...And F*ck You Too



I wasn’t at Metallica’s Orion Music + More Festival this past weekend, and even if I had been I don’t think I would have gone to see Modest Mouse because that particular band just ain’t my bag. So I don’t know how the audience reacted to their set at the fest. But Metal Insider says the band performed for “a polite but nonplussed crowd,” which I guess sounds about right. Unless you’re in Modest Mouse — seems they weren’t too happy with the ‘Tallica fans’ reaction to their set. ‘Cause the Village Voice reports that MM vocalist/guitarist Isaac Brock said the following to the audience at the Governer’s Ball festival on Randall’s Island (which also featured Beck and Fiona Apple) the following evening:

“We played with Metallica last night [at Orion Fest], and I gotta tell you, you guys are so much more attractive—and you probably don’t still live at home.”

And as someone who often insults others for a living, I gotta say, that is some weak sauce. Really, brah? Indulging in the oldest cliché about metal dudes in the book is the best you can do? I mean, if you’re gonna disrespect people, try and come up with an original burn! For example, I would never call Isaac a scruffy flannel-attired dickface who ironically wears ridiculous head gear because unimaginative fun-haters find it hilarious.

No no no, I would point out that his unshaven chin fold looks like Jabba the Hutt’s vagina, that he has the singing ability of my anus after I’ve consumed a delightful cheese plate, that all of his songs sound the same and that that sound is the sound of a depressed high schooler vowing to be cool one day and succeeding only because he understands how to play to his fucktarded demographic and not because he actually has anything interesting to contribute to the world, and that if he were an insurance salesman from Poughkeepsie, he’d be married to a homemaker named Rita, who would wake up every morning and contemplate setting the house on fire. And that’s just off the top of my head!


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