Greatest Hits

The formula 4 good music: Generic, but with a gimmick (*please read*)

0

Screen Shot 2013-09-05 at 11.05.14 AM

Many bands think that being a good musician means that u should do something “original.” However, this is wrong. “Being original” is just something that ppl use as an excuse when nobody likes their music because it is crappy and weird. I know many of u are in bands or whatever, and in this post I will share with u the knowledge I have accumulated in 20+ of being a metal insider: THE FORMULA FOR GOOD MUSIC!!!

Note, I want to be clear that when I say “good music,” I am talking about stuff that ppl actually listen to. Not those bands who everybody refers to as “critically acclaimed” when u know what they really mean is “nobody likes this stupid band except nerds who write record reviews and use the word ‘amazing’ way too much.” So please do not try arguing with me by bringing up some stupid band that nobody has heard of unless they read Decibell Magazine.

A few examples to prove my point:

mushroomhead

SLIPKNOT

This band is the perfect example of “[familiar thing] with [gimmicky element that will pique their interest]”. Their music is just ok, but that is ok because it is not really an important part of their success. By analyzing the dynamics of relevant markets such as Spencer’s Gifts customer base, monster truck rallies, WWE wrestling, Stone Cold cardboard standees, and ppl who were enrolled in GED programs they saw that “slightly above average nu-metal with cool masks and a zany stage show” was the winning formula. U see, their fans do not know the difference between good and bad music. They just want to see a bunch of explosions and ppl in wacky costumes jumping around on stage. So it would be a waste to put a lot of effort into their music! Ppl just want something familiar but with a cool gimmick!!!

Ur gimmick does not have to be a visual one, it can be a musical one. Like how SUISIDE SILENCE are basically just Corpsegrinder-era generic death metal with breakdowns. If ur fat little fingers are rushing to the “reply” button to accuse me of trolling, take an honest listen and if u don’t think this song (minus the breakdowns) could be an outtake from “Bloodthirst” or “Gallery Of Suiside” then idk, u should stop lying to urself and/or getting a hearing aid.

On the other hand, u have bands like NECROPHAGIST who do not bring anything new to the table and as a result are failures both commercially and artistically. U see, they did not challenge themselves enough when they were thinking of their gimmick. They were probably just like, “let’s play v bland death metal that is absolutely indistinguishable from what every other death metal band ever has already done but our solos will be 10% faster.” U dum dums, that is not a valid gimmick!!! To succeed, they needed to take it further, like “generic death metal where there are no riffs, just solos.” And everybody in the band has a ponytail and wears Vibrams, so their fanbase would be like “u r one of us!!!”

GHOST BC

If u think that u are immune to gimmicks, u are wrong. If ur reading this site, there is a 99.9% chance that u have referred to the band GHOST BC as “amazing,” when they are basically just MUSHROOMHEAD for hipsters who read Decibell Magazine (ie, not actually amazing at all). idk why ppl even call them metal or whatever bc they sound like a song from that crappy KISS album “Music From The Elder.” All it takes is some cheap costumes to make ur crappy music “art” and earn the hipster stamp of approval!

The+Black+Dahlia+Murder

THE BLACK DAHLIA MURDER

Sometimes the most successful gimmicks are the most subtle ones. For example, TBDM’s value proposition of “melodeath played by 90s hardcore kids.” The approachable demeanor, zany antics and carefree attitude that they cultivated by growing up NOT in the metal scene but in the 90s hardcore scene enabled them to engage many consumer segments outside the typical fanbase of a metal band (eg ppl who do not have aspergers, ppl who are not virgins, ppl who do not exist for the sole purpose of forcing their excessively strong opinions on others). This is because their gimmick is that they are not really metal band at all: they are a hardcore band!! Hats off to TBDM for this brilliant marketing strategy and congratulations on the success of their new album “Everblack”!!

Comments
Metal Sucks Greatest Hits