VIVIAN BLACK: THE GREATEST FEMALE IN THE HISTORY OF METAL, EVER

Monday, October 5th, 2009 at 1:00pm by

vivianblack

MS Maniac John Devos tipped us off to the existence of Vivian Black, with whom I was previously unfamiliar. And, honestly, I feel deeply, deeply ashamed. For Ms. Black is a true artiste, a creative genius of the highest order. Her thinking is just on an whole other level from most people. We can barely comprehend the ways in which she is pushing the envelope.

Here’s some background of Ms. Black, from the bio on her official website, which identifies Vivian as a “Vocalist & Author,” “Actress,” “Proucer & Director,” “Author” (but not vocalist this time!), and “Occultist“:

Vivian Black, is a multifaceted artist: actress of the horror genre, female Metal solo singer, creator of black metal performances, composer, screenwriter, writer, artistic producer and director. A talented woman, whose potential has not been recognized by show business, nor by most of the public of her native country.

This website will clarify, for the first time, who Vivian Black really is; her attributes and virtues, her artistic work, her talent spread out one hundred per cent, her real aims, her mythical and enigmatic personality, and the limit between reality and fiction, the character (or not) of the addressed by many “Witch of metal”, “Princess of darkness”, “Black witch”, or “Satanic singer”.

Is your mind blown yet? No? Well how about now?

Or now?

Or now?

She’s incredible, right? And here I’ve been, wasting my time writing about bands like Gojira and Tool and Slayer, when the greatest thing ever to happen to music was just running around out there, being incredible and sexy and smart and funny and… oh, Vivian, I can’t live with you. Will you marry me?

-AR

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  • iolanach

    I’d give her one.

    • Uglymicrowave

      when she was riding that dude whipping his ass i almost shit my dick….

      another question?

      is she mentally handicapped? b/c she seems like she’s got downs or something of that nature…she’s defintly not from america….sounds mexican to me….especially with the shitty production

      • Trux

        being a mexican myself i kinda felt insulted by your assumption…. so I did my little research and the chick is from Argentina….. you were right about not being from the States.

  • Facebook User

    /facepalm

    • John

      Yep

  • permafrost

    Wow. That’s just… awful.

    • Urban Outdoorsman

      Im Dumb… I was actually expecting that to be good. I admit it you guys got me. Fuckers.

  • Driven9

    damn what a babe. Ms. Black can only be described as the past, present, and future or brutal metal.

  • You Don’t Know Me

    Oh man! I laughed so hard at that! Thank you, MetalSucks, for brightening up my day!

  • Jimmy

    That was fucking awful.

  • joshkid

    Ha! Great job Axl! This chick sucks bigtime!!!
    I’ll bet you $20 that she’s a tranny!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Travis-Coy/550494220 Travis Coy

      I’ll take that fucking bet!!!

  • timmah

    i just lost my appetite.

  • orbital

    I was expecting porn

    • Natsquatch

      1

    • You Suck

      me too actually glad it wasn’t.

  • Shep

    I managed less than 2 minutes of the first video…

  • http://www.solidsterecords.com NoCowNoFood

    WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! :( THIS SUCKS

  • Beard

    Shit reminds me of Wesley Willis… but not as funny.

    • The Goat

      Or as mind-blowingly brilliant either.

  • http://neverontime.wordpress.com sleepy

    Is it just me or does she kind of sound more like Cartman mixed with a hint of…what’s that key ingredient..oh yeah, shit?

    • heartskull

      you are not alone.

    • canea

      I was going to say she sounds like Corky, but Cartman works OK too.

  • http://www.gamesmeetmetal.com Gamesmeetmetal.com

    So, what community television station were those videos recorded at?

  • Blake

    From her website: “At the age of six, she wrote three short horror novels, (still unpublished to the present time)”

    I’m sure the literary world has suffered a great loss.

    • Nate

      ROFL

    • metalguy

      Such riveting peices of literature as “the blue ghost” and “the monster in the basement”

  • Nate

    LOL. I’m so glad sarcasm exists.

  • Nick

    Lili Von Shtupp?

    • narcopolypse

      Then get your freaking feet of the stage!

  • zack

    My question is who are these fucking bags of dicks that are in her “band”? How shitty must you be that THIS is what you decide is a good idea to play music in…OOOF

    Sweet tits though

    • You Suck

      Those tits scare hungry breast feeding children into Similac fits!!!

      • zack

        ha!

  • You Suck

    Oh shit that was outright awful! Just…I don’t even know. I think laughable would just about describe it but I think she takes herself serious. So that in itself is so so sad.

  • Orz

    Oh man, she kinda sounds like Cartman on the first video, didnt have the courage to watch the 2 other…

    • http://www.hatespire.com Nymik

      You’re absolutely right! lmao!

  • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

    The amount of Gaussian Blur on that picture at the top is hilarious… do her boobs really hang down to her belly button?

    • http://www.roxwel.com Pick-Axe Bobby

      Well, that third video will very clearly answer your question.

  • I’m not racist, but I hate Oceano

    I feels dirty and creepy after watching that first video…

  • beardy

    motorboat

    • orbital

      i lol’d

  • http://www.myspace.com/i_be_groovin THRASHETTE

    Dude… I started off reading the article thinking you were actually praising her… I died a little.

  • You Suck

    I girded my loins and watched all of the vids and WOW, Fucking horrible. And fuck yeah she sounds like Cartman. Jebus Christ is that fucking incredibad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

    God dammit! She reminds me of another goofy black metal chick, but I cannot for the life of me remember her name? Can someone help me out? She does like art performance videos and the quality is even worse than this. The vids I saw were about Hamlet and the other one was like a bloody wedding scene! Help! And If I figure it out I will post it asap!

  • DemonicLemming

    When she started……vocalizing in he first song, I laughed so hard my glasses fell off. It sounds like Cartman using one of those cheap “voice changer megaphones” kids had in the early 90s.

  • cosk

    man i saw that picture and all i could think of was titties….
    i mean this is stupid…
    but.
    the tities are right there…

    • Trux

      agreed.. in fact , in the third video, the live one, all I did was staring at her tits the whole time….. I really can tell about the performance

  • I

    I wonder how many bands members she’s gone through, because there’s no way anyone could be able to play on stage with her and not want to committ suicide.

  • http://RichardHead Josh Frank

    I always wanted to know what courtney love would sound like in a metal band

  • http://RichardHead Richard Head

    wow… in so many ways… wow.

  • Nicholas

    I still have to decide what’s worse: The videos or the songs.

  • Wanga

    “Eey em thee Mestress ef Seeen.” Man, what a horrible voice she’s got! Just… horrible! Yeah… horrible.

  • http://reaper-x.deviantart.com/ Reaper-X

    She’s trolling us…

  • http://www.vivian-black.com/ VIVIAN BLACK

    HELLO, EXCUSE ME, WHAT KIND OF COMMENTS DOES THE ADMINISTRATOR OF THIS SITE ALLOWS HERE?? IT’S ABSOLUTELLY IRREVERENT WITH ANY ARTIST!!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?? WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?? ASSHOLES!!

    • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

      Heyy baby, what’s your sign?

  • http://www.vivian-black.com/ VIVIAN BLACK

    I AM NOT A HANDYCAPPED , OR DUMB, OR AN IDIOT, OR ANYTHING YOU TELL ABOUT ME!!! WHAT IS THIS ?’ A JUDGMENT???’IN THE NAME OF WHAT??

    • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

      You spelled handicapped wrong.

      • http://www.vivian-black.com/ VIVIAN BLACK

        I DOESN`T CARE !!!!!!!! STOOPID!!!

  • http://www.vivian-black.com/ VIVIAN BLACK

    MY SIGN HAS AN ONLY NAME: “INDIGNATION”. I AM AN ARTIST, GOOD OR TERRIBLE, BUT AN ARTIST AT LAST. SO , THIS IT IS MUCH MORE. I ‘M SURE EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT ME , NOBODY IT’S AN ARTIST. DO YOU UNDERSTAND??

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Words can’t describe how turned on I am right now Viv.

  • http://www.vivian-black.com/ VIVIAN BLACK

    I AM VERY SHOCKED ABOUT THE DISRESPECTFUL COMMENTS THE ADMINISTRATOR ALLOWS, THAT’S ALL.

  • http://jas09.deviantart.com/ jas09

    Angela Gossow could kick her ass anyday.

    • VIVIAN BLACK

      REALLY??? I WILL BE WATING FOR HER, HAAAHAHAAAAAA!! FUCK OFF, STOOPIDS!!