Oh Don Piano!


  • Axl Rosenberg

There’s a phrase that I’ve heard batted around a lot lately: “Oh, Don Piano!” Taken from a video of a cat appearing to be saying said phrase when, of course, the cat is just making weird noises, it has apparently come to denote, within the world of journalism, when a quote is read-into or over-interpreted to mean something greater than it actually does.

[kml_flashembed movie="http://youtube.com/v/ONxv3RnPCIs" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

As a prime example of Don Pianoism, I offer you the following recent Blabbermouth headline: “Will SLAYER’S Next Album Be Its Last?

Of course, this is quite an attention grabber – I certainly flipped my shit when I saw it. Until I read the actual interview with Slayer bassist/vocalist Tom Araya, who says:

“I don’t see it going any further than a certain point in time. We have one more record to do, which is our deal with [super producer Rick] Rubin, and we’ll have to sit down and discuss the future. But I can’t really see myself doing this at a later age.”

Now, what Araya is saying here is certainly interesting – we’ve never heard, say, James Hetfield admit that there may come a day when he’s just too old to play metal and not like look like a ree-ree – but Blabbermouth just kinda took the quote and ran with it, didn’t they? I mean, this is exactly how rumors get started – when all Araya said is that somewhere down the road the band is going to have to discuss their future. The words “the next album may be our last” are never uttered by Araya’s lips, and even to say that they’re implied is kind of a leap: discussing the future at the end of a record contract and declaring that the band’s next album could very well be their last are two different things. As a matter of fact, I’d wager that Araya’s band mates aren’t even aware that Araya made this comment, given the following Kerry King quote from last summer:

“There’s like an unwritten rule, especially in America, to where you reach a certain age and you can’t like Metal anymore… You’re supposed to grow up… I’m still 17. That’s probably why our music kicks so much ass, because we’re still kids.”

Now, those don’t sound like the words of a man with only one more Slayer album in him, do they? But, of course, the headline “Will SLAYER Sit Down and Discuss Their Future?” is much less interesting than the one that Blabbermouth ultimately chose. And, at the end of the day, that’s what Don Pianoism is all about: journalistic sensationalism. And it is, quite frankly, total bullshit.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go feed my talking cat.


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