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Ask MetalGF: Regarding Long Distance Relationships and Your Work Crush

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Please send real questions to askmetalgf AT metalsucks DOT net. I’m here to help with advice on life, relationships, career… whatever! You can also follow me on Twitter.

Dear MetalGF,

I have been dating a girl on and off for a year and she is great. The problem is that she lives in New York and I live in Oakland. The long distance is extremely difficult and I’m not sure how willing either of us are to move. We both love our jobs and cities. Please help MetalGF!

Here on the coast, we like to act like California and New York are close together. “No big deal!” we say. “My gf lives in LA, my job is in NY, I am BICOASTAL!” But the truth is that they are not close at all! Literally, it is a shorter flight to ICELAND, and you don’t often hear about someone pursuing their dream in Reykjavik while their significant other is slaving away in midtown Manhattan. 

Everyone needs to chill with this way of thinking, because it gets people like YOU into long distance relationships (LDRs) with people who live mad far. If this gal even lived in Colorado and you could go Friday to Sunday without spending fifteen hours in airport/on an airplane with a day of jet lag, I’d be into it. But I think in this case, you should keep in touch with this no doubt special lady while pursuing other relationships. If a time comes when you are ready to move cross country (or she is) because you feel like this is the real thing, then it will be obvious at that point. Otherwise, be free like birds. It will give you the answers you crave. Opening yourself up to meeting people within your own city will either be easy and you can meet someone who you can be with while keeping your job and life, OR it will feel totally wrong and you will miss her horribly and decide that she is more important than anything else and jump on that extremely long flight, this time with a one-way ticket.

Dear MetalGF,

I have a small crush on a guy at work. He is metal, I’m more punk, but in the sea of boring people we work with, he and I have something special (I think?!). He asked me to have drinks tomorrow after work and I don’t want to be weird and think it’s a date if it isn’t. If a guy from work asks you to have drinks with him after work, is that a date? Or just a casual coworker bonding experience?

This sounds like it has real potential. And guess what? You do not need to know if it is a date or not. In fact, maybe you will have a better time and be more yourself if you just assume it is not. This is how so many great relationships start. You already have a lot in common and seeing how that blossoms outside of the work place, in a bar, is exactly what I would recommend. I would look for a few clues about how he sees it: are conversations non-work related? Is there flirting? Is there touching or physical contact? What is the venue like? How long are you there for? I think you can trust your intuition and his intentions will be clear. 

My suspicion is that this guy sees in you what you see in him: a like-minded soul and perhaps a fellow black sheep in his daily snoozeville environs. Taking this out of the office is a worthwhile experiment for both of you. Even if the romantic sparks aren’t there, a friendship seems well within reason. 15-20% of Americans meet their S.O. at work, so my money is on you two. 

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