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Contests

PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A COPY OF MOSE GIGANTICUS’ GIFT HORSE!

 Thursday, July 15th, 2010 at 4:30pm by

For last week’s Photo Caption Contest we offered up two copies of Bison B.C.’s latest stormer Dark Ages. The lucky winners are:

  • Bayonetwork: “Amon Afart”
  • MeesterDerp: “This is how a real warrior makes soup.”

Congrats, kiddos. This week we’ve got two copies of Mose Giganticus‘ debut release Gift Horse up for grabs from the good folks at Relapse Records. This week’s photo comes from Metal Maniacs head honcho Mike Riddick who says he’s met the guy in the Emperor shirt… whew, I’m sure glad I wasn’t in that crash. Fill in your caption below, and remember to use a real email address or write it in if you’re using FB Connect.

emperor car crash

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  • http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

    I’m just gonna borrow the car to go get some smokes bro…….

    • lolsfest

      Ahh! There was that coat-hanger we needed for that abortion!

  • Mongorian

    Hopefully Vince Neil died this time.

    • metallicbrian666

      WINNER

    • Coop

      Haha that’s funny

    • cougar party

      nailed it.

      • Poopenshaft

        win

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Goodkind/71106456 Ben Goodkind
  • mike

    moms gonna be so mad bro.

  • Bilbsy

    Clearly they were blasting ICP to loud which impaired there driving skills. I guess Jagaloo’s have more than 1 life…what a shame

  • Permafrost

    The Vince Neil “Arrive Alive” Driving School, while promising, was sadly short-lived.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Truitt/1822133913 Michael Truitt

    We would never sell you this car at Carmax.

    OR

    “Dude, That was so tight” “Yeah man we should do it again!”

  • Tanner

    With Smokes I Crash.

    metalhead462@hotmail.com

  • 6infinite6hatred6

    Vince Neil: The Teenage Years.

  • DieByTheChord

    According to the police report, the driver lost control of the vehicle when he swerved to avoid an angsty, diminutive troll-like creature that was skulking in the road. Unfortunately, nobody was injured.

  • DieByTheChord

    Beats getting rear-ended by Danzig.

  • http://deleted Ken

    More proof that hippies and metalheads don’t mix well.

  • VII

    Official Police Report:
    Apparently, when they found out the prize for their picture on Metalsucks.com’s “Photo Caption Contest” was Mose Giganticus “The Gift Horse”, they knew they they had “officially reached the bottom,” and that “Ihsahn would be ashamed”

  • http://deleted Ken

    or Bad things happen when hippies hang with metalheads

  • Seer

    Screw the car, my copy of IX Equilibrium was in there!

  • themutedhorn

    Playing air-drums while driving is fine until the double bass drum blast beats start.

    • Anthony R.

      +1000

      I think we have a winner

    • http://www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com MetalMatt

      winner!

  • Joe

    Curse you all men!

  • BruisedMetal

    Never let the hippy drive

  • Spanky

    This was the crash that killed metal…the only thing that made it out was breakdowns

  • VoP

    Cliff Burton Tribute Ride.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/JT-OBrien/568906438 JT OBrien

      thats fucked up haha

      • Anthony R.

        fucked up but still hilarious nonetheless

  • moses valenzuela

    When happens when you mix Cannibal Corpse with Grateful Dead.

  • http://Ihopeno canea

    No one really knows why Mortiis (pictured here, sans make-up) severed his ties with Emperor, though he was rumored to have crashed more than one of the band’s rental vehicles while joyriding with a mysterious flip-flop and tie-dye-clad giant.

  • Joe

    That dude in the Emperor shirt is way shorter than the tie-dye kid. Is this even real? They’re standing at about the same spot on the ground.

  • scottp

    rock and roll over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • DetectiveJohnKimble

    “Dude, grab the battery charger. We HAVE to jump this thing. My Decrepit Birth CD is in the CD player!”

  • brandonwartooth

    “Shew, mom, I swear Eyes Set to Kill came on the radio and my entire life flashed before my eyes immediately after.”

  • inhumanrampager

    Dude, where’s my car?

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Bo Yo the Greatest Rapper Ever’s blood-alcohol level was twelve times the legal limit when he crashed on the way to the Midget Rodeo.

  • seth

    The Loss And Curse Of Auto Maintenance

    or

    In The Roadside Ditch

    or

    Godspeed, You Black Emperor!

    • SP420

      Roadside Ditch…win.

  • Stolas Trephinator

    WOOOOOOAH BLACK TAHOE!

  • columbo

    I am the black jizz-tards.

  • Ryan

    Why would we fucking need jumper cables in this situation?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Roger-Prindle/518661975 Roger Prindle

    That’s what happens to guys who wear sandals.

  • Tyler09

    “Did you see that!? I got all four of those juggalo fucks!!”

  • Dunlopeth

    Slow Down You! Black Emperor

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Yevgeniy-Reznichenko/1053344492 Yevgeniy Reznichenko

      You deserve it for the Godspeed You Black Emperor reference.

    • crimsonking58

      Agreed, best one.

  • luis flores

    this is onstar
    we apologize, apparently our vehicles can’t stand playing the new attack attack album and decide to kill whoever listens to it.
    new megadeth album in on his way

  • David Schwartz

    Metallica’s merch hit a new low with the release of the Cliff Burton line of vehicles.

  • Adam

    Flip Core – when hip hop hydraulics and reckless metal headbanging collide.

  • Wookie983

    YOU ALL READY TO SMASH SOME FRUIT?!

  • DeathToAll

    Lookin’ good you fucking putrid fucks!

  • Suanne

    When Metal gets too heavy… (See Mose Giganticus.)

  • ITTOA666

    Ihsahd.

  • XariaK

    “But dude did you see that Unicorn!!???”

  • metallicbrian666

    Church burnings are sooo 1993

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mtt-Fields/1035483747 Mätt Fields

    The tragic end to the Vince Neil/Emperor collaboration.

  • sumguy42

    Skid Row went too far

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mtt-Fields/1035483747 Mätt Fields

    Paramedics were not able to pull Mortiis from the flaming car in time, resulting in severe troll-like burns all over the bassist’s body.

  • Sean

    Do A Barrel Roll !

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/JT-OBrien/568906438 JT OBrien

    dude we should never fuck that hard again.

  • http://metalmykee.blogspot.com Metal Mykee

    A Cautionary Tale: The vortex in time space that is created when hippies and metal heads come in close contact, can be quite a dangerous phenomenon.

  • themutedhorn

    I can’t blame these guys, I would have driven into oncoming traffic if satellite radio started playing The Devil Wears Prada too.

  • Adam Vance

    I never knew Vince Neil’s driving record and Motley Crue’s first album “Too Fast For Love” could be summarized in just one photo.

  • D. Bliss

    “Say man-dals are kvlt one more time, watch what happens next.”

  • Stephen H. Martin

    Far Beyond Driven.

  • Malamor

    “I think torching a church would have been a lot cooler bro”

  • Satanicbrutality

    The hazards of road head…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-Long/100000144612811 Mike Long

    This is your brain on Limp Bizkit

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ian-Smith/507358528 Ian Smith

    I told you not to wear that shirt.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Luis-Rodriguez/601735615 Luis Rodriguez

    True Metallica fans

  • Suanne

    “Dude, I told you you were going to make us top heavy.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robby-Steuer/518113596 Robby Steuer

    show me the carnifex!

  • Coop

    “Fuck! I knew I shouldn’t have given the dude from Melechesh a ride in the Bible Belt!”

  • The_Dude

    i told him if he didnt stop playin the devil wears prada that id flip this car.

  • Graig

    Didn’t know Tiger was an Emperor fan or that he shaved his head!

  • corpsemayer

    The car mosh pit got a little out of control!

  • Cody

    How many time must I remind people that Nissans are not Shovel Headed Kill Machines

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tom-Horton/1074905683 Tom Horton

    ” Rare footage of Scott Weilend and Vince Neil in driver’s ed ”

    Vulgardisplay21@aol.com

  • Blackwaterburial

    Dude… I told you I Didn’t want to see your Vince Neil Impression……

  • Chief

    Once again, Kirk Hammett is glad he switched bunks.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Richard-Adragna/18902481 Richard Adragna

    Virginians know how to make car accidents look more epicer.

    adragnarichard@gmail.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Yevgeniy-Reznichenko/1053344492 Yevgeniy Reznichenko

    I Am the “My mom is gonna kill me!” Wizards

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Yevgeniy-Reznichenko/1053344492 Yevgeniy Reznichenko
  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andy-Beaman/1260212418 Andy Beaman

    Emperors next offering, “Anthems from a head-on at dusk”, was inspired by A pathfinder inversed.

  • jwean

    Black metal fan and hippie come together to rally against the authority. Including newtonian physics.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Van-Kampen/100000359605573 Kyle Van Kampen

    shit happens when black metal purists and tie-dye wearing hippies collide

  • Heywood

    Dude, I think you misunderstood when I said “Let’s roll one.”

  • Chazboski

    Motor Vehicles. How do they work?

  • H3

    Move hippie, get out the way… Get out the way yo get out the way!
    Oh, and “far beyond driven” is definately a winner..

  • Eric

    The dangers of headbanging while driving.

  • The Pantangler

    “I told you I’d put the car into a ravine if you made me be seen with you in that stupid shirt.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/John-Cleaton/1215874149 John Cleaton

    “Dethroned Emperor”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Emmanuel-Quinones/100000463639580 Emmanuel Quinones

    van flip x 1000

  • Darumian

    Curse you minivan!

  • WowWee!

    This is what you call a totally brutal breakdown.

  • sicksixseth

    New Death Angel album September 14th!

  • Bob

    that’s the last tmie you get road head!

  • brandon

    Hmmmmm, vince neil was their driving instructor…well that explains alot.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Will-Morley/618112437 Will Morley

    Into the Roadside Eclipse

    wpmorley01@hotmail.co.uk

  • Mutt Weiler

    That’s why you wait until we hit the campsite before taking the shrooms you shaggy fuck!

  • Dan

    Anthems to SeatBeltin at Dusk featuring Jerry Carcia

  • Anthony

    Never try to make out anything from “In the Nightside Eclipse” while driving.

  • C Frazier

    Don’t let friends juggallo and drive.

    frazier.colin@gmail.com

  • Tim

    Black Metal is twisted.

  • Dave

    “Lambgoaters” strike again

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tom-Boyd/1682490002 Tom Boyd

    Cliff Burton suprise. Is that kid wearing a zebra strip shirt?

  • Suanne

    I think we captured that trashing metal sound for our next CD.

  • AARONIUS

    DUDE! I told you we needed to re-record the demo before we put it in the car stereo!

  • jeff

    these guys were headbangin far to hard

  • Dave

    Giant Hippy and Small Metalhead foiled by the Dukes of Hazard again

  • Ghost Dad

    “I Should of Remembered them 5 Girls”

  • dan nash

    too much metal for one car.

    nissan flip.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gordon-John-Albert/545967596 Gordon John Albert

    Emperor’s new line of SUV’s: The Nightside Eclipse

  • McHammered

    We came, We saw,We destroyed… And kept on rocking :)

  • McHammered

    We came, We saw,We destroyed… And kept on rocking :)

    tattedguy13@yahoo.com

  • McHammered

    oops didnt mean to re post… computer trippin!

  • http://www.myspace.com/5stringsubsonicrumble tr00

    The oft-maligned ‘Lunesta Effect’ of Korn’s latest album is now becoming a safety hazard on local roadways, says local officials after local Highway Patrol responded to to the scene of a non-fatal vehicle rollover. Inexplicably, Sully Erna was re-arrested and investigated.

  • really?

    I was playing my judas priest album backwards and it said roll the truck so I just went for it

  • Jesse

    Couldn’t you have found a better way to get your lighter out from between the seats?

  • Alex

    Hey bro, got a light?

  • doubleA

    This is why breakdowns are gay

  • Andrew

    Roldy, I dont think were getting to White Castle in this…

  • harold

    When Scott Ian drives the Anthrax Career

  • http://multimedia-ami.deviantart.com/ amelia

    Metallica’s career in a nutshell^^^ Fun during the joyride but then it crashed and burned because of a stupid mistake.

    • http://multimedia-ami.deviantart.com/ amelia

      or:
      Hey, look, it’s Metallica’s career!

  • DD

    You must be this tall to ride this ride. (Pointing at dude wearing the Emperor shirt)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Reilly-Mulligan/1588285339 Reilly Mulligan

    “Did it hurt when you ladies fell from heaven? Because it completely annihilated our car…”

  • A2James

    Just drive far…away, I don’t care where, just far…away…

  • MikeForbid

    Blasting the Scorpions through New Orleans was not such a good idea.

  • ShermMcNasty

    “Fuck man, my Slayer mix-tape was in there!”

  • tofuDOOM

    METAL AS FUCK

  • Inheritance Funded Vengeance

    two ton paperweight

  • LYCANTHROPE

    You want screeching, grinding, twisted black metal? You got it.

  • Rachel

    Concrete-grind-core.

  • Pony

    (statement from police) After not being able to light his cigarette inside the car with the cigarette lighter, the person got out, flipped his car and used the jumper cables to suffice his addiction. At this time we are not sure if cigarettes are addictive.

  • Dwarfskeet

    Mock.
    Yeah.
    Ing.
    Yeah.
    Bird.
    Yeah.
    Yeah!

  • William Lyons

    “The Loss and Curse of Car Crash”

  • Rahm Stein

    At first, Faust wasn’t really mad at the fact that his vehicle was totaled. It wasn’t until he noticed that his black, metal truck nuts were missing that Faust took the hippie to the to the nearest church to kill two birds with one match.

  • Rahm Stein

    “Yeah, that was pretty metal. Now lose the shirt and siphon that gas, we’re heading back to that church we just passed.”

  • Rahm Stein

    Hippie: “Can I call you a cab?”
    Metalhead: “Sure, and I’ll call you a cocksucker!”

  • Rahm Stein

    “I told you this was bat country!”

  • Rahm Stein

    Young Dr. Gonzo: “Jesus! You see what God just did to us, man?”
    Young Metal Raoul Duke: “God didn’t do that, you did it!”

  • http://www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com MetalMatt

    Crushing Black Metal

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christopher-Green/658840006 Christopher Green

    “That was one hell of a moshpit!”

  • tsniagaesir

    Now how do we get to Wacken

    gonyyankees10@yahoo.com

  • Kris

    This is what happens when The Acacia Strain and Emmure are in the same state…