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THE ECONOMY IS IN RUINS! ONLY DUFF MCKAGAN CAN SAVE US NOW…

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THE ECONOMY IS IN RUINS! ONLY DUFF MCKAGAN CAN SAVE US NOW…In case ya didn’t know: in the years following his time in Guns N’ Roses, Duff McKagan actually went back to school and got his degree in… finance. If I’m not mistaken, that makes him the only member of the original GN’R to have a college degree – when they were most at their most successful, only Izzy Stradlin was even a high school graduate – which may explain why Duff and Izzy are the only members of the original band who have not completely humiliated themselves in the years since, either by appearing on a reality show, becoming a fucknuts recluse, taking gigs with anyone who can meet their quote, or being Matt Sorum.

ANYWAY, McKagan has a column at SeattleWeekly.com, and this week he chose to make a big announcement: he’s going to be a financial columnist for Playboy.com.

Now, I know this might sound like a completely ludicrous idea, but we’ve managed to obtain a copy of Duff’s inaugural column*, and it’s actually pretty good. Check it out:

DUFF MCKAGAN’S TOP TEN TIPS FOR GOOD FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT by Duff McKagan

  1. Stay Sober – it’s much harder to keep track of your money when you’re fucked up.
  2. Don’t Let Your Pancreas Explode – it’s costly to fix.
  3. Don’t Sign a Contract Giving Ownership of Your Band’s Name to Your Lead Singer – you will regret it later.
  4. In Fact, Don’t Even Hire a Lead Singer – they’re costly and nuthin’ but trouble and you can sing good enough on your own.
  5. Get a Piggy Bank – but it doesn’t actually have to look like a piggy… mine is Batman!
  6. Marry a Really, Really Hot Woman – there’s no money in this, but it will make you feel better when you’re broke.
  7. If You Have More than One Child, Only Feed One a Day – my daughters know to ration.
  8. You’re Better Off with a Roth IRA than With a 401(k) – and it’s easy to remember because it rhymes!
  9. If They Pay You in Cash, You Don’t Have to Report it to the IRS – true dat.
  10. You Can’t Put Your Arms Around a Memory – so don’t try.

What financial gems will Duff offer in the future? We’ll hafta wait and see…

-AR

*But not really. Please don’t sue us, Duff.

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