DR. PEPPER SHOWS ITS SUPPORT FOR AXL ROSE; OR, THE STRANGEST NEWS WE HAVE EVER HAD TO REPORT
We’ve been hearing rumors that Axl Rose might follow in Radiohead and NIN’s footsteps and give away Chinese Democracy for free. But it now appears that Rose will top those artists with the ability to give away free sodas, as well.
Yes, you read that correctly. If Chinese Democracy comes out this year, we’ll get free sodas, too.
“Tired of a world in which Americans idolize wannabe singers and musicals about high schoolers pass as rock ‘n roll music, Dr Pepper is encouraging (ok, begging) Axl Rose to finally release his 17-year-in-the-making belabored masterpiece, Chinese Democracy, in 2008.
“In an unprecedented show of solidarity with Axl, everyone in America, except estranged GN’R guitarists Slash and Buckethead, will receive a free can of Dr Pepper if the album ships some time — anytime! — in 2008. Dr Pepper supports Axl, and fully understands that sometimes you have to make it through the jungle before you get it right.
“‘It took a little patience to perfect Dr Pepper’s special mix of 23 ingredients, which our fans have come to know and love,’ said Jaxie Alt, director of marketing for Dr Pepper. ‘So we completely understand and empathize with Axl’s quest for perfection — for something more than the average album. We know once it’s released, people will refer to it as ‘Dr Pepper for the ears’ because it will be such a refreshing blend of rich, bold sounds — an instant classic.’
“Show your support for Axl and get on the nightrain of encouragement here.”
Logistically, of course, getting everyone in America a free can of Dr. Pepper would be impossible, and I know at least one nice Jewish grandmother who would be totally confused by the whole ordeal (“A free can of Dr. Pepper? Because of something the orientals did? Wha?”). I can only assume Jaxie Alt cooked this up as some kind of free publicity device for her particular brand of soft drink.
Still, Axl should look at this as even more free publicity. Just think of it: Dr. Pepper ads featuring the new single from Chinese Democracy! A Dr. Pepper-sponsored tour! Free soda coupons with every album sold! The possibilities are endless.
And other companies are already following suit: we hear that Sprite will offer free sodas if the dudes from God Forbid get their DVD out this summer, Snapple will hand out free bottles if Van Halen do a tour with David Lee Roth and Michael Anthony, and Jolt Cola will actually go back into business and distribute 20 ounces on every street corner if Faith No More will reunite.
We now return to our regularly scheduled, slightly less ludicrous reporting of metal news from around the globe.