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Metalacolypse director Jon Schnepp helmed Forbidden’s new video, “Omega Wave,” and while I have no idea what Mr. Schnepp’s intention was for the clip, if it was to make something that would be simultaneously familiar (and therefore not threatening) to metal fans AND be really good to watch while high, well, mission accomplished!
“Omega Wave” is the title track from Forbidden’s latest, which is out now on Nuclear Blast.
-AR
Congrats to reader David Toohey, who correctly identified last week’s logo as belonging to the band Beatus. David wins a signed copy of Mosh Potatoes: Recipes, Anecdotes, and Mayhem from the Heavyweights of Heavy Metal, the incredible new metal-themed cookbook from Moth Eater bassist Steve Seabury. Congrats, David!
This week we have another awesome prize to give away: two (2) copies of Metalocalypse season 3 on DVD, and one (1) copy on Blu-Ray. This shit needs no introduction. It’s Metalocalypse, one of the best shows on television and one of the greatest feats of cinemetal in history. You know you want this!!! So get crack-a-lack-a-lackin’ on figuring out this week’s logo.
All you gots to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail at axl AT metalsucks DOT net with your answer, your name, and your address. ALL ENTRIES WITHOUT AN ADDRESS WILL BE DISQUALIFIED. Also, PLEASE BE SURE TO SPECIFY IN YOUR E-MAIL IF YOU WANT A DVD COPY OR A BLU-RAY COPY SHOULD YOU WIN, as we obviously don’t have enough Blu-Rays to go around. From everyone who gets it right, we’ll randomly select three winners announce his or her name next week.
This week’s logo was suggested by reader Eamon Scarbrough, and it’s a doozy…
-AR
So I know it’s unusual for us to post at 1 a.m., but I just got done watching the long-overdue return of Metalocalypse, and presumably a lot of you just got done watching it, too, so we might as well get talkin’ about it while our thoughts are still fresh.
Personally… I loved it. The show hasn’t lost any of its satirical punch (the Facebones sexual harassment video should be shown in every office in the world), the writers continue to prove that they can sustain a story for the extended format, there was an abundance of quotable lines (My personal favorite: “Don’t forget, keep the fifteenth open so you can deposit your sperm into my vagina with your penis.”), and, oh yeah, Kirk Hammett utilizing decades of personal research to cameo as a dong.
Awesome. Totally awesome.
And the teaser for next week promises a skewering of rap metal bands. I can’t even tell you how excited I am for that.
Alright. Weigh in with your thoughts on the episode below. Hopefully you were all as satisfied as I was.
-AR
Holy shit, I have no idea how I’m just finding out about this, but apparently the new season of Metalocalypse begins this Sunday, September 26, at 12:30 a.m. on Adult Swim. It feels like it’s been forever since we got new episodes, doesn’t it?
We don’t have much info in the way of guest appearances or whatever, but here’s a quick plot summary of the episode:
“Toki swears off rock and roll sluts to find a REAL relationship. Meanwhile, Murderface bets everything that he can sleep with more women than Skwisgaar, consequently landing himself in a sexual harassment seminar. Can Toki beat his new lady mate’s biological clock?”
Sounds good to me! To get you in the mood, here’s an Ode to Murderface:
And Monday morning we can all hover around the proverbial water cooler and discuss.
-AR
So in case the animation style didn’t immediately tip you off, Metalocalypse co-creator Brendon Small directed the video for “Black Rain,” the new old Soundgarden song that was recorded during the Badmotorfinger sessions and has nothing to do with the painfully mediocre Ozzy album of the same title.
Thing is, the video features a cameo (actually multiple cameos) by Dethklok and Charles Foster Offdensen, that “band”‘s manager/lawyer/CFO. And while that’s a good way to lure in young ‘uns who maybe love Dethklok but don’t remember Soundgarden, it strikes me as being wildly out-of-place — I mean, I don’t think the Dethklok dudes would be Soundgarden fans. Even if they found the music br00tal enough (which I don’t think they would), I imagine that Chris Cornell’s consistently, uh, questionable artistic decisions would be enough to warrant extreme violence from Nathan Explosion and the gang.
Yep. I’m speculating on the feelings and aesthetic criticisms of a cartoon band. Just another day here at MetalSucks.
ANYWAY, potential character inconsistencies aside, this video is pretty cool. Check it out below, then let us know if you think Dethklok would dig Soundgarden or not in the comments section.
“Black Rain” will appear on Soundgarden’s new greatest hits collection, Telephantasm, which comes out September 28.
-AR
I think Exodus are just swell. And Jon Schnepp, who directed this video, also directs Metalocalypse, and had a lot to do with the design of that terrific show.
So I’m giving everyone a free pass. I’m not gonna make fun of the video. The song is great and if some of you watch this and check out Exodus’ Exhibit B: The Human Condition as a result, well, that would be great. And then maybe next time, Exodus, you release anything that isn’t this as a video, okay? Deal?
Exhibit B: The Human Condition is out now on Nuclear Blast.
-AR
WARNING: Bobbi sent us a new portrait of herself to use this month, and while we’re very excited about the picture (in more ways than one), it is very much NSFW, so we’ve had to put it after the jump. Enjoy, you horn dogs.
Nathan Explosion, the always ironic, always self-parodying, and always cool animated front man of Dethklok, once resolved to make the most metal coffee the world would ever see. What would make it metal? By making it blacker than the blackest black, times infinity.
In the same way, I am looking to make porn metal by making it harder than the hardest hardcore, times infinity. Admittedly, it’s a much easier job than making coffee metal, since porn easily fits into one — or two, depending on the performer we’re talking about — of the holy triumvirate pantheon of sex, drugs and rock n’ roll. (Though if you’re a Mormon, coffee would be a drug, and therefore metal. But being a Mormon would not be metal, so the two would cancel each other out. Therefore you’d have to do nasty, filthy porn like Belladonna to be metal. but I digress.)
In fact, AVN, the trade magazine of the porn industry, was eagerly anticipating the crossover of rock and porn for most of the ’90s, like a crazed Christian fundamentalist convinced that Jesus was due back any day now. This anticipation was replaced in the 2000s by the crossover of rap and porn that was going to happen any day, which, strangely enough, also did not happen. (My publicist is eagerly awaiting the inevitable madrigal/porn crossover that will happen this decade. Hey nonny nonny, indeed.)
It’s been so long since Konami announced Metalocalypse: Dethgame that I’d completely forgotten about it. The title was supposed to be released last fall as a downloadable game via the XBOX Live Arcade and Playstation Network stores, but now we’re quickly barreling towards this fall (scary) and we haven’t heard any updates.
Well, guess why? From IncGamers:
Remember the third season of Metalocalypse? ‘Cause I barely do. Not that I don’t love the show — it just feels like it aired so goddamn long ago. What happened? How many episodes were there? I remember they got longer, but… that’s about it. Sheesh.
Luckily, I can soon refresh my memory: Noisecreep tells me that the third season is coming to DVD and Blu-Ray — the latter being a first for the program — on November 2. In addition to looking purdier on Blu-Ray, that version of the disc will come with some extra extra features, including “Nathan Explosion reading from William Shakespeare’s Othello and five music videos that were featured on Dethklok’s last tour.” Holy shit, that sounds like fun. Do you think Nathan plays Iago? I would actually put on my Sunday best and go to a theater on Broadway and pay real money to see Nathan Explosion as Iago. [deep, growly Nathan Explosion voice] “I am, uh, not what I am.” I’m suddenly SO HAPPY I made the switch Blu-Ray (the dying format of physical media be damned!), I can’t even tell you.
And then hopefully at some point in the near future we’ll get more Metalocalypse episodes at a consistent enough rate that I won’t completely forget what happened.
-AR
Who the hell is that lady behind Brendon Small and why is she undressing me with her eyes?
Amongst the many fashionable celebs* our platonic life partners at Metal Injection interviewed on the Revolver Golden Gods Awards blarpet was Metalocalypse co-creator/general Dethklok mastermind Brendon Small. Mostly they make pretty typical pre-award show small talk (Small talk?), but Brendon does reveal that he’s working on a solo album. Only, it’s not really a solo album. Or any different from Dethklok. To wit, Mr. Small reveals the following:
I’m really, really disappointed in you, male MetalSucksians. After reader Ashley sent in some epic photos of herself in a MetalSucks hoodie and not very much else, I predicted we’d get an identical pic from a wise-ass dude by the end of the week. Nope. Either no one thought of it, or no one had the balls to do it. For shame. And now what are the three ladies who actually read this site to look at? Pics of Lars Ulrich’s dick?
Oh well. Here are some other things that happened this week:
And next week I expect you, our beloved readers, to be back up to your usual level of witty repartee.
-AR
Season 1, Episode 1 “The Curse of Dethklok”
In what will be a continuing feature of this column, I am going to watch episodes of Metalocalypse and analyze any of the issues that come up. Some episodes have more issues than others, so I might not get through all of the issues in an episode in a given post. Really, I just want to be able to say that watching Metalocalypse is productive work for me.
In the first episode, Dethklok requires that fans sign “pain waivers” to release the band from liability at the Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle Batsfjord MassacreFest. Obviously thinking ahead of what can and will happen at their shows, it seems like a good plan for Dethklok, as the show results in fans being crushed, burned, dissolved, or otherwise maimed or killed. But could a waiver really allow Dethklok to escape liability for the deaths of hundreds of fans?
Click to read more…
Then why not piss it away on a pissing fountain? I’m guessing not many Dethklok fans have $40,000 of discretionary income, but if you happen to be so fortunate/stupid you can spend it on a perfect replica of the fountain that decorates the nightmarish foyer of Dethklok’s luxurious and deadly estate. The fountain is made of marble, measures approximately 66″ in height with a 96″ basin diameter and is made to order. The $40,000 price tag does not include shipping (U.S. and Caribbean only) and requires a $13,000 deposit to weed out the jokers. The ad boasts “Seriously, this is real.” And seriously… this is real.
I love how the creators of Metalocalypse have created their own self-fulfilling prophecy of Dethklok being the biggest band in the world. What other band can sell ANY piece of merch for $40,000? Let alone a fake band and an item that isn’t even autographed or cummed on? Unbelievable / awesome.
If you’re one of the suckers lucky chaps who can buy one of these, kindly tell them MetalSucks sent you so we can get a sweet commission!
-VN
Or so reader Edgar Garcia tells us; I’ve never heard of this animated show myself, but needless to say, Edgar’s e-mail got my attention. So I checked it out, annnnndddd…
It doesn’t seem nearly as good as Dethklok. I mean, even if I had a better understanding of the show, the music just doesn’t strike me as being as catchy (Although any “band” with a song called “Fuckingham Palace” can’t be all bad, right?). Also, it’s very Japanese, which is to say, it’s kinda weird and very funny, but I can’t tell if they’re being deliberately humorous, or I’m just a racist, or a little bit of both. For the sake of my liberal guilt, let’s say it’s a little bit of both.
Anyways, here’s the intro for Detroit Metal City, which pales in comparison to that of Metalocalypse but is worth a look, I suppose:
Check out a clip after the jump, which confirms, at least in my mind, that either something is being lost in translation, or this show just isn’t as funny as Metalocalypse.
There are two kinds of people who watch cartoons:
And I don’t think either one would be interested in a Def Leppard cartoon series that depicts “the five members of the group in a fictional, adventurous setting.” But that’s not going to stop the band from pitching one to the networks.
Let’s break down why this is a terrible idea.
When we interviewed Metalocalypse creator / Dethklok frontman Brendon Small on behalf of our readers last month, he told us that members of Mastodon, members of In Flames, Joe Satriani, Steve Vai, Slash and others would all be doing voice-over work on the coming season of Metalocalypse. This alone gives reason to be excited about the new season if for some reason you wouldn’t be psyched about it anyway. Now we’ve finally got a sneak peak of one of the episodes, sent in by MS reader Christopher Silverio… and, no surprise, it’s funny. Season 3 begins November 8th!
-VN
So of course I’m loving Slayer’s latest, World Painted Blood. But I won’t be eating a bag of crow over my prediction that the accompanying bonus DVD, “Playing with Dolls,” was going to suck. I’ve seen it now (well, some of it – I couldn’t make it all the way through out of sheer boredom), and despite the involvement of Metalocalypse director Mark Brooks, it is, indeed, lamer than Jason Suecof’s legs.
Are the people who made this aware that in 2009 we can give the illusion of actual movement through pictures that pass by at a fairly quick rate – say, twenty-four frames per second? I have to assume that this news someone never reached them – or that they thought this whole “video-graphic novel” style would somehow make the whole thing spookier. In which they were just wrong. Also, I don’t know if the music from World Painted Blood could have been any more awkwardly shoe-horned into this thing.
Watch it below, if the two previous paragraphs didn’t deter you. It was only s’posed to be on MySpace for a weekend, but of course someone got it up on YouTube – so check it out right quick, before the Slawyers get involved.
Part two is after the jump. And then tomorrow I’ll have my review of World Painted Blood.
I haven’t gotten to write a review of Brutal Legend yet because, well, I just haven’t had time to play all the way through the game, and it seems like writing a review of half a game or whatever isn’t fair. But I’ve enjoyed what I’ve played so far.
And it seems like the game owes a debt to Metalocalypse. Besides some similarities in general tone, style of humor, and a love of violence, there’s the fact that Legend takes place in a magical, faraway land where everything is related to metal and everything looks more or less like it belongs in Mordhaus. Obviously Metalocalypse already owes a debt to metal imagery as old as Sabbath itself, but… there’s definitely a connection between Dethklok and Brutal Legend.
So kudos to the fan who made the below video. At some point it might get yanked for copyright infringement, so enjoy it while you can… I have to say, it seems pretty impressive for something fan-made. And wouldn’t be awesome if there really WAS a Dethklok/Eddie Riggs crossover?
Major props to Christopher Silverio for sending this in… thanks, dude!
-AR
Pretty big week here at the MetalSucks Mansion. We laughed, we cried, we fired someone, we rocked out with our cocks out. Here’s a rundown of the highlights:
Alright. I’m going to see Where the Wild Things Are now. I’m fairly certain that it is going to make me weep like Gary Suarez. See ya Monday.
-AR
I’d love it if some kind of behind-the-scenes DVD came with Slayer’s forthcoming World Painted Blood, but I guess I’ll have to settle for this.
The legendary thrashers’ attempt to get people to buy physical copies of their album – in case the four album covers wasn’t enough – is going to be a twenty minute DVD entitled Playing with Dolls, “a 12-episode video-graphic novel” from Metalocalypse director Mark Brooks. Inspired by the Jeff Hanneman-penned track of the same name, a press release tells us that “the film blends elements of animation and still-photography into a visual style similar to that of a graphic novel.”
Based on that description and the below trailer, that makes me think this is going to be akin to that lame Watchmen “motion comic” that came out earlier this year, which is to say, I have very little interest in watching this, huge Slayer fan though I may be. Luckily all signs point to the actual record being awesome, so I don’t feel too concerned about some bonus DVD.
World Painted Blood comes out November 3.
-AR
