble beginnings of xburgerxcorex.
In an attempt to reach out to todays youth, ronald mcdonald forms a reunion with his old college roomies
Despite already being the chosen food for 85% of metalheads around the world, McDonald’s have launched their new “McMetal” range of Happy Meals in an attempt to gain the remaining 15%
Lean forward more and cough. This clown knows how to get a metal session started
Mercyful Fate.
The Early Years.
brie brie brie brie brie, i’m lovin it.
I always knew King Diamond and Ronald McDonald were the same person, and this little jam session proves it!
Do you want fries with that?
Sorry, we were out of money so we had to change our drummer to this happy mandolin guy. He’s got the food and money..
ALL YOUR OIL ARE BELONG TO US!!!
David Hasselhoff in his drunken splendor trying to relive his musical days. Today Hasselhoff… Tomorrow… Jesus Christ Superstar.
Ronald McDonald shows off his new idea for fat kids too lose weight.
Dimmu Burger
Shawn Crahans next generation of clown masks had to be removed because of a nasty lawsuit by the douches at mcdonalds.
Buckethead’s new look and fellatio-bluegrass-fusion concept album was met with mixed reviews from fans, some were quoted as saying “it sucked dick.”
Acoustics guitars are not just for grandpas anymore. Deathclown seems to like using them to jam out ACOUSTIC-FOLK METAL!
Service with a smile.
I’m lovin’ it.
The highly controversial conversion of the “Happy Meal” to the “Brutal Meal” is underway. The new product includes:
The new McBrokenRib Sandwich
A small (line of) Coke
Your very own Elvenking action figures
…and fries….
Protest The Corporate Bailout !!!!!
Mcdonalds! now sponsering slipknot wannabe metal bands!
Rare band practice footage of the ever popular British band “guerillas”.
oh skittle fuck! ive seen vintage porn start like this!
Ronald’s post depression christian hating phase.
I have no idea what the hell they think they’re doing, but “I’m Lovin’ it!”
Damn Jack in the box guys is late agian
Throw in some emo-acoustic and long haired metal enthusiasts, we can make any BigMac sound good
EVERY 17 YEAROLD MCDONALDS EMPLOYEE WILL USE ANY THEME TO BREAK THRU WITH THERE HARDCORE YUKALAYLEE MEATAL BAND
[...] to the winners of last week’s Funny Photo Caption contest, our most popular one ever, and with good reason: these two lucky cats each get vinyl copies of [...]
i hope the clowns not rockin out with his C**K out
Introducing…
The McNightmares!
Featuring Ronald ‘Thanks for the sweater mom’ McDonald, Dread ‘lock-pick’ Murphy, and “Generic highschool guitar kid playing Nirvana in the music room during lunch”
Feeling tough competition from the Burger King, Ronald experiments with letting his customers have it their way, too. Things got a little out of hand.
Pennywise finally stopped terrorizing the Losers’ club when he first saw them rocking out.
This was the heaviest shit Ronald had ever played.
Heavier than our fucking customers!
No, no, no guys! Tchaikovsky’s Marche Slave was in B-flat minor, not D-flat major! You guys are going to make us look like idiots…
“Welcome to Mcdonalds, were out of french fries at the moment… would you like me to play you a lovely song while you wait”
The famous Ronald McDonald has been caught red-handed in the Ronald McDonald House after attempting to anally probe a boy with a mental illness. Mr McDonald had been rehearsing with the two young boys who had planned to help Ronald take over the heavy metal industry; which was in fact a cult.
Photographic proof that Ronald McDonald aspires to take over the nations young minds with harmonic mind reprograming. Repeat: I’m lovin it!
McDonald’s ist krieg
It seems Slipknot finally ran out of new ideas for their masks.
“Ronald looks off into the distance. He knows that one day his talents will lead him to a band far greater, but for now he must wait. Wait until I get rid of that idiot Alexi Laiho, Ronald shreds so much harder and his vocals are much more brutal.”
-Jask Raatikainen (drummer of Children of Bodom)
McMurder Baby in rehersal
Ronald’s Cone guitar sounded colder than his ice cream cone