[Welcome to the first installment of Blogronaut, in which the accomplished Intronaut guitarist pontificates on life, the world, life in the world, and the over-abundance of bad actors in L.A. We hope you like his writing as much as you do his music. – Ed.]

Hello, MetalSucks readers! Welcome to the semi-official Introblog. I throw in the “semi” due to there already being an Introblog, which is the fully official Intronaut news blog, located at Anyway, that’s enough plugging my own endeavors (like Intronaut’s new album Prehistoricisms which came out 9/16 and is in stores now!) for today.

I want to thank the dudes at MetalSucks for giving me this opportunity to shorten the gap between me and the rest of the world, allowing me to make known what I need to make known. I look forward to throwing some seriously scathing verbal blows at the unsuspecting surfers of the world wide web. Fortunately, since I just got off tour and am on the hunt for a new job, I have plenty to gripe about.

I also have some interactive blogging action planned for this installment, in the form of a game called “Who Wants To Give Me A Job?” It’s a lot of fun. You win by giving me a job lead in Los Angeles. I have experience in everything from waiting in a white tablecloth restaurant, to being security at a night club, to making cappuccinos. Plus I am in an awesome band (this is usually where the interview goes south)! No, this is not a joke. You can contact me through the Intronaut myspace. It is really hard to find a job in this city. I once heard a statistic that like 10,000 people move to LA every day. That probably includes those who immigrate here both “legally” and “illegally”. You probably think I’m going to take this somewhere controversial, and I sort of am.

Most of you have probably overheard someone you know or someone in your family make a comment regarding “illegal immigrants taking our jobs.” Since I’ve never even thought to apply for a day laboring position outside Home Depot, I am going to have to call bullshit on that whole stance. I have a different enemy in the job marketplace, and they are called actors. This city, especially in my general vicinity, is flooded with people who move to LA aspiring to “make it” in the entertainment industry. And guess what, while they wait to hit it big, they are applying for the same service jobs as I am. If a restaurant puts out an open interview ad on craigslist you can guarantee that 30 people, headshots in tow, will all show up ten minutes early. It’s ridiculous. As I’m typing this, I’m having the idea to make my own fake ad for the same date and time as the job I’m trying to get. I bet that would throw at least half of these people off the scent of potential employment and give me an advantage.

So, what I’m proposing is some new local immigration laws. The city of Los Angeles should have some sort of regulation that caps the number of people who move here from, say, Ohio or whatever, to become movie stars, songwriters, et cetera, et cetera. Maybe a screening process to see if they are even worth a shit? This would be doing them a favor as much as it does us, seeing as though 99.9% of them are going to fail anyway. I have worked with many people like this in the past, and while watching someone slowly destroy themselves with debt, recreational drug use, and failure is somewhat amusing, I’d rather not have them out there, “takin’ mah jawbs.”

In the meantime, Century Media’s warehouse is really busy right now, and they (in a serious bro move), hired me for the week to help with inventory. I just want to say that I love these people. Way to be not only a record label, but like a heavy metal Red Cross or something. Metal may have ruined my life, but it saves it sometimes too.

Anyway, the winner of “Who Wants To Give Me A Job” will be showered with my adoration for years to come. And a bunch of free merch if you want it.

– Sacha Dunable

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