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SHOCK OF SHOCKS: GLEN BENTON HATES BRET MICHAELS

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Long time readers of this site should be fully aware that I was addicted to the initial season of Rock of Love, VH1’s completely fucktarded reality show in which Poison singer/wig wearer Bret Michaels basically moved into a mansion with a large amount of not especially attractive (or smart or personable or nice or any other quality one generally looks for in other human beings) sluts and makes them all do ridiculous things to determine which one is his one true love (And by “one true love,” I mean… I don’t know what I mean. It seems like Michaels fucks all the girls anyway, so what’s the fucking point?).

But I basically lost interest two episodes into season two. Like pretty much every reality show I’ve ever tried to watch (which, admittedly, is only three – hello Project Greenlight and The Apprentice), the gimmick go old quickly. Maybe watching a different washed up hair metal star make some groupies of Gumpian intellect jump through hoops for the chance to suck his cock would have kept me interested; as it stood, I’d had enough.

I’m not sure which season Rock of Love is on now – I think it might be the third, and I think it’s on a bus now, or some shit – but it looks like Deicide mainman/generally all around scary dude Glen Benton caught a few episodes, and, it should surprise no one to learn, he was not amused.

According to Blabbermouth, The Man with an Inverted Cross burned into his noggin’ posted the following message on MySpace page:

Glen‘s Bible verse of the day…

“Be it to me to thrust morality into anything I write, and I’m sure once again I will get a lot of guff over this, but man it has to be said by someone and I figure who better to say it but me, that freedom of speech thing I value so dear to my heart…

“OK… Who is with me on that the whole Bret Michaels ‘Rock Of Love’ thing is the stupidest thing ya ever seen in your life? It makes me want to buy his records just so I can throw them at passing cars… Come on, ya got this dude who’s day came and went with the Jheri curl, and the moon-walking craze. Now VH1, in their desperate hour, gives this glitter-glam goof from yesteryear a show about what? Old whores and some new ones who are just as desperate as him that no bands making records today would touch… or, should I say, any of us who have any respect for ourselves… and our families. I have had the displeasure of seeing a couple of episodes, and it is clearly a feeble attempt on everyone’s behalf involved in that show to obtain the almighty 15 minutes of fame and play it out as long as they can… It’s going on three seasons now, and now ya got this doofus out and about in the States on buses with his troop of bim bags. You can easily see any of these chicks at your local strip bar. If that’s your gimmick.

“I do have to give it to him on the man side of things, any man would… Do you really think you’re gonna find love in that pile of silicone and barf breath though? I do enjoy seeing them kick each other’s asses because I think it is fitting punishment for their part as the unlovable douchebags they are. Putting that many menstruating crazy women in one place hell is going to break loose and he deserves all the aggravation that comes with it. Who, in their right mind, would want to deal with that for any price? But, then again, what else was he doing before this? Nothing!!! I’m sure he is getting paid a pretty penny to deal with that and provide us with entertainment, and I’m sure he is getting great ratings by the man population of the world… What man wouldn’t want to see a good cat fight… meow… What’s next? ‘Bret Michaels Rock of Love Health Department’? We can watch him go and get something frozen off or see him squirm as he gets the ole Q-tip swab test… hee hee…

“The whole reality show thing I think has gotten way out of control, and maybe it’s just me, but I miss good old comedy television were it isn’t done solely for the enrichment of someone’s deflated ego…

“Damn, I wish ‘The Three Stooges’ were still alive…YUCK YUCK YUCK…”

I think Benton is a little overzealous in his proclamation that “good old comedy television… isn’t done solely for the enrichment of someone’s deflated ego” – I guess he never suffered through an episode of Two and a Half Men, Joey, or anything starring Ted Danson or Kelsey Grammer – but generally, I concede Lunatic of God’s Creation’s point.

I don’t imagine that Bret Michaels has any fucking clue who Glen Benton is, but in an ideal world, I’d really, really love to see him take his revenge by having Poison record and release a cover of “Dead by Dawn.” Wouldn’t that be just dandy?

-AR

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