Puscifer, Maynard James Keenan’s bizarro electro lounge music side-project, just announced a string of East Coast and Midwest dates for Spring 2010… and while I was initially very excited, upon further reflection I’m not so sure.

I feel like I’m in a cartoon, when a character has an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, both strongly making the case for their cause. Here’s what mine are saying:

Angel: It’s Maynard! He’s a genius! While Puscifer might not really be your bag, Maynard’s one of the most creative guys in all of music and will surely put on a show that’s at the very least entertaining. Go to the show! Come on! Do it! You know it’s the right thing and you won’t regret it.

Devil: Don’t bother with this tripe. The music’s not that interesting, and the show won’t be what you’re hoping for. Ultimately you want this to be Tool, and it isn’t Tool at all. Don’t waste your money or your time… no reason to go to this!

I’m divided. I really don’t know what to do. Halp!

Full list of tour dates after the jump.

-VN

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So not only does Tool’s Maynard James Keenan have his own winery, but someone made a documentary about it? How did this news completely escape me ’til now?

No matter. Blood into Wine, the documentary in question, is going to premiere at the W Hotel in Scottsdale, AZ on Feb. 19 at 7:00 pm. It will also see a limited theatrical release that same day, followed by a DVD release in the spring.

The process of making wine is actually pretty fascinating, but I’d be lying if I said my primary interest in this film isn’t getting a better glimpse of “a larger picture of the often reclusive singer,” as the press release promises. For all the times I’ve seen Tool and A Perfect Circle live and all the interviews with the guy I’ve read, I still don’t feel like I really know him. Of course, that’s part of Maynard’s appeal – in the trailer for the flick, he admits that “I’ve made a career out of not giving away the whole farm” – but I’d still love to try and get some kind of feel for who Maynard actually is. And the fact that Patton Oswalt, Bob Odenkirk, and some other cool non-metal peeps are all in the movie doesn’t hurt.

Check out the trailer by clicking on the image below.

-AR

I did actually buy V is for Vagina, the debut album from Maynard James Keenan’s Puscifer, but I never really got into it. Still, Maynard is the man, and this video for Puscifer’s “The Mission” is pretty cool – especially if you’re, uh, in the right state of mind.

Bonus: the female vocals are by Milla Jovovich. Jovovich seems to exclusively appear in unwatchable movies, but she’s hot, so, y’know, I’ll give her a pass. Any friend of Maynard’s is okay in my book.

The song comes from a new Puscifer EP, C is for (Please Insert Sophomoric Genitalia Reference Here), which I didn’t even know was coming out but will apparently be released on November 10.

That video was directed by a dude named Meats Meier, by the way. I wonder if he knows Bacon Jew?

-AR

In typical Tool fashion, the current reigning title-holders of “Best Band on the Planet” status have announced a mini U.S. tour for this summer with little fanfare or press hullabaloo. The first date of the tour — the rest of which was announced this morning on their head-scratchingly-still-stuck-in-2001-website — will take place on August 1st in New Jersey, and is actually part of the 3-day All Points West festival. The festival features a bunch of bands no one who reads this site will give a shit about (save possibly My Bloody Valentine; possibly some of you might be into this band, I’m looking at you Gary Suarez), which is quite frustrating as the rest of the country gets just Tool.

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Uberdrummer Josh Freese is getting ready to release a new solo album, Since 1972 (Freese’s YOB, natch), and is apparently determined to one-up his former boss Trent Reznor for the “Rockstar Adapting to a Changing Market in the Coolest Fucking Way Imaginable” award. Now, it’s entirely possible that Freese is just joshin’ around (sorry, couldn’t resist) – but even if he is, he’s funny as fuck. Here are the various price levels for purchasing Since 1972, and what Freese is (allegedly) offering for said price levels… I don’t even have to make any jokes here because Freese has done all the work for me:

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At least according to this, erm, “press conference” video for the set of recently announced Puscifer shows in Las Vegas.

The best thing about this video is the personification of the d-bag, frat boy Tool fan at 2:45. Nailed it, right down to the long-sleeve-under-a-short-sleeve T. You all know we love Tool ’round the MS Mansion, but that set of d-bag fans needs to go.

-VN

Finally… we have a capable, intelligent, forward-thinking new U.S. president. No, it’s not Dave Mustaine. Here’s what else happened this week:

• We wondered aloud and speculated about Slayer’s co-headline tour, New England Metal & Hardcore Fest, Scion Rock Fest (aka Atlanta Metalfest), and The Faceless’ headline tour. This spring just got awesome.
• We ran to the hills to avoid a shitty classic metal cover. Meanwhile, we found Iron Maiden in Iran and on the big screen.
• We got sexi(vious) with members of Cynic and Textures.
• We looked at new releases from Satyricon, Cattle Decapitation, 16 and Rumpelstiltskin Grinder.
• Maynard got all Jiu-Jitsu on our asses and Carcass played a wedding.

Axl, myself and our girlfriends (we have girlfriends… whowouldathunkit???) are going to see The Dark Knight on the IMAX tonight. Hopefully weed will be involved. Later, suckaz!!

It may be that the frontman for the best band on earth is opening an organic fruit market in addition to his already-established winery in his hometown of Cornville, Arizona. But don’t let those fruitish tendencies fool you; the diminutive Tool singer attended West Point and continues to practice Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. An unsuspecting fan who attempted to climb on stage during a Tool performance found out the hard way not to fuck with Maynard James Keenan. Watch the clip [via Revolver] below.

-VN

By and large I think that re-mix albums are a total waste of time; only once in a blue moon does anyone manage to come up with anything interesting (or, at least, more interesting than the original track), so they often seem like cash-ins in the vein of “expanded edition” re-releases.

So I am in no way optimistic that Maynard James Keenan has announced an April 29 release of V is for Viagra: The Vagina Remixes, a remix collection (duh) of the songs from V is for Vagina, last year’s Puscifer album. A lot of the participants on the release will be the usual suspect for this sort of Nine Inch Nails-ish affair – former NIN member Danny Lohner, Dave Ogilvie, Telefon Tel Aviv’s Josh Eustis, etc. – but, oddly enough, Slipknot drummer Joey Jordison will also have a track, as will Aaron Turner from Isis and the infamous ambient force known as Lustmord. Which is actually very encouraging.

In any case, I guess we’ll get to find out if this particular release can rise above the usual remix shenanigans next month.

-AR

I’ve made it clear before that I’m excited about Ashes Divide, the new Maynard-free project from A Perfect Circle mastermind Billy Howerdel; now that I’ve heard “The Stone,” the first single from their forthcoming debut Keep Telling Myself It’s All Right, my curiosity has peaked.

The song basically sounds like APC with Howerdel on vocals – which isn’t that much of a surprise, given that Howerdel wrote and recorded most of APC’s music, and that APC skinsman Josh Freese is handling drum duties (Maynard’s eleven year old offspring, Devo – I imagine he’s named after one of the approximately 2,436,758 bands with which Freese has played in the past – will play cello on the album).  And that’s just fine with me, ’cause, well, I really liked APC.

Keep will come out in March; in the meantime, if you’ve yet to hear “The Stone,” check it out on Ashes Divide’s MySpace page.

-AR

I don’t know what the consensus is on A Perfect Circle these days, now that they’ve been gone a few years; personally, I loved them (okay, maybe not eMotion, but definitely their first two albums). Were they as good as Tool? Of course not (who is, really?). But they were fuckin’ great, and the two times I got to catch them live, they killed.

So I’m glad to hear that APC mastermind Billy Howerdel has a new solo project, Ashes Divide, and that they’ve signed to Island Records, who will release their debut album sometime in March. Howerdel, you may recall, was once a guitar tech to the stars (he’d done work for Nine Inch Nails, Smashing Pumpkins, Tool, of course, and was working on GN’R's Chinese Democracy right before APC took off) who practically won the lottery when Maynard James Keenan heard some of his demos and decided to front his band.

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Gotta love the Internet; here’s a video, shot YESTERDAY, of a girl walking into a tattoo shop and getting the “V is for Vagina” logo — from Tool frontman Maynard James Keenan’s recent Puscifer side-project release — tattooed on her vagina! I mean tattoos are cool and all… but how is she going to explain this one to her kids?? At least it’ll help them learn their ABC’s from day one. [Thanks to MetalSucks tipster Michelle for the link.]

-VN

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So there’s this thing on MySpace interview show now called Artist on Artist. If you can’t figure out what it is – well, get to a doctor, because you can probably be declared a legal ree-ree and get a handicapped sticker for your car or something.

ANYWAY, we’ve gotten press releases about these interviews in the past, and usually we don’t really find them worthwhile – personally, I couldn’t think of any possible celebrity combination more full of shit than Michael Moore and Tom Morello… until they got Chester Bennington to interview Nikki Sixx. Yeah, I’m sure those two had lots of interesting, totally non-self-involved things to say.

But now they’ve got an interivew with Maynard and Patton Oswalt, and that gets me pretty excited. Oswalt is, for better or worse, probably best known as the rat in that last Pixar flick – but he’s really a truly brilliant stand-up, who has a great routine about how “If you listened to metal in the 80′s, then you’re gay.” Which is probably true.

But I digress. Here’s Oswalt’s interview with Maynard… enjoy!

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-AR