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Reviews

COREY’S TWO-WORD ALBUM REVIEWS: EYES SET TO KILL’S THE WORLD OUTSIDE

 Friday, August 21st, 2009 at 10:00am by

Eyes-Set-To-Kill-The-World-Outside

Kittie Porn.

metal hornsmetal hornsmetal horns

(3 out of 5 horns)

[Corey Mitchell (AKA "The Old Fart") is a best-selling true crime author, founder of the #1 true crime blog, In Cold Blog, and sad about the recent death of my friend and fellow true crime author, Dale Hudson. RIP.]

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  • Lee

    Well that’s real fucking informative.

    • http://incoldblogger.blogspot.com Corey Mitchell

      You’re welcome.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jesse-Menard/502061034 Jesse Menard

    Spot on!

    • http://incoldblogger.blogspot.com Corey Mitchell

      You get it!

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Makes me wanna run out and pick this up

    • http://incoldblogger.blogspot.com Corey Mitchell

      Ah, the power of pornsuasion.

      • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

        Spending more time commenting on your post than writing the post itself, now there’s a work ethic I can appreciate…and relate to! Keep up the hard work my good man

        • http://incoldblogger.blogspot.com Corey Mitchell

          Ha! What are you talking about? I spent four days coming up with that gem.

          • \m/Eluveitie\m/

            Yeah but you’ve had these comments lined up for a week! You just write them all beforehand and cut and paste wherever appropriate

            “YOU SHALL SEE METAL!!!!

            Awesome! I need my Manowar fix.”

            “Now, is that a The Doors reference or a pithy commentary on the future musical careers of two former Fear Factory members? Makes one wonder.”

            If those comments don’t scream “prepackaged”, I don’t know what does

  • Jimmy

    Your average, cut of the mill metalcore.

    Nothing to see here.

    • http://incoldblogger.blogspot.com Corey Mitchell

      I actually like the female singer’s voice for a few songs. Get rid of the middling metalcore cliches, put here in front of a good rock band, and she could be a pop star.

  • Fufkin

    More of the two word reviews please! This might be the future

    • http://incoldblogger.blogspot.com Corey Mitchell

      Your wish is my command. Look for an Arkaea Two-Word review later today. First, I have to think about it.

      • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

        “The End”

        • http://incoldblogger.blogspot.com Corey Mitchell

          Now, is that a The Doors reference or a pithy commentary on the future musical careers of two former Fear Factory members? Makes one wonder.

      • Ziltoid

        Can it be a classic two word review? “Shit Sandwich”

        That sums up Arkaea quite well.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

          Me likey (your review, that is, not the album).

  • SP420

    Seriously, why is publicity given to these piss poor shit bands? I don’t fucking get it. This site will probably increased its listenership by 10% now. Do the reviews of metal bands, not trend bands.

    • SP420

      increase*

    • Ziltoid

      luckily, I’ll most likely get to take over for a day. YOU SHALL SEE METAL!!!!

      • http://incoldblogger.blogspot.com Corey Mitchell

        YOU SHALL SEE METAL!!!!

        Awesome! I need my Manowar fix.

    • http://incoldblogger.blogspot.com Corey Mitchell

      Unfortunately, about 85% of metal bands are trend bands (and shit). The tr00 metal bands will surface over time. Or, be forgotten and then trotted out twenty years from now on a retro-appreciation blog where everyone will claim “they where there” when said band first reared its ugly head. Besides, we cover them all here.

  • Ziltoid

    Why is this 3/5 horns? The review made it seem like it would be .5/5. Hell, it’s ESTK, it’s not like they’re tolerable or anything. Awful shit.

    • http://incoldblogger.blogspot.com Corey Mitchell

      Because there are three hot chicks in the band and two Attack Attack! rejects. Nothing more, nothing less.

      • Ziltoid

        So, if we’re going based on looks, what would you rate SYL then if Dev still had his skullet?

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

          With Devy Poo’s skullet, 6/5. Without, 5/5. With Gene Hoglan, 7/5.

          • Ziltoid

            I see you have fine taste. Well done.

      • http://buttor.blogspot.com Buttor

        Well, according to the pics I’ve seen there seem to be only two hot chicks… So you should either remove a horn, or tell us which guy you thought was a chick…

    • http://incoldblogger.blogspot.com Corey Mitchell

      The review made it seem like it would be .5/5.

      Now that’s some funny shit. How you came to this conclusion based on two words is hilarious. Proof that people see/read/hear what they want to see/read/hear.

      • Ziltoid

        Pardon me for not being a pervert. “Kittie porn” sounds disgusting.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

          I’m saddened you are not a pervert. I thought that was a prerequisite for MetalSucks partnerships/affiliations/takeovers.

          • Ziltoid

            Frankly, the first hing I think of is not cat porn, but the shitty nu metal band realizing that their only hope is porn. And they have a chick singer, so that would unfortunately work for them. Then they’d have nu metal as background music. That’s just wrong. But cat porn is worse. It’s lolcats, except replace the lol with a sexual moan/meow.

  • groverXIII

    Hee hee… kittens are adorable.

  • Kyle

    I cant believe this trash was even dignified with a review on this site. And THREE horns?!?!? Are you fucking kidding me?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

      Grrrr. Rooaarrr. Tough guy.

      Read my comment under Ziltoid for a full explanation for the 3 horns.

      • Kyle

        Ah. My apologies. Those chicks should indeed star in porn instead, Corey. Probably make a lot more cash too. I guees the dudes in the band could hold the camera and the boom mic or something.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

          Kyle, never feel the need to apologize to me. Nothing within the relam of the Two-Word Album Reviews should ever be taken seriously. Now, as far as those guys holding their “boom mics…” (holds back bile in mouth).

        • timmah

          If the album came with a bonus dvd of the 2 chicks going at it…then I *might* buy it.

          Other than that, garbage. Imagecore.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

            Go with the version with all three girls. And, hey, two of ‘em are sisters. Kinky bastard.

            On a side note, almost all metal is “Imagecore,” whether we want to admit it or not. Even the so-called “non-image” is an image.

  • http://www.solidsterecords.com NoCowNoFood

    Corey is Gay and a Retard I dont care about your further explanation..Go 2 hell and see if u can get out of there alive

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

      Now is the time in “Sprockets” when we cry…

  • Name Not Applicable

    Interesting note: This band is signed to the same label as Brokencyde (Break Silence, not Suburban Noise… although the latter would be funny as fuck).

  • \nn/

    Kittie Porn… Pretty Korn ? Horny Pork ?

    Oh whatever.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

      If we ever have a contest and the winner gets to write Two-Word Album Reviews for the day, you’re my guy, or girl, or prawn.

  • Adam E

    Allow me to extinguish any credibility I might have had on this site, and say not only do I love Kittie, they are one of my favourite bands (I’m a sucker for chick singers).

    Although I also love meshuggah, nevermore, opeth…

    Anyways, when I read “kittie porn” I was expecting a slightly poppier version of kittie, potentially with absolutely no screaming (which in Kittie I actually enjoy), and instead I get a Paramore sound alike with a bit more snarl.

    Colour me seriously let down. Except “Come Home”. This is a pretty decent balad.