Board to Death


  • Axl Rosenberg

linkin-park-logo.jpgIt’s time for another great edition of “Board to Death,” in which we examine – and by “examine,” I mean “poke fun at” – what obsessive fans are saying on various band message boards. This week, we get a glimpse into the minds of Linkin Park fans.

Over at the Linkin Park message board, a fan known to the world simply as “DK” has started a thread entitled “Linkin Park Haters.”

“Do they really annoy you?” DK asks his fellow Linkin Parkers. “They easily do to me since they keep saying the same stereotype of Linkin Park: Teenager band, boy band etc..” DK – obviously a Professor of Grammar in his or her non-message board life – responds to these critiques: “LP is easily not the crapiest band..Hybrid Theroy, Meteora were classic albums: lyrically, musically and creativity. LP does not represents teenage crap or w/e, they also got adult fans too. Also how can Linkin Park be crappy if they got Mike Shinoda, one of the rappers that’ll easily knock out 95% rappers in the Hip-Hop mainstream. Hypothetically, you don’t know music and LP’s songs has a lot of introspection. Is there any real reasons why LP haters hate LP so much? Overrated?”

Alright… I can’t make fun of DK. Not because I don’t want to, just because I can’t understand what the fuck he or she thinks he or she is saying.

Anyways – onwards!

“More than half of the boards are 16+ years old,” nicolehayley replies, the irony of her posting on a message board obviously not at all lost on her. “I think those people are just jealous because the bands they like aren’t as good as LP BOARD TO DEATH: Linkin Park” That’s true, nicolehayley! Also, all the other girls at school just tease you because they’re jealous that you’re so much prettier than they are!

heyosnow continues the thread: “they must listen rihanna and avril lavigne and maroon 5 things for empty minds listen.” Yes, indeed, heyosnow. They must listen to things for empty minds listen.

LinkinPete (clever handle, LinkinPete!) goes on: “it´s sad that most(if not all) of these LP haters have never heared an LP song, or just heared let´s say one song and don´t understand the variety of LP´s music.. that´s one thing, LP songs are so different..” I’m sure LinkinPete is right. If we all just listened to LP, we’d understand the variety of their music for empty minds listen. In any case, LinkinPete finally admits: “I listened to Maroon5..BOARD TO DEATH: Linkin Park.” Oh, LinkinPete, you devil, you!

Lozza calls for peace and understanding amongst non-LP fans: “I mean I understand that people have different music tastes and some people may love/hate different bands… if you don’t like a band and good for you, but you don;t need to be going doing/saying stuff like that. It maks you look like an over-powering, controlling wanker who thinks that everyone should love/hate the stuff that they love/hate.” Lozza than illustrates his or her own tolerance with a little cartoon that shows the lynching of someone who doesn’t like Linkin Park. Way to prove your point, Lozza.

Finally, lproxn concludes the thread with these Yoda-like words of wisdom: “i think whoever hates lp is quiet dumb fuck them all !” You’re right, lproxn: they are quiet dumb. Not like you.


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