JUMPING DARKNESS PARADE: DAATH’S EYAL LEVI ON STRIP CLUBS
Monday, June 15th, 2009 at 11:30am by Eyal Levi
At least twice per tour we end up at a strip club. You can’t avoid it. Sometimes you play places like Pop’s in St. Louis where the club is literally in a strip mall full of strip clubs, and everything else in a fifteen mile radius looks like its out of a Mad Max movie. If you want to get a bite to eat, you better go to that damn strip club or you are shit out of luck. Other times, there’s one nearby and dudes just wanna go party.
Now let me give you a little disclaimer. I am in no way judging anyone that likes to go to adult entertainment lounges. To each his own. I personally fucking hate strip clubs. I like women as much as the next dude. In fact, I think that women are one of the only true joys on earth. I think that porn is one of the greatest industries we have on the planet, along with prostitution.
(And by the way, I wish that prostitution was legal in the United States. I bet you the divorce rate would be lower. I bet that if people in marriages where the sex had died but the love was there could discreetly take care of business without starting a drama filled affair with a co-worker or gardener, then more of them that were on the fence or in danger of divorce would stay together. As it is you have to go to Nevada or risk getting arrested if you want to get a hooker. Or even just a happy ending. How on earth did red blooded hetero sexual males in their right minds pass a law that made happy endings illegal? Makes no sense. TANGENT.)
Back to strip clubs. I fucking hate them. And here’s why: I love women. I love naked women. If I’m looking at a naked woman who is attractive, I naturally want to fuck her. Unless you go to novelty strip joints like The Claremont Lounge in Atlanta, which is literally a scene out of a David Lynch movie, most of the strippers at any given club are attractive. Therefore seeing them naked or dressed all sexy makes me want to fuck them.
Well guess what? I’m not going to. Yes, you can pick up a stripper if you coax her back to your place with some coke, meth, or whatever the drug of choice is but c’mon… for all intents and purposes, you are not going to fuck her. So what’s the point of even going? Just to get yourself all worked up over nothing? And on top of getting worked up over nothing you are PAYING YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY TO GET WORKED UP OVER NOTHING. That shit makes no sense to me when its totally possible and easy to find a female that will take care of business.
Time and money are two of the most precious things in this life. A strip club is a waste of both. If you are going to put your time and money into partying with a girl why don’t you do it in a way where the party leads to something? Am I making sense?
-EL
“Unless you go to novelty strip joints like The Claremont Lounge in Atlanta, which is literally a scene out of a David Lynch movie, most of the strippers at any given club are attractive.”
Hahaha, that sounds like the club that was down the street from my old apartment. Women would dance well into their third trimester there. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that there were live births on stage at that joint. What is worse, once my roommates attended the place, they managed to get a good 2/3 of the strippers to come back to the house. It was senseless debauchery every morning at 4:30 (when the dancers got off work) until I finally moved out
I had a friend that went there and he said that there was a girl that had a knife scar from chin to belly button…
Hahaha! I think you’re absolutely right, luckily, where I come from, we have enough legal prostitution(and legalized weed, for that matter) therefore I don’t have to complain.
Nevertheless, qreat post, I enjoyed reading it!
yup, married men with kids should be allowed to have concubines.
yes, please.
Strange – I occasionally feel that way when attending concerts….Or after having purchased music, for that matter….
I feel so used.
Love and Rockets,
Shinaain
I’m on the same page, Eyal.
Not to make a sweeping judgment, but a chick that’s into you is way better than a chick that’s into you because it’s her job. Agreed, Eyal.
I still enjoy going to a strip club eveery now and then, if I’mgoing to spend mymoney on alcohol I might as well watch some boobs while I’m doing it, right?
Seconded….cheers, my friend. Booze and titties!
learn2 DÅÅTH amerifags!
I know most of you fuckers are probably gonna laugh your asses off at this, but…. I use to be the valet at a strip club. It was not an enjoyable experience. I’m leaving it at that… You are more then right about every word you said Eyal.
I agree.Luckily, I put a ring on the finger of a lady who is not a psycho twat.Moreover, my lady likes ladies.So regardless, there is a pay off, in my case at least. TMFQ FTW!
AMEN.
Strip clubs strip clubs ahh a lot of of beautiful young men dancing around naked What? Strip clubs with women how gay what is the world come to Aiieeeeee!!
Strip clubs are awesome. Right behind a 5 dollar hot ready from Little ceasars, a dollar for 2 titties in your face is the best deal in the world.
the town where pop’s is nothing but strip clubs and nightclubs. the town next door is nothing but strip clubs ,sex shops, hookers ,massage parlors and crooked cops to go with a healthy dose of gangbangers. There are so many murders in that area that they dont even report on the news about them. All you touring bands take notice,do NOT leave your gear unattended or walk around that part of Illinois without protection.
YES. THANK YOU.
Ok, I will partially agree… It is somewhat of a waste, however, you cant deny the absolute hilarity of some of the “entertainers” and/or patrons, it’s almost worth the cover and an over-priced cocktail just to witness the goings-on of the whole strip club environment. Whether it’s the ridiculous boob-zilla or ominous franken-boobie (reminds me of those creepy bug-eyed gold fish), that 100 something dude right off the front of the stage using his S.S. check to find a lil pinch and tickle or BEST EVER the gal that came with a few dudes from the office. The, Caution: Slippery when Shit-faced chick who’s hot for all the strippers because she’s trashed and in a drunken stupor is making a fantastic ass out of herself forcing awkward lap dances on her coworkers in a Jager stained pencil skirt… These things are entertaining to me :), I cant help it, I prefer to laugh at other ppls expense, especially these ppl… I’m speaking from a female perspective though so what the hell do I know, but all in all, at-least one good laugh is to be had regardless…
Fair enough – If you’re in the mood to be really laugh at some pathetic people, which is always a great time, a strip club is as good as any
Anyone who goes to Atlanta needs to experience the Cleremont Lounge for that reason alone
Sounds like an experience I might thoroughly enjoy…
From what I’ve heard, The Claremont is not your typical 3 ring, tranz-ies happen to be my fav-ies btw, any chance they would have one on staff?
WHAT?!?! the insanity. Well i see alot of very obvious votes for a “no” in the strip club scene.. but lets reflect on the *importance* and social impact that these wonderful tit taverns have bestowed upon our existence.
Sure, The glorious wonderment of hand-jobs in VIP, the intoxicating smell of alcohol, ass-sweat and fresh lawn shavings from the spanish guy at the next booth, The low rumble of the D.J.’s command to the next dancer to her appropriated stage,.. the melodious hum of the repeated “want a dance handsome” uttered from every faceless pair of milk-muffins within 20 feet of you. Yes. These things are very tantilizing and a wonderful draw.. But again. we are forgetting what is really *important* about a Strip Club… Carpet. that’s right highly sophisticated intricacies of what appears to be a fifth grade crochet class wreaking its havoc on my optical paradise. The Carpet is the foundation of a Strip Club. .. I mean.. isn’t that the reason everyone goes?
huh.
Well as I fail to be an improvement on this page, Ill go back to my exciting life of mimicing a fish turd,.. and just float on by.
WHAT?!?! the insanity. Well i see alot of very obvious votes for a “no” in the strip club scene.. but lets reflect on the *importance* and social impact that these wonderful tit taverns have bestowed upon our existence.
Sure, The glorious wonderment of hand-jobs in VIP, the intoxicating smell of alcohol, ass-sweat and fresh lawn shavings from the spanish guy at the next booth, The low rumble of the D.J.’s command to the next dancer to her appropriated stage,.. the melodious hum of the repeated “want a dance handsome” uttered from every faceless pair of milk-muffins within 20 feet of you. Yes. These things are very tantilizing and a wonderful draw.. But again. we are forgetting what is really *important* about a Strip Club… Carpet. that’s right highly sophisticated intricacies of what appears to be a fifth grade crochet class wreaking its havoc on my optical paradise. The Carpet is the foundation of a Strip Club. Have you even really looked at the carpet. i MEAN REALLY looked at the carpet?. its like a 2d version of PeeWee Herman’s mind .. I mean.. isn’t that the reason everyone goes?
huh.
Well as I fail to be an improvement on this page, Ill go back to my exciting life of mimicking a fish turd,.. and just float on by.
And given that there are sites where you can porn free through less than legal means, strip clubs are that much useless. At the same time, hookers and porn are really just things to hold you over until you actually find somebody more permanent.
Eyal.. YOUR’E NOT JUST PREACHIN’ TO THE CHOIR your’e straight spot-on.. the only time i bagged a stripper was OUTSIDE the club…
much more fun and didnt need drugs ta do it.. just a little kama sutra and..well the rest is history