Editorials

BEST… REVIEW… EVER!

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The following review of Hellyeah’s debut album appears in Decibel’s May 2007 issue, courtesy Decibot:

“Decibot spent all day looking at a map of the Florida peninsula on Google Earth before realizing that it was just a slightly enlarged picture of Vinnie Paul’s dieburns. Why, that is genius! Who needs confederate tattoos when you can express your Southern heritage with your facial hair? Some pitiful humans who will be interested enough in what happens when Big Vin spits tobacco juice all over his brother’s legacy to read beyond this sentence: Soldiers of Fortune subscribers; Jeb Bush’s constituency; peoplewho resent Priestess for being Canadian; fans of Bill Engval and Larry the Cable Guy… But Decibot has limited space each month to devote to train wrecks, so there’s no time to worry about the funny little pills handing out at the Senior Center.

“Decibot would like to warn all consumers on either side of the Mason/Dixon that HELLYEAH sounds even less like Pantera than Rebel Meets Rebel. It’s more like Rebel meets four idiots from Nothingface and Mudvayne, all dressed in ‘cowboy’ disguises fished out of Carrot Top’s prop trunk. Decibot has listened to enough Snot, Saliva, and Soil to understand that HELLYEAH have a slight leg up in the race to become the world’s preeminent Alice in Chains cover band – Decibot’s the fool, shamed by the truth, on the group’s big rig tribute ‘Alcoholin’ Ass.’ Big Vin and the rest spend way too much time exposing their butt cracks here, but there’s still plenty of room for strategic marketing: The band’s name pulls duty as the album title and the single and the quintet’s favorite mid-song exclamation. Decibot’s not too big on idiomatic expressions of multi-purposing, though: THISSUCKS would take up the same amount of room but say so much more.”

Decibot is a smart motherfucker.

-AR

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