Friday 5

The Five Most Metal David Hasselhoff Videos Of All Time

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David Hasselhoff with PuppiesIf you haven’t seen the “True Survivor” video yet, you’re a fucking clown. This ’80s synthwave masterpiece has everything — Nazis, dinosaurs, Viking girls with mini-guns, the god Thor, and most of all, David Hasselhoff, star of Knight Rider and Baywatch, love of Germany. While the song isn’t terribly brutal, it’s video is straight out of a 1985 issue of Heavy Metal Magazine. We’re hooked.

This got us wondering, though — when else has the Hoff shown himself to be metal as hell? And since we here at the MetalSucks Mansion are easily given to whimsy and obsession, we decided to compile these moments for you. So:

The Five Most Metal David Hasselhoff Videos Of All Time

1. “Looking For Freedom”

Mostly made up of footage from Knight Rider, this video opens with Kit the living car driving through a wooden wall. Badass. It also features some ’80s hair, lighting, and fake smoke that could’ve been right out of the “Lick It Up” video.

2. The Hoff goes apeshit in German in Dodgeball

The German team in Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story worships Hasselhoff — they chant over a picture of him before every match. And when they lose to Average Joe’s Gym, David ain’t happy. Hearing the Hoff belt out German insults is more metal than a steel boot full of quarters.

3. “Jump In My Car”

The leather jacket and white undershirt combo, the dismissive honeys, the colors of America — Hasselhoff is going full Hoff in this video. Note the part where the woman gets in his car, and it looks for all the world like she’s going down on the Hoff. Super classy.

4. Hasselhoff eats a burger while tragically hammered

It can’t all be good times and AI sportscars. Much like Matt Pike, who is behind a different kind of HoF, Hasselhoff had to wrestle his own demons to perfect this art. Here, we see him at his lowest, eating a burger on the floor while his daughter calls him on his shit. The lesson here? Growing up under David Hasselhoff makes you raw enough to rail at a famous alcoholic to his face.

5. The Hoff brings down the Berlin Wall

David Hasselhoff isn’t just looking for freedom, he’s making it happen. He didn’t just sit there and let his legion of German fans wonder if the Berlin would ever be united. He Hoffed, and he puffed, and he blew that fucker down.

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