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...And Fuck You Too

VERY LIKELY THE WORST METALLICA COVER I’VE EVER HEARD

 Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 at 11:30am by

I don’t know who you are, Stefanie Heinzmann, but give yourself a big ol’ pat on the back. You’ve managed to make Avril Lavigne look like Chuck Schulinder. I’d rather listen to Attack Attack! cover Katy Perry, fer Chrissakes.

I’m saying this sucks.

MS Maniac Charlie Famer sent this to us, and claims that it was a big hit in Switzerland last year. Assuming that’s true, I’d just like to take this moment to say suck it, Switzerland.

-AR

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  • Armando

    FUCK.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jesse-Menard/502061034 Jesse Menard

    turrrible

  • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

    Well, they get a +1 for trying to do something different with the song, and a -1000 on the execution. That sucked.

    • DaylightReckoning

      Seconded.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rob-Kurkjian/1238131077 Rob Kurkjian

    I would venture to say this is the worst ive ever heard

    …chicks hot though Ide boink that

    • Phil

      Nah, she’s not hot, you’ll do better.

      • tyler

        long as she keeps her fucking mouth shut

  • brosupre

    When it kicked in, it felt like I was suffering from a stroke.

  • masterofpuppies

    I really wasn’t expecting it to kick in like that! Got to say, it made me laugh…

  • Bubba J

    Do not use Chucks name in vain.

    • Ziltoid

      That’s right, Chuckdamnit.

  • cookie

    Wow, that was bad.

    Only a little better than the original.

    • You Suck

      1

  • Gecko

    I think I just contracted swine flu from watching that.

  • TrapThem

    isn’t it Chuck Schuldiner not Schulinder?

    • Kuranes

      Yes it is.

    • Canvas Of Flesh

      I think they were trying to “Jewize” his name.

      • Fink

        Pretty sure Schuldiner already is a Jewish name…

        • Phil

          Exactly.

    • vegan

      the only chuck that matters is the one with the last name Norris

  • http://www.thejamminjabber.com thejamminjabber

    Better than Unforgiven II

    • Grymmbear

      And Unforgiven III.

  • Jake

    Weird

  • Clit Banger

    Why the fuck is there a band in the video??? This must be a remix of the original remake, or something… or… just, fuck Switzerland. Or fuck this skank, fuck it, fuck both.

  • Kyle

    According to Metallica their suit against Napster wasn’t about money but rather control of their own music. I specifically recall Lars saying he didn’t want to wind up hearing Enter Sandman in a toothbrush commercial. So, if fear of having your music bastardized was the great motivator why not stop garbage like this?

    • JOe Bananas

      Because you can’t stop someone doing their own version of your song. You can stop samples, but not new recordings. Sure Hetfield and Ulrich won’t object to publishing income however…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-Crispen/100000169530540 Jason Crispen

    the song’s not as bad as the video.

  • canea

    I kind of liked it. I felt like I was watching Scooby Doo.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

      I lol’d.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Acerra/508945856 Michael Acerra

    this fucking rules. I’d rather listen to this amy winehouse rip off than the real song any day.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rik-Powell/286400508 Rik Powell

    Switzerland brought us Eluveitie though, so I’ll let them off this time…

    • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

      Damn right

  • PaxlRose

    Probably would do better covering other songs. Not a bad voice. Goofy video.

    She’s also got the hot librarian thing going on with the glasses.

    • Marcel

      “She’s also got the hot librarian thing going on with the glasses.”

      Yep, that’s about the only good thing. The Unforgiven is far from my favorite Metallica tune, but jezus… that was horrible.

  • http://www.blacklodges.com steven

    yep this was pretty big in all of northern europe.

  • jacobdinx

    just found another reason to Cobain myself!

  • asw

    I liked it. Very much

  • Rik

    Actually this really isn’t that bad, anyway.

  • Sammy

    With the first 5 seconds of intro, it sounded like it might stay somewhat true to the original. But then the poppy, sorta syncopated funk-pop guitar caused a reaction deep within my bowels.

    • Mutt Weiler

      amen, brother.

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    I love it

    • MetalMeatHammer

      And a great touch with the phantom guitars. Sorry to see Hetfield has really let himself go….

  • jason

    For some reason the link doesn’t show up on the page so I found it myself. Errr…that’s 45 seconds of my life I’ll never get back.

  • Damien L.

    Most metal non-metal video ever. Couldn’t you feel the emotion when she kicked the chair over?

  • braincake

    thanks for ruining my month.

  • http://www.concatenationrecords.com Kodiak

    Hmm – this is making me rethink doing a jazz-funk version of Immortal’s “Pure Holocaust”.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Hulsey/653830783 David Hulsey

      hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

  • Me

    Her voice sounds really close to Katy Perry’s. Your reference seemed appropriate.

  • erock

    Is this the Swiss equivalent of Miley Cyrus? Cuz I’d be pretty pissed if someone like that did something like this?

  • loose nut

    by the way, this shit comes straight outta kartoffelland (read: germany) so don’t blame switzerland.

    • Chimp-0-Neg

      The girl is from Switzerland, she got famous in Germany.

  • Glenn

    Didn’t Krokus also come from Switzerland? And Swiss Beats, too.

    • Grymmbear

      Swiss Miss does, too. Although NOBODY fucks with the Swiss Miss.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Hulsey/653830783 David Hulsey

    I still like this better than the black album. The kid in the video pisses me off. I seriously hate him.

    • metalguy

      what the fuck was his problem? sitting in his chair like that

  • Zombie(really)

    I would agree that this is one of the worst covers i’ve heard….but i would still rather listen to this then attack attack..

  • metalguy

    pretty cute.

    • metalguy

      she is

  • Joe the Destroyer

    that was funny as shit

  • Dan

    I wish they just quit when Cliff died then we wouldn’t have crap like this

  • d00shc00gr

    raged @ 0:21

  • Phil

    Well, lyric “that old man here is me” suits her the best.

  • Jimmy

    It was catchy.

  • Phil

    Now i want Metallica to cover “Never gonna give you up”.

    • Mutt Weiler

      Hetfield would have to add all the yeahs and whoas and hoohahs they could put it on the next cover album and call it Garbage Inc.

      • Phil

        Then you get my point.

      • Canvas Of Flesh

        I wonder when they’re writing their lyrics if they actually write down the “yeahs, whoos, and hoohahs…and even the heys”. That shit is so annoying.

    • http://evilsausage.livejournal.com/ Evil

      Not exactly what you wanted, but as close as you’ll ever get:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NN75im_us4k

  • http://fantasyh.wordpress.com fantasyh

    Wow, the guitar in the beginning sounds so fucking awful, and digital.
    Also, fuck you people. the Black Album is great.

    • Phil

      It is if you see it as a new start. No sarcasm, it is.

  • Malacoda

    SCHULDINER YOU FOOLS

  • http://www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com MetalMatt

    Whoa! Where did hell did that come from? the intro was tolerable but them the dance beats kicked in and i felt like stabbing my ears with a knitting needle.

    Where’s Tori Amos when you need her?

  • Shit Brick

    Stepping back and listening to it with unbiased ears… this wasn’t that bad. If it weren’t a cover, there wouldn’t of been this big stink about it… it’s all because its a cover that no one likes it.

    • reezle

      exacta-fucking-ly

  • Phil

    The only crossover between metal and something electronic that i found at times pleasing was Infected Mushroom.

  • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

    i’m still undecided on whether or not this is brilliant or complete shit.

  • You Don’t Know Me

    eh… i dunno… Van Canto’s cover of “Battery” is pretty god awful!

  • You Don’t Know Me

    This isn’t bad actually… it’s just not what you expect from a Metallica cover. I kind of… dare I say it… like it. I mean, it’s not great and it’s not as good as the original but I can’t really shit on it and say it sucks. It’s an interesting take on the song.

  • http://myspace.com/grobiwunder grobi wunder

    Awwwww, c’mon, guys! I’m from germany. We just thought we’ld have gotten rid of this… and now you remind us of this! Gosh!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Bowers/604122104 Mary Bowers

    somebody or something beats this girl….badly…..

  • Miguel G (Peru)

    When I first read this I was at work, in a PC without an audio output.

    Now I saw the 1st minute of this shit………oh my god, this has raised the bar for complete suckiness.

  • http://www.welovemetal.com We Love Metal

    That was a joke right, one of those mash ups. Please god let it be

  • http://www.myspace.com/themorbidkiller Joey

    That was an extremely shitty cover. Really…

  • Orz

    This cover is better than any Van canto’s cover
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9LaB9dq4Rw

  • Volkan

    What the fuking this shit !!!!
    Please RESPECT MetallicA !
    Delete this record !!!!

  • Ziltoid

    You know, at this point even Metallica covering Metallica is horrible to listen to. Dave Mustaine can actually sing better than James Hetfield now, which means he’s now 100% more awesome instead of 99%.

  • Failure

    Rocktallica wrote his song…how many times do I have to tell you fucks…metallica broke up when cliff died. period. No Cliff No Metal…

  • Killdeath

    Fucking thing SUCKS.

  • anthonii

    Id hit that, then i would slap the fuck out of it for that shit cover =/

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Bowers/604122104 Mary Bowers

      Peanut butter slap! (thanks Dane Cook)

  • DaylightReckoning

    lolwat?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Trip-Cahouet/706361037 Trip Cahouet

    I’d listen to this over Unforgiven II and III

  • miniPhil

    I lol’d hard. Then I wondered what everyone was giving out about. I like this.

  • Drew

    This is toe tappin.’

  • Phantasm

    The sad thing is, she can sing better than Hetfield. More attractive too. I honestly thought there was no guitar playing in the entire song until the end.

  • jxk

    it’s pretty cheesy but could have been worse.

    you can see lars try to suck up to her in an interview (no joke):
    http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=42892545&searchid=1eedbdad-6505-4e9f-b344-a80009923d2c

  • Hendecahedron

    I really wanted to slap that fucking kid, trying to look all cute or some shit. No, not slap, kick his fucking nose into his skull…

  • Bogi

    Obviously this is way better then the original ´cuz Metallica ain´t in the video. I´d rather see a semi hot chick do so so music then Metallica do anyting at all. In my opinion we´ve reached the point in history when the output of shit Metallica has canceled out the releases of legendary Metallica.

  • http://evilsausage.livejournal.com/ Evil

    Holy FUCK! Don’t ever do that to me again!