VERY LIKELY THE WORST METALLICA COVER I’VE EVER HEARD

Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 at 11:30am by Axl Rosenberg

I don’t know who you are, Stefanie Heinzmann, but give yourself a big ol’ pat on the back. You’ve managed to make Avril Lavigne look like Chuck Schulinder. I’d rather listen to Attack Attack! cover Katy Perry, fer Chrissakes.

I’m saying this sucks.

MS Maniac Charlie Famer sent this to us, and claims that it was a big hit in Switzerland last year. Assuming that’s true, I’d just like to take this moment to say suck it, Switzerland.

-AR


101 COMMENTS on “VERY LIKELY THE WORST METALLICA COVER I’VE EVER HEARD”

  1. groverXIII says:

    Well, they get a +1 for trying to do something different with the song, and a -1000 on the execution. That sucked.

  2. Rob Kurkjian says:

    I would venture to say this is the worst ive ever heard

    …chicks hot though Ide boink that

  3. brosupre says:

    When it kicked in, it felt like I was suffering from a stroke.

  4. masterofpuppies says:

    I really wasn’t expecting it to kick in like that! Got to say, it made me laugh…

  5. Bubba J says:

    Do not use Chucks name in vain.

  6. cookie says:

    Wow, that was bad.

    Only a little better than the original.

  7. Gecko says:

    I think I just contracted swine flu from watching that.

  8. TrapThem says:

    isn’t it Chuck Schuldiner not Schulinder?

  9. Better than Unforgiven II

  10. Clit Banger says:

    Why the fuck is there a band in the video??? This must be a remix of the original remake, or something… or… just, fuck Switzerland. Or fuck this skank, fuck it, fuck both.

  11. Kyle says:

    According to Metallica their suit against Napster wasn’t about money but rather control of their own music. I specifically recall Lars saying he didn’t want to wind up hearing Enter Sandman in a toothbrush commercial. So, if fear of having your music bastardized was the great motivator why not stop garbage like this?

    • JOe Bananas says:

      Because you can’t stop someone doing their own version of your song. You can stop samples, but not new recordings. Sure Hetfield and Ulrich won’t object to publishing income however…

  12. the song’s not as bad as the video.

  13. canea says:

    I kind of liked it. I felt like I was watching Scooby Doo.

  14. this fucking rules. I’d rather listen to this amy winehouse rip off than the real song any day.

  15. Rik Powell says:

    Switzerland brought us Eluveitie though, so I’ll let them off this time…

  16. PaxlRose says:

    Probably would do better covering other songs. Not a bad voice. Goofy video.

    She’s also got the hot librarian thing going on with the glasses.

    • Marcel says:

      “She’s also got the hot librarian thing going on with the glasses.”

      Yep, that’s about the only good thing. The Unforgiven is far from my favorite Metallica tune, but jezus… that was horrible.

  17. steven says:

    yep this was pretty big in all of northern europe.

  18. jacobdinx says:

    just found another reason to Cobain myself!

  19. asw says:

    I liked it. Very much

  20. Rik Powell says:

    Actually this really isn’t that bad, anyway.

  21. Sammy says:

    With the first 5 seconds of intro, it sounded like it might stay somewhat true to the original. But then the poppy, sorta syncopated funk-pop guitar caused a reaction deep within my bowels.

  22. jason says:

    For some reason the link doesn’t show up on the page so I found it myself. Errr…that’s 45 seconds of my life I’ll never get back.

  23. Damien L. says:

    Most metal non-metal video ever. Couldn’t you feel the emotion when she kicked the chair over?

  24. braincake says:

    thanks for ruining my month.

  25. Kodiak says:

    Hmm – this is making me rethink doing a jazz-funk version of Immortal’s “Pure Holocaust”.

  26. Me says:

    Her voice sounds really close to Katy Perry’s. Your reference seemed appropriate.

  27. erock says:

    Is this the Swiss equivalent of Miley Cyrus? Cuz I’d be pretty pissed if someone like that did something like this?

  28. loose nut says:

    by the way, this shit comes straight outta kartoffelland (read: germany) so don’t blame switzerland.

  29. Glenn says:

    Didn’t Krokus also come from Switzerland? And Swiss Beats, too.

  30. David Hulsey says:

    I still like this better than the black album. The kid in the video pisses me off. I seriously hate him.

  31. Zombie(really) says:

    I would agree that this is one of the worst covers i’ve heard….but i would still rather listen to this then attack attack..

  32. metalguy says:

    pretty cute.

  33. Joe the Destroyer says:

    that was funny as shit

  34. Dan says:

    I wish they just quit when Cliff died then we wouldn’t have crap like this

  35. d00shc00gr says:

    raged @ 0:21

  36. Phil says:

    Well, lyric “that old man here is me” suits her the best.

  37. Jimmy says:

    It was catchy.

  38. Phil says:

    Now i want Metallica to cover “Never gonna give you up”.

  39. fantasyh says:

    Wow, the guitar in the beginning sounds so fucking awful, and digital.
    Also, fuck you people. the Black Album is great.

  40. Malacoda says:

    SCHULDINER YOU FOOLS

  41. MetalMatt says:

    Whoa! Where did hell did that come from? the intro was tolerable but them the dance beats kicked in and i felt like stabbing my ears with a knitting needle.

    Where’s Tori Amos when you need her?

  42. Shit Brick says:

    Stepping back and listening to it with unbiased ears… this wasn’t that bad. If it weren’t a cover, there wouldn’t of been this big stink about it… it’s all because its a cover that no one likes it.

  43. Phil says:

    The only crossover between metal and something electronic that i found at times pleasing was Infected Mushroom.

  44. aaron m. says:

    i’m still undecided on whether or not this is brilliant or complete shit.

  45. You Don't Know Me says:

    eh… i dunno… Van Canto’s cover of “Battery” is pretty god awful!

  46. You Don't Know Me says:

    This isn’t bad actually… it’s just not what you expect from a Metallica cover. I kind of… dare I say it… like it. I mean, it’s not great and it’s not as good as the original but I can’t really shit on it and say it sucks. It’s an interesting take on the song.

  47. grobi wunder says:

    Awwwww, c’mon, guys! I’m from germany. We just thought we’ld have gotten rid of this… and now you remind us of this! Gosh!

  48. Mary Bowers says:

    somebody or something beats this girl….badly…..

  49. Miguel G (Peru) says:

    When I first read this I was at work, in a PC without an audio output.

    Now I saw the 1st minute of this shit………oh my god, this has raised the bar for complete suckiness.

  50. That was a joke right, one of those mash ups. Please god let it be

  51. Joey says:

    That was an extremely shitty cover. Really…

  52. Orz says:

    This cover is better than any Van canto’s cover
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9LaB9dq4Rw

  53. Volkan says:

    What the fuking this shit !!!!
    Please RESPECT MetallicA !
    Delete this record !!!!

  54. Ziltoid says:

    You know, at this point even Metallica covering Metallica is horrible to listen to. Dave Mustaine can actually sing better than James Hetfield now, which means he’s now 100% more awesome instead of 99%.

  55. Failure says:

    Rocktallica wrote his song…how many times do I have to tell you fucks…metallica broke up when cliff died. period. No Cliff No Metal…

  56. Killdeath says:

    Fucking thing SUCKS.

  57. anthonii says:

    Id hit that, then i would slap the fuck out of it for that shit cover =/

  58. DaylightReckoning says:

    lolwat?

  59. Trip Cahouet says:

    I’d listen to this over Unforgiven II and III

  60. miniPhil says:

    I lol’d hard. Then I wondered what everyone was giving out about. I like this.

  61. Drew says:

    This is toe tappin.’

  62. Phantasm says:

    The sad thing is, she can sing better than Hetfield. More attractive too. I honestly thought there was no guitar playing in the entire song until the end.

  63. jxk says:

    it’s pretty cheesy but could have been worse.

    you can see lars try to suck up to her in an interview (no joke):
    http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=42892545&searchid=1eedbdad-6505-4e9f-b344-a80009923d2c

  64. Hendecahedron says:

    I really wanted to slap that fucking kid, trying to look all cute or some shit. No, not slap, kick his fucking nose into his skull…

  65. Bogi says:

    Obviously this is way better then the original ´cuz Metallica ain´t in the video. I´d rather see a semi hot chick do so so music then Metallica do anyting at all. In my opinion we´ve reached the point in history when the output of shit Metallica has canceled out the releases of legendary Metallica.

  66. Evil says:

    Holy FUCK! Don’t ever do that to me again!

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