Metal Etiquette

HEAVY METAL BLUNDERS: VINCE GETS SLAMMER, ALICE BASSIST CHAINED, LARSUIT + MORE INSANITY/INANITY

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Round Two of Heavy Metal Blunders brings us, who else? Vince Neil! Yes, the official MS Mansion punching monkey got shipped off to the can last week. At this point, I don’t really care. But I did get a chuckle out of his girlfriend, Alicia Jacobs, who was concerned for her bank account, err… boyfriend. Jacobs claimed Neil was “not eating much other than peanut butter, Doritos and stuff like that. He had a baloney sandwich one day. It’s not optimal conditions.” I wonder what Razzle thinks about dem apples?

MetalSucks’ own Anso DF informed us last week that Sharon Osbourne settled out of court with some random bimbo over an assault charge. If you ask me, the girl should have known attacking Ozzy would lead to a Jerry Springer moment. BTW, I find it funny that so many people hate on SO when the “Prince of Darkness” himself proclaimed in his autobiography that if it wasn’t for her, he wouldn’t be alive today.

Former Alice in Chains bassist and Celebrity Rehab dickbrain puppy dog, Mike Starr, was arrested for “two felony counts of possession of a controlled substance for 6 pills of a painkiller called Opana and 6 pills of Xanax, an anti-anxiety drug.” Allegedly, Starr tried to pull the ol’ “Hey Occifer, I’m in Alice in Chains” card, but to no avail. I guess the cop was more of a Tad fan.

MS co-headcheese Axl Rosenberg recently told y’all about our fourth favorite (after Bruce Dickinson, Blaze Bayley, and Steve Harris mouthing the lyrics — I kid) Iron Maiden singer, Paul Di’Anno’s lovely scamming of the system. Douchebag.

Okay, I promise — no lame-ass “rat in a cage” jokes. Former Smashing Pumpkins bassist D’Arcy Wretzky was recently nabbed for being a moron. Two years ago she was cited with allowing her horses to escape her property and through her small hometown — “Animals running at large,” the authorities called it. Okay, all Wretzky has to do was pay a small fine and go to court. Well, she never paid the fine and failed to show up to court on four different occasions. Thus, a warrant for her arrest and six days in the pokey. At least she takes a stunning mugshot.

Seems Metallica’s Lars Ulrich has been slapped with a lawsuit by former personal assistant, Steven Wiig, for not paying him enough money for over-time and year-end bonuses. Lars, stiff someone? Never!!

Wiig’s job? Chaffeur and art curator. How \m/ is that?

MEGADAVE HARASSED ON RED CARPET @ GRAMMYS

Dave Mustaine gets a lot of shit around here at the MS Mansion, but when you have to deal with morons like this, who can blame the guy for being a prick sometimes? Wow, some Jim Rome-level humor on the second vid.

Former Guns ‘n Roses guitarist Slash’s wife, Perla Ferrar, has been accused of assaulting plus-sized porn actress, Samantha Slopes (pictured above), at a recent Slash/Ozzy Osbourne concert. Slopes claimed Ferrar was jealous when she saw Slopes speaking with her husband and kicked Slopes in the stomach. No official charges have been brought against Ferrar as of yet, but a police investigation is under way.

I’m speechless…

Matthew Hall, AKA, “Blaps Warmonger,” lead growler for Kiwi-death metal band, Backyard Burial, was recently murdered in his home. Authorities there called it one of the most “brutal” murder scenes they had seen in decades. Detective Senior Sergeant Dave Thornton said, “In 23 years [as a member] of the police, I’ve seen a number of homicides… these are some of the most graphic and horrific injuries I’ve seen.” Thornton added that Hall was “a 35-year-old gentleman who was employed by Capital and Coast Health. He was involved in the heavy-metal scene as a singer in a band. He had quite an active social life and a good group of friends and associates.”

I’m not familiar with Backyard Burial or Hall, but it always pains me to see a fellow metalhead taken away, especially under such seemingly brutal circumstances. Hailz to Hall’s friends, family, and fans.

…AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

Yes, Ozzy Osbourne voices a deer in the poorly reviewed box office flop, Gnomeo and Juliet.

How many times can Randy Rhoads turn over in his grave?

-CM

Corey Mitchell is a best-selling author of several true crime books.

Join Corey at Facebook and Twitter.

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