MetalSucks

I love Blabbermouth cuz it rules and it’s easier than actually going through my inbox and the bajillion press releases therein. Not only is it informative, but my stars, the entertainment value as well! Taunting sub-retards in the comments section is a Wednesday well-spent. Or if you’re the studious type, try to count how many headlines contain the words “Mustaine” and “forgive” and “David Ellefson.” Oh speaking of headlines, I think we all have played “The Blabbermouth Headline Game,” where you cycle through that little teaser box and marvel at its hilarious delusional bullshit. Let’s see, there’s usually a “Fanless Band Schedules Reunion Show” and a “Win Passes To Guns N’ Roses Guitarist Book Signing.” Those are beauties.

Then you’ve got the deceptively funny stuff, like“Band Wants to ‘Return To Our Roots’ On Sophomore Album“ or “MACHINEHEAD Frontman: ‘Our New Record Is Literally Gonna Rip Your Head Off and Shit In Your Mouth’.”

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All this talk about Slash’s upcoming solo album has got me playing “Fantasy Velvet Revolver” in my head once again. Though I still hold out hope that Axl’s idea of having Perry Farrell front the band comes to fruition, I know in my heart that there’s probably a better chance of Scott Weiland rejoining the band, which is admittedly a pretty remote possibility. Remote like Siberia.

So looking through the list of vocalists purportedly gracing the axeman’s new record, I see a number of qualified albeit unlikely candidates to fill Weiland’s still-vacant spot. Yeah, it would be a heavy music lover’s dream to have Ozzy Osbourne sing for the band, considering the craptastic nature of his last few solo albums. Realistically, that would be an unholy managerial nightmare with the potential capacity to yield a catastrophic clusterfuck to put the legal woes of Black Sabbath and Guns N’ Roses to shame. Dave Grohl’s too busy counting his money and playing geriatric rock with his idols to commit to yet another band. These days, Alice Cooper and Lemmy Kilmister have the commercial drawing power of, well, Alice Cooper and Lemmy Kilmister, and maybe would shift a few more units than a Velvet Revolver fronted by an unknown (anyone remember Eric Dover or Rod Jackson?) or that dude from Spacehog. Don’t even get me started on Fergie.

One other name on that list, however, actually makes sense…

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Scott Weiland’s been out of Velvet Revolver for quite some time now, and there’s still no word on their search for a new singer. I had assumed that they hadn’t announced anyone because they just couldn’t find someone famous enough. I mean, let’s be real – they’re not gonna hire some unknown. If they did, they’d fail to be a supergroup – they’s just be Slash’s Snakepit III. As it stands, Slash doesn’t know Dave Kushner’s name (he repeatedly identifies his co-guitarist as “Dave Kirshner” in his autobiography), and he’s known Kushner since they were kids; what the fuck would he do with an unknown singer?

I guess there must be some other issue, though – ’cause Corey Taylor, front man for Slipknot and Stone Sour, recently revealed that he tried out for the spot:

“I had a meeting with those guys, we did some demos together, and it just didn’t work — for whatever reason… It was just really cool. It was one of those things where it’s like I could have got to jam with legends, man, in my opinion. But, you know, it was cool, and I still know those guys, I still hang out with them, and I still have nothing but respect.”

So I gotta wonder why this didn’t work out. Taylor’s voice is comparable to Weiland’s, he’s well-known, he’d probably bring in some young kids who might otherwise not give a shit about Guns Without Rose, and he’s a very charismatic and entertaining band leader. So did his personality just not gel with that of the dudes in VR? Were they worried that with two other bands, he was already over-committed? Did Roadrunner (the label that distributes both Slipknot and Stone Sour) put the kibosh on the whole thing, as they allegedly did when Taylor almost replaced John Bush in Anthrax? We might never know, but I find the whole thing pretty curious.

Weigh in with your thoughts on Taylor as the new Axl Weiland below. And while you’re pontificating, enjoy this bootleg video of Taylor performing “It’s So Easy” with Slash. It might be the closest we ever get to seeing  a Taylor-fronted VR.

-AR

Now skip to the 3:54 mark to get Mr. Weiland’s thoughts:

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Yes, that is John Locke on that poster. No, he will not be in the remake, too. He fired his agents and now he has nothing to show for it. Sorry.

Generally speaking, I like Filter very much. And I have a lot of respect for Richard Patrick. I thought that Army of Anyone was awesome. And that dude can really belt it live.

But Filter’s cover “Happy Together” by The Turtles is so bad, only Within Temptation fans could ever possibly enjoy it. (Although, in all fairness, it’s from the soundtrack for the remake of The Stepfather. So at least its pedigree wasn’t misleading.)

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If Velvet Revolver’s second album, Libertad, had a bed, it shat all over it. The sales would have been considered top-notch for your average metal band, but for mega super duper rockstars likes Guns Without Rose, it was bad enough for their major label to promptly drop them.

There’s a few reasons this might have occurred. Personally, I think that VR’s debut, Contraband, was good but not great, and I think once the curiosity factor (with regards to a supergroup) had passed, the band was kind of doomed. Being a major success means doing crossover business (e.g., attracting people beyond the hardcore fanbase that would’ve bought the album even if it was by Slash’s Snakepit 3), and I know a lot of people who bought Contraband, went “meh,” and then never bothered to check out Libertad.

But even if we assume that Contraband really was Appetite’s second coming, the band released a shit first single that impressed absolutely no one. And I seem to be the only person in the world who actually thought that Libertad was superior to Contraband. So it’s possible that being creatively lackluster is why the album undersold.

Keeping all of this in mind, here’s Matt Sorum basically saying that Libertad sucked, and that it’s all Scott Weiland’s fault:

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By now, y’all are more than aware that Chris Cornell has been recording with hip-hop producer Timbaland. The consensus around the blogosphere has been that this is going to be a fiery trainwreck of Mariah Carey Glitter proportions. Now, throwing fuel on the burning upholstery, Cornell solo concerts to promote Scream (as in, what you’ll probably do when you eventually hear this album) have been announced. I know I should just go hide in my secret underground bunker with my special lady and repopulate society until this whole thing blows over – but I think I actually want to see this disaster LIVE!

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Dude. Did anyone else know that Scott Weiland has a new solo album coming out two days after the release of Chinese Democracy? What the fuck? I wonder what it’s like to be Slash this week. Seriously. Is he pissed off that these two assholes get to live? Scared of the success they might achieve without him? Does he even know the albums are coming out, or is too busy having tea with Ozzy? Does SCOTT even know that Scott’s album is coming out??? The mind boggles.

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We love Machine Head and we love Iron Maiden, so naturally Machine Head covering Iron Maiden would be a good thing, right? Yes indeed. The track comes from the Maiden Heaven compilation released by Kerrang in July, which also features loads of other cool bands covering Maiden. The below video is included on The Blackening bonus edition which comes out today.

The new Weiland video comes from Happy in Galoshes, his 2nd solo record, due November 25th. I actually rather like Weiland’s solo work — 12 Bar Blues, released 10 years ago, was an exercise in completely drugged-out nonsensicalness on the level of John Frusciante’s in-between-stints-in-RHCP solo work. This song is alright; it’s definitely different from STP, and WAY different from Velvet Revolver, but it’s decidedly more focused than his first record.

Watch the vids after the jump.

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No booze at a Motley fucking Crue show? Jesus fucking Christ. That must be like having sex with a condom made of nails.

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When Axl and I went to see the reunited Stone Temple Pilots in New Jersey a couple of months ago, it was nothing short of very disappointing. A wasted Weiland stumbled around the stage all night, mumbled incoherent between-song banter, flubbed lyrics, and generally looked like a mess. The performance was completely lackluster, and Weiland was nothing like the charismatic rock n’ roll frontman he was as recently as last summer with Velvet Revolver. Apparently two months’ time hasn’t changed very much for Weiland, as fan-filmed footage (below) shot in Phoenix last week showcases another embarrassing, drunken mishap.

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I just wanna be clear, right off the bat, that this is just me playing “What If?” I’m not breaking a story, I don’t have a source, it’s Monday, it’s a slow news day, and I just got to thinking. I don’t want this to be like the time that I said it might be cool if Whitfield Crane joined Anthrax and then some putz put it on Wikipedia and asked Crane about it in an interview, and asked as though it were a bona fide fact or even a real “rumor.” THIS IS JUST ME HAVING FUN.

Here’s the reasoning behind my total b.s. speculation:

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Blabbermouth (via Entertainment Weekly) reports that Spacehog vocalist/former resident of Liv Tyler’s vagina Royston Langdon (I feel like that name should be followed by the words “The Third”) is in the running to take Scott “I’m So Strung Out I Can’t Even Take My Coat Off Like a Big Boy” Weiland’s place as the new front man for Velvet Revolver.

In terms of brilliance, this is idea strikes me as being somewhere in between hiring Tripp Eisen to host your daughter’s bat mitzvah and fucking Tommy Lee without a condom, but, hey, everything $lash does is awesome, so there’s no need to worry… right?

Here’s a truly horrendous rendition of the GN’R classic “It’s So Easy” with Langdon on vocals and $lash on guitar:

-AR

Amongst the more surreal moments of the Stone Temple Pilots’ show at the PNC Bank Arts Center this past Sunday – and there were many – was the band breaking into an extended jam of The O’Jays’ “For the Love of Money” just prior to final encore “Dead and Bloated.” The moment was chock full of inadvertent gallows humor for two reasons:

1. It’s fairly clear that at some point in the past few months the DeLeo Brothers and Eric Kretz all got together and said “Fuck it, let’s just try to make as much money as possible before Weiland dies.”
2. “Dead and Bloated” is exactly the state in which someone unlucky will discover Weiland by the end of 2008.

Put more simply, Weiland – and STP – gave an unprofessional, sloppy, disorganized, sad, pathetic and embarrassing performance on Saturday night, seemingly fueled by little more than commerce and Weiland’s junk habit.

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TMZ is reporting that STP-frontman Scott Weiland served a whopping 13 minutes of an 8-day sentence resulting from a drunk driving arrest this past fall.

Is there no fucking justice in the world?? Forget whatever pre-conceptions you may have about Weiland, his bands, or his struggles with drug addiction (I happen to be a Weiland sympathizer). But for anyone to serve 13 minutes of an 8-day sentence is fucked. For anyone to receive an 8-day sentence for something people usually get a full year for is fucked. For a man convicted of a second DUI to get off scot-free with a $2,000 fine and some alcohol counseling is severely fucked. That people arrested for possessing a small amount of harmless pot get it way worse than someone who was actively endangering the lives of others is fucked beyond all recognition.

This just proves that rich run this country, make all the rules, and can get away with anything they want. Rich peoples’ rules, people, rich peoples’ rules. Our legal system is fucked beyond belief and completely at the whim of dollar signs.

-VN

Y’know, considering the fact that every time we post some GN’R-related news at least one you tells us we talk about GN’R too much, I sure did get a lot of e-mails over the weekend from fans concerned that guitarist Robin Finck may be leaving the band.

So let’s get this out of the way quickly: yes, the above photo of Robin, appearing more goth-friendly than the hippy-dippy look he sported on the last Guns tour, did appear on Friday on the Nine Inch Nails official website with the caption “Welcome back!” Yes, that means he’s going to do another tour with NIN. Now, what does that mean with regards to his future with GN’R? Honestly, I have no fucking idea, and I imagine no one who’s not Finck, Trent Reznor or Axl Rose does, either.

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From the always astute pop-culture critics at Idolator:

Weiland, the estranged singer of Velvet Revolver, has teamed up with members of Army Of Anyone and Bomb Shelter Studios owner Eric Kretz for a tour that will hit more than 50 amphitheaters this summer and fall.

Brilliant. In other news, members of The Haunted, Disfear and Cradle of Filth will be teaming up for a massive world tour this summer. Let’s just pray and hope that film director Fred Durst doesn’t decide to collaborate with Fear and the Nervous System’s Wes Borland for anything… ever.

-VN

FUCK SCOTT WEILAND. I’m glad you’ve been able to get this far based on your limited vocal range and ability to mimic the same style of on-stage dancing that Bowie and Iggy Pop were doing thirty years ago, but seriously, stop trying to compete with Axl Rose for the “Biggest Asshole” award – Axl will beat your ass every time. Calling Slash by his real name in a press release does not make you clever. Claiming the name “Velvet Revolver” was your idea does not make you cool. You’ve always had to suck off the musical talent teat of others, and every time I think about the fact that Layne Staley couldn’t get it together while you go on and on and on I die a little inside. I hope the DeLeo brothers stab you in the eyes with your fucking needles. And fuck your wife Mary, too.

FUCK ROBB FLYNN. I’m a huge Machine Head fan, but telling people that you “once punched some kid in the face for saying that Gary Holt sucked” is moronic. Metal is supposed to be about blowing off steam in a healthy way so as to avoid actual neanderthal behavior. There are plenty of legitimate reasons to fight in this world, but someone insulting the fucking guitar player from Exodus is not one of them. Put more simply: You either a) actually did punch some dude for talking shit about Holt and are therefore a bona fide moron or b) are lying about punching some dude for talking shit about Holt and are therefore a bona fide moron. Also, every Machine Head album in-between Burn My Eyes and Through the Ashes of Empires was a cock sucking trend chasing waste of time. Deal with it.

FUCK MARIA BRINK. Someone told me that if you see her up close she’s not actually hot, but after looking closely at some candid photos (like this one), I realized you don’t really have to be very close to her all to see that she looks like a fucking rodent. Has this bitch had too much plastic surgery (excuse me, “work done”), or does she really just look  like my morning crap? Also, did you know that she sells hand drawn pictures and poems on her MySpace page (I won’t link to it, go find it if you’re so fucking interested)? I haven’t read the poems but the pictures look like they were drawn by a retarded five year old. Stop wearing that stupid blue dress and trying to exploit your non-existent looks to cover up for your lack of talent. I hope Christina Scabbia kicks you in the twat.

Fuck me for writing this, and fuck you for reading it. I’m gonna go kill a fucking bunny that made fun of Alex Skolnick.

-AR

Over the weekend Slash hinted that Velvet Revolver may continue with a new singer, and this morning it was announced that Stone Temple Pilots are going to do a full summer tour; but the fact that Weiland is leaving the group isn’t news.

What IS news is that VR are in final negotiations with one Mr. Samuel Hagar, Esq., to take over Weiland’s spot in the band. The plan, apparently, is to record a new album ASAP and then begin to tour behind it as early as this fall.

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It’s been quite a shit-storm in the media lately for Velvet Revolver. First Scott Weiland declared on-stage during a show that “You’re watching something special… the last tour by Velvet Revolver,” catching his band-mates off-guard. Matt Sorum then took a thinly-veiled swipe at Weiland, Weiland retorted, and Slash came back with his usual, “let’s all just play rock n’ roll, dude!” rhetoric.

It would seem that a breakup is inevitable whatwith all this crap and the Stone Temple Pilot’s reunion, though Slash insists he’s looking forward to the next record. So whose fault is it?