WAKING THE CADAVER’S LEAD SINGER IS GONNA BE RICH!!!
Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009 at 11:27am by Axl Rosenberg
Over the past few days, people have suddenly been leaving comments on our entries on wigger slam and the whole Waking the Cadaver versus Metal Inquisition debacle (In case you don’t recall, the short version is: Metal Inquistion’s Sergeant D. called Waking the Cadaver “wigger slam,” and Waking the Cadaver vocalist Donald Campan consequently go so angry he let his retard flag fly and physically threatened Sergeant D., as is the custom amongst gentlemen.). Given that these are old stories (in one case well over a year old), I was more than a little curious to see what the comments were and who was leaving them.
Now I’m 99.9% sure that it was either Campan or a friend of his. To wit, this comment left by a reader calling himself “Eat Me”:
FYI- pretty sure you’re all the internet FAGGITS being referred to. Thus proving you’ve all earned the title gloriously. oh and also, the word FAGGOTS was spelled that way intentionally. Gather your facts lonely bloggers… you have enough time to do your research I’m sure. Enjoy your day of HATING from behind the safety of your internet anonymity.
And:
when have you ever seen a wigger or their original counterpart wearing a guttural secrete tshirt? waking the cadaver members aren’t rocking velour sweatsuits or fucking phat farm garbage. whatever i’m not arguing your right to have opinions but can someone clear this up for me… is it the fitted hat that denotes “wigger” & furthermore has anyone lately seen anyone anywhere wearing a hat that WASNT fitted? NJ is not full of wiggers, yes we have them, but you’re wrong in assuming thats all we’ve got. Dont bash Nj because you’re in some Po-Dunk (fuck your cousin)-town in Idaho or Nebraska. IF it’s not the metal t-shirt, the fitted hat, it obviously isnt the hoodies – what is it that makes these people “wiggers”?! Clear this shit up for me cause i’m lost. seems like you’re all just looking for shit to bitch about. get off your fat lazy asses, get outside and get some excersize so you can actually find your dicks & then we’ll see if you still have all this time to waste bitching like little schoolgirls about “the cute little outfits” these guys are wearing. shits weak…
So, to review: Eat Me is arguing that the word “faggot” was misspelled intentionally (But why, Eat Me? I don’t understand the reasoning behind deliberately coming off as a total moron.) and that no one who wears a death metal shirt could ever be a wigger, I guess because we all know that black people hate metal. Oh wait.
(Also, Eat Me, if you’re reading this – and I know that you are – we’re in NYC, which is a lot of things, but it’s not a “Po-Dunk (fuck your cousin)-town in Idaho or Nebraska.” I assume you know NYC because you and your people come here every Friday and Saturday night to terrorize the actual inhabitants of the town, but if you need me to e-mail you a map, just drop me a line at axl [at] metalsucks.net. And chill, wigga.)
Why am I telling you all of this? Mostly as a very, very long-winded introduction to the fact that Metal Inquistion’s Sergeant D. has made another amazing discovery about Campman: that he is now selling Amway products through his MySpace page.
Now, for those of you who aren’t familiar with Amway, it’s basically a pyramid scheme, created by assholes in order to make money by scamming other assholes too stupid to realize that they’re doing the bidding of assholes of vaguely superior intellect. But the key word you need to remember is “scam.” It’s a scam. It’s all bullshit. And the people that buy into it are, pretty much without fail, completely fucktarded. Which, we’ve already established, Campan is.
Sergeant D. makes many, many excellent observations about Campan as an IBO (independent business salesman), not least of which is the fact that Campan’s choices of which products to sell make absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever (“What woman wouldn’t jump at the chance to buy off-brand cosmetics from the man who wrote ‘Chased Through The Woods By A Rapist?’” Sergeant D. correctly wonders.). He also makes suggestions for future products Campan could sell, such as the Waking the Cadaver gaydar, to ensure that Campan makes good on his declaration that he never talks to fagits. I strongly encourage you to read all of Sergeant D.’s article to brighten your otherwise shitty, meaningless life.
-AR
P.S. Satan Rosenbloom tried to explain to me the difference between wigger slam and deathcore the other night, and I think I get it now: wigger slam is all the breakdowns of deathcore with none of the fast parts. To which I say: pppppfffffftttttt.
Holy fuck, Axl! Do you know what you’ve done? Now you’re going to be inundated by all the Ambots out there trolling the internet hoping to stop the anti-Amway propaganda.
Hey, the Orlando Magic play in Amway Arena. Does that mean if you go to a game there you are required to bring ten friends who bring ten friends?
actually, i am neither don campan or a friend of his. i posted because this parade of idiocy you’ve all so eagerly joined in on has no foundation of fact. you’re making ignorant implications stemming from some “truth” you’ve conjured up in your minds about this person, Don Campan who you dont know a God damn thing about on a personal level i’m sure. I fully support your entitlement to speak your mind but fuck, shouldn’t you at least base it on something factual? if you hate his technique- then bitch about that…you fucking want to kick the guy in the face because he fucked your gf- then go for it. i cant comprehend how the lot of you want to get at this guy on a personal level going after his buisness or whatever the fuck it is, or his character- when i’m sure you know shit about him outside of his role in waking the cadaver. All i’m saying is if you want to slam somebody fucking stick to what you know. and you more than likely don’t know this guy like that. furthermore you fucking assholes are inundated with this whole wigger slam garbage… get off it. i think if you want to really show this guy how much his lifestyle aggrivates you (and it must or you wouldn’t be whining about him nonstop on your lame ass blogs) man up and bring it to him in person. i would enjoy seeing one of you crawl out from behind your keyboards . i’M just going to assume you’ll take this comment and repost it with some unintelligible commentary and it will be left at that. really though anonymous shit talking does nothing but show how cowardly you really are for fighting with this guy or not even… because has anyone even considered he doesn’t even care enough to respond to all of this bullshit? it depressing to see you handful of assholes waste your time and days stalking some random guy out so you have a topic of conversation on your little webpage. keep on doing what youre doing… we wouldn’t even have this conversation if that band was a bunch of nobodys. in essence youre doing promotional work for them. you should contact them and see if youre entitled to some sort of monetary compensation for all your work. i’m over it. just wanted to set the record straight and thank you for taking my comments and putting them on display . much appreciated. hey, maybe you could do promo work for me too. i’ll contact waking the cadaver and see if we can all work something out.
oh and faggits was mispelled intentionally i assume only for emphasis. i have no interest in reading sgt. d’s articles or anything further regarding this preposterous display of cowardly retards yelling about nothing just to have a voice. as far as im concerned, you and sgt. d can enjoy sucking one another off in your little bloglives and i will continue on in my life in the actual world. im actually ashamed of myself for even paying this crap as much attention as i have. im no better off than you at the moment.
Please note:
The Jersey Shore is infact a ““Po-Dunk (fuck your cousin)-town”…ehh..kinda place.
I knew a kid from the shore who got caught by his dad giving his cousin’ the ‘ole heave-ho.
Not quite. Jersey, while being a place that I fucking hate (and don’t understand why I live in), is not a “Po-Dunk” town. Sorry.
Ever been to Egg Harbor Township? Yeah, didn’t think so.
I’m from Jersey as well and South Jersey is a different beast all together.
Lol EHT isn’t that bad (I also live there). South Jersey is definitely different.
No, you just have to get 10 friends to sign this refferall sheet! and then YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS get a *FREE* sky box SEAT.
***** after confirming all 10 refferals on the spot
Metal Inquisition very frequently has me saying “holy fuck that was the best/hilariousest post ever,” but that was the best/hilariousest post ever.
Energy drinks are BROOTAL and KVLT.
There’s no way those are his actual words in the testimony
Of course not. That is a fully constructed sentence.
It should have been more like “GRRRRRRRR GRRR GRR GRR GRR GRRR. GRRRRRRRRRRRR GRRRR BREEE GRRRR GRRR GRRR BREEE. BREE BREE BREE BREE GRR BREE BREEE. GRR. BREE. GRR.”
win
This whole “investigation” by Sargent D is priceless.
But Axl, you missed the best part: where he calls us out for not picking up on the intentional misspelling of “faggots,” then proceeds to spell “exercise” incorrectly.
A higher breed of people, these wigger slam folk…
That post about (SL)Amway was the first thing I read today and has kept a smile on my face all day.
What a chump.
This is truly a gentlemans debate. A spirited volley!
Somewhere in Idaho or Nebraska there is a gay guy wearing a Waking the Cadaver shirt and crying.
As a gay metalhead… ah, fuck it, I’m laughing.
WIN
Pyramidschemecore?
lol Win.
Scowling is so metal.
Hm. Wigtards?
These pond-scum-level shitbirds are the ones who remind me constantly that most evolutionary paths fail, and they’re at the fucking dead-end of the tracks. Only thing from “Joizey” (learn to fucking speak English, you worthless fucks, your accent just makes you sound like an unmitigated douche) that would be worse is a wigger-slam guido. Fake glaringly orange tan, spiked-with-jizz hair, pursed fish lips, and a cheap hoodie, listening to shit like Waking the Cadaver. Ultimate candidate for “Kill it with fire”.
someone please beat this faggoot up ( see what I did hehe) IMMEDIATELY. His band sucks and so do white boys from the suburbs acting likee they grew up in the hood.
”What woman wouldn’t jump at the chance to buy off-brand cosmetics from the man who wrote ‘Chased Through The Woods By A Rapist?’”
Any woman who does not hail from New Jersey.
Sorry, Jersey women who might be reading this. I speak from experience.
There is something to be said for the members of Waking The Cadaver actually going after their naysayers. I can’t fault them for that, however they seem to be going about it all wrong. They are going about it, well like wiggers!
To the members of WTC:
First of all, the genre concept of “Wiggerslam” is a joke that you guys just cant seem to grasp, but to take it as seriously as you: If you want to understand why people call you wiggers, try running your posts through a spellcheck. The amount of grammer and spelling mistakes should be a clue. You speak like assholes. Try writing a reasonalbly well written post and you may be surprised at some of the responce back.
Because I don’t really think the music is all that terrible. Generic maybe, but its raw and pummeling and not too far removed from bands that I myself listen too. If I really really wanted to I cauld probably get into WTC, but I wont, because they seem like ignorant dicks. Its about that attitude more then anything, that simple.
*response* & *could*
Ha, thanks Cisco. Obviously I should take a little of my own advice!
Come on, are we still using the term “wigger” in 2009? Let’s find a better way to make fun of them than that at least.
I think your absolutely right SonOF. I mean I was being facetious by using the word, but if one thinks about it, technically it is still a racial epithet and shouldn’t be used so liberally.
I’m just trying to make sure I understand. Is he making fun of people through the internet, for making fun of him through the internet?
I would love to see this guy respond. He just got slayed.
WOW. I don’t know what amazes me more, the fact that it’s not a bad photoshop job and he actually sells Amway or how perfectly you just destroyed him.
His biggest issue seems to be that he cannot understand why people call him and his band wiggers. Mr Stangry Man, please realize that it doesn’t matter if you can come up with a justification for why you’re not a wigger, because to us you are.
Doesn’t this guy remind you of the dude from high school that sold really dirt weed?
Without question, he is that dude you went to high school with who had “straight piff.”
I think the most disheartening thing is I’m at home writing better music with better musicians and they’re on tour playing to a minimum of 500 kids every night. Where did I go wrong?
The real question is where did the world go wrong my friend, your probably playing awesome music that’s just not mainstream… sorry its how it works :-/
I’m all for anything negative people have to say about this shit band, but they aren’t THAT big (playing to 500+ kids a night). If they are, there is no justice in the world.
Holy shit that’s the funniest thing on the internet.
again, this goes to show that Sergeant D is the man….that was by far the funniest MI post I ever read….
Fucking hillarious this guy seems to get even more retarded everytime i hear about him, the waking the cadaver signature gaydar is all kinds of awsome.
This shit doesn’t get old. When this news originally dropped, that was the hardest I’ve laughed in a long time.
Quoting Guav that posted on Metal Inquisition: “As far as WTC goes, I am going to start using one of his lines, it’s fucking amazing. Next time I am in a confrontation, instead of telling my adversary that I’m going to kick his ass, I’m going to say “you will get assaulted easily.” ”
WTC should be using “you will get assaulted easily” when marketing those energy drinks.
”P.S. Satan Rosenbloom tried to explain to me the difference between wigger slam and deathcore the other night, and I think I get it now: wigger slam is all the breakdowns of deathcore with none of the fast parts. To which I say: pppppfffffftttttt.”
I’d say it might be a nearly completely correct explanation even though it is not a 100% complete.
Listen to the vocalists in wigger slam bands.Absolutely unbearable to listen to.They believe they can ”growl” while all they do is clear their throats for the whole lenght of the song,believing that makes them spooky.
At the VERY LEAST,in deathcore,I have heard some okay vocalists who could’ve been in better bands.
I think less people are going to buy Nutrilite because he is on it.
Shit. I hate that fucktard.
Shitstain #5? Also, this is the new “metal”, and i use the term very loosely here, trend that needs to die. I am so sick of all these interchangeable bands. To quote the singer from Woe of Tyrants:
Do you think bands that play breakdowns rely too much on them, and that devalues the music as a whole?
I think if you rely on them, yeah. The way that happened, in my opinion, is that you see some of these bands that did it and did it well, like Poison The Well. Bands that have a lot of talent; they were writing stuff that was very progressive, as far as the songwriting went. The kids that wanted to start bands took the easiest part of that music, not the best parts necessarily, but when a band constantly has to rely on being heavy, all open, I think it takes the integrity out of it. I’m not naming any names, or bands I’m accusing, but I would find that boring. Yeah, it looks cool if you are playing something extremely easy, but when you throw your guitar out three times without hitting a note, or throw your guitar in the air and catch it, it becomes theatrical.
I think that pretty much sums it up. The figure for every
modern “metal” or “core” song: Breakdown x 10,000, bree x 10,000, growl x 10,000, repeat 5 times per song.
Oops, I meant formula instead of figure. I meant to put “I figured out the formula for every modern “metal” or “core” song.
waking the cadaver licks balls and so does the singers shitty singing
Just a rumor but I heard when WTC came to Indiana they killed a dog for fun…
For even more hilarity, check out their record label’s MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/gutterchristproductions. Be sure to check out the “models” pictures and comments for an extra laugh. Also, check out the label owner’s MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/gutterchristnj.
with an ocean of shitty generic music out there, do we really need more shitty generic music being promoted by a shitty label?
So, you actually think I’m trying to promote them or their label? Way to totally miss the intention of my post there man.
Oh the irony, it kills me.
Way to totally miss the intention of HIS post, fool.
What, is Primerica not br00tahl enough for him?
Don the Cadaver is now Endorsed! wrote the following in GUTTER CHRIST RIP RICH GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN’s guestbook on myspace… http://www.myspace.com/gutterchristnj
————————————
04 jun 2009 01:06
i will def be there nigga!!!!!
————————————
Now, if that dosen’t count as wiggaism then tell me…
it’s physically impossible to be 110% of anything.
except suck. waking the cadaver sucks 110% of my cock. that guy looks like the type to fuck your sister after she’s passed out from the roofie he slipped her.
“waking the cadaver sucks 110% of my cock”
gold, lqtm
see, this is what happens when you mess with internet fagits. they pwn you
I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist
it’s cool though, since WTC is doing the sucking, i’m not the fagit, right? it’s not gay!! not gayyyyyyy!!!!!!!!
Not unless the balls touch.
DONALD
eggs-actly! :D
Better than hiding behind a pseudonym “Faggit”
What the fuck just happened? Somehow in the past week I’ve gone from laughing my ass off at Wanking the Cadaver to weirdly respecting them, just on the basis of the Revenge of the Nerds gangbang on them here and at Metal Twinkquisition. That Amway lube looks a lot more useful than a book about being a Roadrunner publicist, or a DrivelDriver tour, or any of the other shit that pays the bills around here.
Fuck you all for turning my head around backwards. I’m going to wear a pink shirt to Carcass show and just end it all quickly.
strangely funny how these attempts at harming WTC’s name, only promotes their name more and more on the internet.
And not to mention, prove more and more that WTC’s comments (although extremely aggressive and written in anger) show that Sgt. D of Metal Inquisition, is indeed an “internet fagit” completely consumed with the way MEN look.
very weird.
Sgt. D is the Mr. Blackwell of metal.
They pretty much harm their own name.
So this kid that went to high school with me randomly hit me up on Facebook and asked me if I wanted to make “a little bit of extra money”. Turns out that meant selling for Amway. Thanks to Sergeant D, I knew to be like “nah, man.” God I love this post.